


The End of the Road (So Far)

by anyrei, mugglerock



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Action, Anal Sex, Angst, Astroglide Makes an Appearance, BAMF Cas, Back to the Fun Tags:, Billie is Fucking Done with Chuck, Bottom Castiel, Bottom Dean, Canon Compliant, Canon Typical Violence, Cas is Fully Angeled Up Again, Comedy, Cranky Cosmic Beings, Dean and Cas Work Out Their Shit, Drama, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, FanFiction Authors Fix the Writers’ Fuck Ups, Final Hellatus, First Kiss, First Time, Godzilla-ing, Happier Ending Than The Writers Will Probably Give Them, Happily Ever After - Hunter Style, Let’s Do This! Meta AF, M/M, Misuse of Gabriel’s Horn, More Bottom Dean than Bottom Cas, Mostly Dean and Cas, Not So Fun Tags:, Oral Sex, Rimming, Romance, Season/Series 15, Semi-Public Sex, Supernatural Season 15, Temporary Major Character Death (Sort Of), Thanks For A Great Ride Supernatural, Top Castiel, Top Dean, Unsafe Sex, Wall Sex, When the Viewers Fight Back, You Know How To Whistle Don’t You, Zombies and Demons and Ghosts, and Get This:, as usual, everyone is, handjobs, like no joke, mostly happy ending, multiple POVs, oh my, ‘Cause This IS Canon Compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-19
Updated: 2019-09-10
Packaged: 2020-09-07 07:44:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 50,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20305930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anyrei/pseuds/anyrei, https://archiveofourown.org/users/mugglerock/pseuds/mugglerock
Summary: anyrei and mugglerock present: How we would like to see Supernatural end, while still being super realistic and knowing it will never, in a million years, end this way.God has gone too far this time. Finding out you are merely a puppet, a marionette being yanked by the strings, as part of some sort of cosmic temper tantrum… that sort of revelation is game changing.Billie is nothing, if not a little competitive, and she has no intention of losing the game.With the help of a recently deceased nephilim, a cranky cosmic entity (or two), a heartbroken angel, a brazen witch, and two brothers who have been a proverbial pain in her ass for too damn long… they might just have what they need to send Chuck to the penalty box, once and for all.[Supernatural Season 15 FicNow Complete!]If you read this anywhere that is not ao3 this content was stolen without the author's consent! Pls don't support thieves! Read this on ao3!





	1. Purple Haze

**Author's Note:**

> **Frankie here:** First! This fic is **finished.** We decided on a posting schedule to simulate a TV show, but we also don’t have the kind of patience to do once a week updates. But we also wanted to have some fun and draw it out, instead of a Netflix drop it all in one go deal. So, you’re getting **Monday, Wednesday, Friday** updates dropping at or around midnight PST, over the course of the next four weeks. We’re super excited about this. We started working on this fic a few months back, and it’s kinda hilarious how we nailed some of the announced casting for the final season. LOL. 
> 
> That’s the other reason for the schedule being three times a week, we want this uploaded before Season Fifteen starts, mostly because it’ll be hilarious to see how much (if any) we got right. I mean, there’s one piece we’re 1000% sure we got wrong, and that’s the gay sex, but I’ll humbly eat my words and proverbial hat if I’m proven wrong lol.
> 
> **Any here:** Also our season is a bit more like if HBO bought SPN from the CW. Lol. But you know us. We love to sprinkle in porn.
> 
> **Frankie here:** Sprinkle LOLOL. Sure. _Sprinkle._
> 
> **Any here:** *cough cough* you know what I mean. Although compared to our other fics that have porn that last an entire, epic long chapter; this is more sprinkled. 
> 
> **Frankie here:** That’s valid. This is pretty tame for us, actually. 
> 
> **Any here:** Anyway, I wish you all a happy last season and hope it will have a good and happy end for all of them. I think they've fucking earned it.
> 
> **Frankie here:** I too wish a good and happy ending, but then again, I do love me some angst!
> 
> **Any here:** Of course you do. You’re a demon.
> 
> **Frankie here:** How many times can I use the Dean, “I’m a demon,” gif before it becomes either a) my signature, or b) predictable?
> 
> **Any here:** It's too late, it's already your signature :P
> 
> **Frankie here:** Damnit! 
> 
> Anyway ladies and jellyspoons! We hope you like our version of Season 15! And if you do, feel free to send us some love for it! Also, give some love to our amazing beta team R2! Without whom none of this would be possible. Well, I mean, it would, but there would be a fuck ton more fuckups. 
> 
> [Eyes_of_a_Tragedy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eyes_of_a_Tragedy/pseuds/Eyes_of_a_Tragedy) and [tfw_cas](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tfw_cas/pseuds/tfw_cas), you guys are a fucking chucksend and seriously, seriously. Thank you for your awesome sauce. <3<3<3
> 
> P.S. You can follow us on our joint tumblr [here](https://the-real-anyrock.tumblr.com/)! You might want to, we'll be posting "sneak peeks" for the next episode on our tumblr shortly after each new chapter is uploaded.

#  [ ](https://66.media.tumblr.com/a09b93ca993f67be956fa86ffab70bd3/tumblr_pw6opoSWi21y3d8hfo1_1280.jpg)

#  **Purple Haze**

# 

Adrenaline is a crazy thing. Without even realizing it, there’s a thrumming through your veins, blood pounding your ear drums like Neil Peart, practically vibrating from the way you’re shaking. It was the only explanation for why Dean didn’t just drop the sword, and allow the zombies to take him out.

The world was ending. God finally got fed up enough with his creepy ass _ Truman Show _ and was canceling production. And here Dean was, brother to his left, angel to his right, and about a hundred or so zombies quickly closing in.

The adrenaline kicked in about the same damn second the first Dawn of the Dead reject dove for Dean’s outreached arm. With a swift flip, Dean ducked and sliced the fucker’s head off, hot knife through butter smoothness. One good thing about decay, he supposed.

What started as a slow motion - the cheesy yet awesome action flick kind of slow motion - series of movements, quickly shifted into a fast paced tumble into unabated violence. Dean, Sam, and Cas moving in a harmonious circle as they tore through zombie after zombie, decayed blood spraying like a morbid rain. 

And then it stopped. Dean blinked his eyes slowly, chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath as he soaked in their new surroundings. They were in the bunker. Not a zombie in sight. Dean quickly turned around and looked at Sam and Cas. They were covered in blood. 

So, that part wasn’t a dream. Maybe they were dead? Dean furrowed his brow. He was pretty sure he would have felt dying. He did with every other death.

A throat clearing causing them all to turn. Violet was standing at the top of the stairwell. 

“Violet?” Dean asked as he tucked the angel blade away.

“Good memory.”

Dean quirked his brow. “Thought you weren’t supposed to intervene.”

Violet let out a sharp laugh and shook her head. “Rules have changed. Speaking of which, Castiel… the boss needs to speak with you.”

Dread filled Dean instantly. Billie was probably taking the world ending to finally pay Cas back for killing her all those years ago. “No,” Dean said as he braced his hand against Cas’s chest. 

Cas pushed Dean's hand away and walked up to the Reaper. "About what?"

Before she could respond, Dean stepped forward and turned Cas to face him. “Why does that matter?”

Cas glared at him. "Well, it probably doesn't matter to you, but I need to know where Jack is. If he is in the Empty or in Heaven."

Dean was about to respond when Sam pulled him by the arm, practically into the other room, leaving Cas and Violet alone. Dean yanked his arm from Sam’s grip. “The hell are you doing? Don’t you think we should know what she has to say?”

"Yeah, I'm interested in that too, but you need to lay off Cas." Sam replied harshly.

“We don’t have time for feelings being hurt; you saw what Chuck just did.” Dean shook his head in amazement. How was no one else trying to figure out what to do? Focus on the bigger picture here?

"Yes! But you're not making it better, if you continue to antagonize our last friend. We need Cas so we’ll have a chance at fighting this.”

“Antagonize Cas? Are you being serious?” Dean shook his head. “Do you remember the last time Billie and Cas were together? This is anything but good, and if he goes off with Violet, dude… that’s it. I’m trying to stop Cas from doing something stupid!”

"If Billie wanted Cas dead again, don't you think she would have already taken him?" Sam shot back.

Dean wanted to argue, he was angry enough to argue, but he genuinely had no response to that. Sam was right. Which only made him more angry. “Fine. He can hear Violet out, but he’s not going.”

Sam nodded tersely before he pulled Dean back to the library, just in time to hear Cas say, “Okay, I’m going with you.”

“Excuse me?” Dean not so much asked, as he accused.

Cas turned around to him with an annoyed eye roll. "What? I have to go. She is the only one who can help me."

“Don’t you think you wanna talk this over with us?”

Cas stepped into Dean's personal space, his face a mask. "I am done with you, Dean."

“What?” Dean asked, shaking his head in bemusement. 

Cas looked down at the ground for a moment, his lips pressed into a thin line before he looked up at Dean again, his eyes full of pain, hurt and resignation. "I'm done. I've sacrificed a lot for you, because of... because of my feelings for you. And the fact that you came, fully prepared to hurt Jack, to kill him. Kill my... _ our _ son. All of ours. I'm not family to you. I'm not a brother, or whatever else you've called me. I'm not anything but a weapon, a tool for you. One that history has proven, if I lose what little power I have left, you'll kick me out. Because I'm not useful. So, I'm done. The world is ending, in a truly final way, and my family... my _ real _ family is going to need me."

Dean’s head swam with all the information. Cas was leaving. Leaving to go back to his “family”. Leaving Dean and Sam, because he was done. After all of these years, someone gave up on them. Not even their Dad did that. And Cas… Cas only stayed because… because he had feelings for Dean? His head hurt. “What are you sayin’, Cas?”

"I told you that I love you," Cas whispered, his gaze dropped to the floor again. "But the man I told that to... I don't see him anymore." He stepped away from Dean. "Goodbye, Dean."

And before he could respond, Cas approached Violet and they both disappeared. Dean stared, dumbfounded, at the space Cas had just occupied. 

“Fuck.”

**…. :::: :::: ….**

"Billie," Cas greeted her carefully as he found himself in one of the many office rooms in Heaven, facing the Reaper. He hadn't had much time to process everything he had done, and he tried to repress the emotions threatening to bubble up in his chest. Now was not the time. He needed to concentrate on Jack. "Is Jack here?" He needed to know.

“Have a seat, Castiel.”

Cas looked at the chair. He didn't want to sit, but he also didn't want to anger the one person who could help him. He sat down, folding his hands over the desk. "I assume you know what happened."

Billie scoffed as she leaned back, hands elegantly braced against the arms of the chair she was in. “I know more than you could imagine. That’s why you’re here.”

Cas leaned forward, squinting his eyes at her. "If God has his way, you're out of your job. After everyone dies there is no place for Death anymore. There will be no one left. Please tell me you're not on board with another Apocalypse situation."

“Quite the opposite in fact. Chuck, uh… he and I haven’t seen eye to eye since I took over. And I don’t know about you, but I’m a little tired of the way he’s been running things.” Billie quirked her brow. “So we need to level the playing field.”

"I'm listening," Cas leaned forward. "Although I'm not sure why you would need me. My grace has seen better days, and Heaven…" He looked up at the lights. They weren't flickering anymore, but he knew those few newly made angels weren't enough to win a war. And if they tried fighting and died… the next Apocalypse would be unavoidable with Heaven shutting down.

Billie nodded. “I have one solution, but the only person who can help me with that refused to do anything until he heard from you. Whether you told him it was a good idea or not.” She pointed to the door to their left, and with a flick of the wrist it opened.

Jack was standing there, and his eyes widened with the curve of a relieved smile. “Castiel,” he said as he slowly approached.

Cas was out of his chair in a second, gasping out Jack's name before he pulled him in for a tight hug. "You're here. I… I was so worried you would end up in the Empty again."

Jack drew back with a sheepish expression. “I, uh… I did.”

Cas touched Jack’s cheek with a concerned expression. “How are you here? Did the Empty let you go?”

“Yes, but with one stipulation,” Billie answered for Jack.

"I thought I already had a deal with it," Cas growled.

Billie shrugged. “And that’s your business, but considering the direction the whole world is going, I don’t imagine any deals made in any realm have priority anymore.”

"So what does the Empty want?" Cas asked, wrapping his arm around Jack's shoulder to pull him into a sideways hug. He never wanted to let go of him again.

“I don’t have power over the Empty, but for whatever reason, Jack does.”

Jack looked up at Cas. “She’s asked me to wake the others, but…” he ducked his gaze like an unsure child. “But when Duma tricked me… I just don’t want to disappoint you, or Sam, or Dean again. Is… is it okay?”

Cas gave Jack a pained look before he turned to Billie. "You want Jack to resurrect every angel? Do you know how hard it was to defeat Raphael? There are angels that should stay dead."

Billie gave him a pointed look. “That applies to one archangel. The rest? We’re going to brief them. Now isn’t the time for pissing contests.”

"Raphael was just as bad as Lucifer. He wanted the end of the world. Who would control him if he is back and wants to continue where he left off? You?" Cas asked, raising his eyebrow.

Billie smiled for the first time. “Yes.”

“So the Empty is okay with us just resurrecting all the angels? What is the price?" Cas asked, his grip on Jack's shoulder tightening. 

“The empty is as done with Chuck as I am, and if it can get rest, that is the price. And this is our only shot. Any deaths after this are final. If resurrecting the angels brings us closer to putting a stop to Chuck, the empty will be satisfied.”

"We will need all the help we can get. But the angels will need a leader. Without someone to guide them, there will be chaos," Cas replied thoughtfully. "I hope Gabriel will be up to leading us."

Billie moved to stand. “Those are details we can work out later. For now? Now we’ve got a war to try and win.”

Cas turned around to look at Jack. "We will need the other angels… except Lucifer. Can you resurrect them without bringing him back?"

Jack nodded. “I just need to know their names.”

"I know every angel’s name," Cas murmured before he touched Jack's forehead and concentrated on all of his fallen brethren, sharing his knowledge with Jack. He gave him a quick nod after that. "I want you to stay at my side Jack, alright? I need to know that you're safe." 

Jack’s expression was undeniably adoring. “I promise, Dad.”

Cas couldn't stop the smile before he hugged him again. "I'll watch over you, and I'll always be there to help and guide you."

“I know,” he said, voice absolute, if a little pained.

Billie appeared next to them. “We’ve got work to do, boys.”

**…. :::: :::: ….**

Dean had finished off half a brand new bottle of Jack by the time he started to feel numb. This whole situation was bullshit. God, Billie, Cas, Jack… all of it. And now they were facing a genuine end of the world. 

He was in the Dean Cave, not paying attention to whatever dumb movie was playing as he stared at the label on the bottle. Seeking answers he feared the label wouldn’t provide.

He heard a knock then, Sam looking carefully through the door. “Hey, are you okay?”

Dean saluted Sam with the bottle and slurred, “Peachy.”

Sam rolled his eyes as he approached him. “Do you really think this is the time for drinking? We need to get out there, Dean. We need to help people.”

“Help,” he said with a scoff before he took another swig, “What the hell are we gonna do? It’s done, Sammy. Game over. No respawns.”

“So what? You’re giving up? We have been in worse situations than this. Come on, man.” 

Dean rolled his eyes. “Have we? Last time I checked, even though he was a dick, we were at least on God’s good side. That’s done.”

Sam pulled the bottle away from Dean. "Oh, yeah? Where was God when we fought the Leviathans? Where was God when Raphael tried to jumpstart the Apocalypse? Where was he when Metatron cast out all the angels, or when you had to take on the Mark of Cain to go against Abbadon? Huh? Where was he, Dean? He was nowhere! We did this. We fought all those bastards out there and just because God is done, doesn't mean we have to give up." 

“You’re right, all those times he didn’t lift a damn finger. And that shit was rough. We all died so many times, lost so many loved ones. And that was with God not intervening. Now he’s actively _ against _ us.” Dean sighed and pulled his flask out, taking another swig. “I don’t like those odds.”

“We don’t even know if he’s still here.”

Dean shrugged. “You can keep beating your head against this damn wall, but leave me out of it.”

Sam just stood there for a moment before he shook his head and returned the bottle to Dean. "You once told me that you were proud of us. You told me so often that if you go out, you go out swinging. You can wallow in self-pity here... but I will go out there. And I need my brother with me."

As he refilled his flask, he stared at Sam and sighed. “Mom’s dead. Cas abandoned us. And God is pissed at us. It ain’t self pity, Sammy. It’s reality.”

"It's also reality that people are out there getting attacked by monsters and ghosts. Innocent people. People who are not prepared. It might be just a small thing. Saving people, hunting things. But this is the family business, and you can't just quit on me, Dean. You can't."

Dean sighed. “Save people until the world inevitably shuts down? What the hell is the point of that?”

“We don’t know that, Dean!” Sam yelled. “And even if that’s the case, it’s our job to try and save as many people as possible.”

The numbness was gone, maybe because of the anger that seeped in. Dean stood up, throwing the bottle against the wall. There was a grim satisfaction at the sound of shattering glass. “Enough!”

Sam glared at him, his lips pressed into a thin line. He angrily extended his arms out. "What?"

“It’s over. And there’s nothing you can say otherwise to make me think differently,” he said, tone resigned and firm.

"Maybe I can help?" A familiar voice suddenly said behind them. It was Balthazar, with his smug grin and way too deep v-neck shirt. "Hello, boys."


	2. Under Pressure

#  **Under Pressure**

#  ** **

Cas had briefed the last garrison of angels with tasks on Earth when Inias touched his shoulder. "Gabriel is asking for you. They need you in the conference room."

Cas gave his old friend a soft smile before he nodded at Jack to follow him. "Thank you, old friend."

It was nice seeing all of his friends again. The first thing he did was apologize to Balthazar. He had taken it all in good humor. Cas had sent him to the Winchesters to help them. Even though he had severed ties with Dean, Sam was still his friend, and Cas was worried about him.

When he arrived at the conference table, he immediately felt tense. Raphael and Zachariah were each giving him a “bitch face”. Naomi looked as cold as ever, and the only friendly faces he received were from Joshua, Gabriel, and Billie. “You wanted to see me?”

“Cas!” Gabriel cried.

Cas walked up to Gabriel and hugged him tightly. "I'm very happy to see you again."

Gabriel drew back and clapped him on the shoulder. When he turned he said, “Stop with the bitch faces. Cassie here has been instrumental in bringing us all back.” He chuckled and offered Cas a seat as he leaned against the table. “Now granted, he put… well, almost all of you there in the first place, but now is not the time for grudges.”

Cas nodded as he sat down next to Gabriel. The seat to his right was empty so Jack could sit beside him. "I know we all had our differences in the past. They led to a civil war... actually two civil wars in Heaven. As a result, only a few angels were left. The situation was so dire Heaven was about to collapse. We’ve all gotten a second chance now. We are on the verge of an apocalypse. Our father has left us, wanting to destroy everything. Earth, Heaven, Hell. He doesn't care anymore. We need to grow up and take over. We need to save the world, but we can only do that as a united front. The same mission for every angel."

“And how can we trust that when a Winchester tells you to kill us, you won’t just do it? We’re all painfully aware of your loyalty to them,” Zachariah spat.

“My loyalty is to my son, Jack, and to the mission. I’m not with the Winchesters anymore.” Cas exchanged a quick look with Jack, before he squeezed his hand under the table.

Naomi arched her brow. “And if you had to kill one of them to prove your loyalty to us?”

“Woah,” Gabriel interrupted, “this ain’t the Trump administration. No killing, if we can avoid it. We’re trying to save the world. And no pretenses of ‘acting good but doing bad things’ shit. If you cannot work with your brethren, if you have plans of taking over, Billie here will insure you return and stay in the Empty for all eternity. And that grumpy being doesn’t want us there, so I’m sure you can imagine what that might mean.”

"I can tell you from personal experience that the Empty is not a fun place to be when you're awake," Cas added dryly. "But we should get back to the task at hand. Millions of monsters and ghosts have been released into the world. I organized a garrison to deal with them in a way that won't put any humans at risk. But even if we manage to get control over the monsters, we still need to find a solution for our father. We don't know where he is, but there could be a chance that he is coming back to finish this world. We also need a leader. I think Gabriel would be perfect for this."

Gabriel shook his head. “I’m a temporary fix. But you’re right. We need to figure out what to do about dear old Dad. I’m guessing putting him in Shady Pines is a no go?”

At the significant lack of response from everyone, Gabriel rolled his eyes. “If we make it through this, I’m making you all marathon _ The Golden Girls.” _

“What about Amara?” Cas asked before he looked at Billie. “Is she on Earth?”

Billie shrugged. “She was; I can’t sense if she still is. Which means she either left, or is in hiding.”

Cas hummed thoughtfully. "She might be an ally... although we would need to be careful approaching her. She is very dangerous."

“Who’s Amara?” Raphael demanded.

Gabriel rolled his eyes. “The humans named the Darkness.”

“The Darkness escaped?” Raphael and Zachariah cried out almost in perfect unison.

"Yes," Cas rolled his eyes. "A lot of things happened while you were dead. But they both reunited again, so I'm not sure if Amara could still be angry with our father for imprisoning her and maybe help us do the same to him."

Gabriel hummed. “I was only joking about locking him in a home, but… we can’t kill him, not without murdering everything with him.” He turned to Raphael. “Do you think we could lock Dad up, the way we did auntie Amara?”

"We would need a lock. Someone would need to carry it like Lucifer did. Lucifer, who betrayed us and then gave it to Cain." Raphael crossed his arms in front of his chest. "Who should we trust with a seal like this. A seal that holds God?"

“I think we’re jumping the gun here. If we can’t get Amara on board, it doesn’t matter,” Billie said as she turned to Cas. “I think you should run a task force to find her. I can team you up with my two best reapers.”

"I'm taking Jack with me," Cas replied with a nod before he turned to Jack, giving him a soft smile. His eyes were wide, and he was taking everything in with high interest.

Gabriel hummed. “I’ll join you. Also, and I know you won’t like it, but…” the infuriating archangel was purposely dragging out his sentence.

"Gabriel, you should stay here. You're our leader now." Cas interrupted him, not wanting to play Gabriel's game.

“Fine,” he said with an eye roll, “but there’s a factor we should definitely not rule out in tracking her down.”

Billie sighed and nodded. “The bond?”

“The bond,” Gabriel confirmed.

Cas didn't like where this was going. "You mean Dean?"

Gabriel snapped his fingers and pointed at Cas. “Bingo, Bucko.”

“I already sent Balthazar to keep an eye on them.” Cas leaned back against the chair. “You never know with them.”

Gabriel shook his head. “You’re right. But I bet Deano could be the connection we need to find her.”

Cas gave him a long suffering look. He knew Gabriel was right. “Does that mean you want me to work with them?”

“If that’s going to be a problem, we can assign someone else to the Amara task force,” Billie said.

Cas shook his head. “I… I don’t know. I’m probably the person who knows the most about her. But Dean and I… this could be problematic. But I would do this for the mission.”

Gabriel clapped a hand on his shoulder. “I know you will. If he’s too pissed at you, we can send reinforcements. Because we’re using Dean’s connection to her, with or without his permission.”

“I’ll try to make it work. I’m still friends with Sam.”

At the mention of Sam’s name, Gabriel’s eyes lit up. “Send Sasquatch my love,” he said with a wink.

Billie rolled her eyes. “Alright. Castiel, you check in with the Winchesters after you build your task force. The rest of us? Need to work on a plan of action for the next steps.”

Castiel nodded and gestured Jack to follow him outside. When they were out of earshot, he said, "If anyone approaches you, even if it's just to talk, you come to me. Alright?"

Jack nodded. He fiddled with the hem of his sweater before he said, “So, uh… you aren’t friends with Dean anymore?”

Cas looked away. "He wanted to kill you. He is not the man I used to know." It hurt just saying it out loud.

Jack looked up with an almost serene expression. “I… I hurt people, Castiel.”

Cas carded his fingers through Jack's hair. "Jack... this is a very difficult time for you. But I know you. You're a good person. And I will do everything to help you stay that way."

Jack smiled, but it was a sad, slightly broken thing. “I killed Mary. I didn’t… I didn’t mean to, but I did…”

Cas pulled him into a tight hug. "I know. And I know that you didn't mean to, Jack." When he drew back to look at Jack, his heart felt like it was bleeding. "I know how you feel. I killed people... who didn't deserve it. And I’ll carry this guilt with me... probably forever. But we need to move forward, Jack. We need to do better. It's what Mary would want for you."

Jack frowned, sad and almost broken. “I want to believe… I want to believe it, but… I don’t… I don’t feel it. I don’t feel anything, Castiel.”

It was a horrible feeling. Cas loved Jack, and seeing him suffer, unable to do anything about it, was the worst thing he had ever experienced. “They always said I had too much heart.” Cas gave Jack a sad smile. “I’m going to feel for both of us. You have me to shoulder that burden.”

Jack opened his arms. “I’m sorry. I wish I felt something when you say that, but… I… I will do my best to make you proud.”

Cas hugged him tightly, wishing he would never need to let go of him. "I know you will. You already do. Despite your lack of emotions, you managed to make the right decision. You came to me before you followed the plan of a stranger. And this, Jack... this shows me that you are good. You are a good person. Just promise me you will stay by my side and that you’ll trust me."

That was met with a nod and a small smile. “I promise.”

**…. :::: :::: ….**

Dean was sprawled on his bed, his headphones on, Zeppelin blasting in a vain attempt at purposeful deafness. The world was coming to an end, and instead of being allowed to let it happen, here they were, a once long dead angel dropping the bomb that he, and many others, had been brought back.

It was one last ditch effort to try and save the world. Dean should have been leading this charge, his brother and former best friend at his side. Yet he couldn’t bring himself to leave his room.

While this exact moment was probably the worst time to be selfish, Dean was tired. Defeated. He’d lost so much, too much. Maybe it was finding out they’d been pawns, bit characters on a bullshit reality show, all for the amusement of an omniscient being with a penchant for bad writing, and over the top scenarios.

Maybe it was the culmination of losing his mother, again, at the hands of a kid he and Sammy and Cas tried to raise to be good. Cas called him their son, and while Dean felt that on some level, he had worked so hard at removing those feelings to justify taking out what he had wrongly thought was the biggest bad they were coming up against.

Who would’ve guessed God was the biggest bad of them all?

Maybe it was the fact that in a short span of time he found out his best friend loved him, had real feelings for him. The operative word being, ‘had’. Dean couldn’t even keep the unconditional love of an angel.

But then, Dean always knew he was unlovable. If Sammy wasn’t his blood, he would have given up on Dean years ago. For good, anyway. And now Dean was being faced with the task of joining forces with resurrected angels to try and save as many people as possible.

Dean was just so tired.

He had closed his eyes and startled when someone punched his leg. It was Claire, gesturing at his headphones with an angry expression.

Dean refrained from rolling his eyes and pulled the headphones off. “What?”

"No wonder you didn't hear my knocks. What the Hell are you doing here?"

“Knitting a sweater, the hell does it look like I’m doing?” he grumbled as he moved to put the headphones back on.

"No." She knelt on the side of his bed and halted his movement, pulling the headphones away. "What’s going on? Sam told me you were hiding from the fun outside in your room. I didn't want to believe him."

At that Dean did roll his eyes. “I’m not hiding; I'm just not running into the fire anymore.”

“Since when?” Claire asked him with a frown.

Dean let out a mirthless laugh. “Since we pissed off God enough to hit the self destruct button. The world’s going down, and nothing anybody can do will change that. I mean, you get that, right? Say we succeed. Say we undo all the damage and fix the world. Chuck will just reappear and do it all over again.”

“You don’t know that. And even if that happens, you taught me to go out fighting.”

Dean shrugged and took the headphones back. “Well, you should find better people to listen to.”

Claire bit her bottom lip before she shook her head. "Is it true that Cas left?"

“Yeah. He’s done with us.” Dean hated how much it hurt to say that.

Claire shook her head. “I don’t believe you.”

Dean gave her a pointed look. “Don’t believe me? Ask Sam.”

Claire pulled out her phone and it looked like she was texting someone. "I'm gonna text him. Why would he leave us? I haven't done anything wrong."

Dean pushed her hand (holding the phone) down. “He left because of me, okay?”

She gave him a confused look. "What... what did you do?"

Dean let out a mirthless laugh. “I don’t think we have that kind of time.”

Claire pushed herself up from the bed. "That doesn't make any sense. When you were murdering people, he still defended you. He’s forgiven you everything."

“Not everything.”

Claire squinted her eyes at him thoughtfully. For a moment, she looked just like Cas. And, boy, he was not prepared for how much that hurt; how much of Cas's physical features Dean could see in Claire. "I'm going out hunting. I could use some back up."

The thought of her going out on her own in this terrified him. Dean sighed and shook the blanket off of his feet. “Give me thirty minutes to shower and sober up.”

She looked more relieved than he had anticipated. “Thanks. I’ll wait in the library.”

“Yeah,” he said as he moved to stand. He was only slightly buzzed, so a cold shower and a cup of coffee would fix that.

**…. :::: :::: ….**

Cas already knew that he wanted Inias in his task force. He was one of his oldest friends, and they had worked well together in the past. He found him in the garden with the autistic man, flying his kite. He couldn't help but smile, seeing his friend sitting there, watching the man. 

He leaned over to Jack. "Inias was the one who showed me this place, before he was ordered to Earth with a mission. He knew I would like it."

Jack nodded as he looked around. “It’s very peaceful.”

"Yes, I always come here when my mind is in turmoil. It calms me down." He gave Jack a nod to follow him as he approached Inias. "My friend, I wanted to ask if you would join my garrison. A task force with the mission to find Amara."

Inias smiled and stepped forward, bracing his hand on Cas’s shoulder. “It would be an honor to serve with you again.”

Cas couldn't stop looking at Inias. Inias was one of the few angels he had really missed. "Thank you. I will need a friend at my side for this." The reality of the situation sunk in and he looked down at the green grass under his feet. "We need to go to Dean Winchester. He has a bond with the Darkness. He might be the key to finding her. Balthazar is already there, and I want him on my team too."

Inias nodded. “Well, then… whenever you’re ready…”

Cas looked down, confessing what was laying heavy on his heart. "Dean and I… we have gone our separate ways. I don't want to see him again, so this mission isn't easy for me."

That was met with an impossibly kind and understanding smile. “You are the strongest angel I’ve ever met, Castiel. I have no doubt you will handle this mission with grace and strength.”

Cas wasn’t used to hearing compliments, and he felt embarrassed and shy at Inias’s words. Jack gave him a big smile as he exchanged a look with him. “Um… thank you, Inias.”

There was a clap of misplaced thunder as the skies of a heaven that hadn’t changed in a millennia darkened. Clouds rolled in, the autistic man’s kite being swallowed in a storm that didn’t belong. 

Inias was at the man’s side, as Jack grabbed Cas’s hand like a frightened child. 

As another clap of thunder accompanied a flash of lightning, the clouds parted and a bright light appeared, before purposeful liquid seeped through and crashed into the grass before them, slowly morphing into a humanoid shape.

When it started mirroring Cas’s appearance, he instantly knew.

The Empty.

Cas had his angelblade in hand, although it wouldn't be any use to them, as he shifted so Jack was behind him. The Empty was way too powerful. "What do you want?" he growled.

As his mirrored face rippled with apparent displeasure, the Empty cackled. “Want? What do I _ want?” _As it drew closer, it twisted its hand in Cas’s tie. “What I’ve wanted since the moment you woke me up, you absolute gnat.”

Cas leaned backwards, his chest tightened. "I thought you wanted me to be happy before you take me?" Not that that would ever happen, but that was nothing the Empty needed to know.

The Empty’s lip curled in a snarl. “Sleep! I want sleep!”

"I thought you could, now that everyone is gone? Why are you still awake?"

That was met with a mirthless bark of laughter, as it released his tie and used its hands for emphasis. “You see, you see I _ would _be asleep, but the wings of a gnat have this annoying habit of twitching, even after being ripped off.” The Empty held one hand in front of Cas’s face and flexed its fingers open to punctuate each following word, “twitch, twitch, twitch!”

Cas frowned. "What are you talking about? My wings are... they are gone."

“That’s because they’ve been flitting about, causing me more and more distress,” he spat before his hand lit up with a bright white light. He slammed his hand against Cas’s chest. “So I must insist you take them back!”

Cas screamed when he felt his grace flaring up in an incredible heat, power surging through him before it spread into the remains of his wings. He could feel them, stretching, growing. The pain was becoming unbearable, and he fell to his knees before it suddenly stopped.

His grace was thrumming in him, wild and powerful. He was whole again. A tear slipped from his eyes, running down his cheek as he stared up at the Empty. "You... you fixed me."

“No, no, no, no, no, no. I simply did what was needed so that I can sleep!” The Empty narrowed its eyes and stepped back. “Make no mistake. I still intend on collecting on our deal.”

And with that, the Empty was gone and the skies were clear and blue again.

Cas slowly stood up, stunned with the feeling of his wings stretching out behind him. He had missed them so much. A smile tugged at his lips when he looked at Jack, his voice still hoarse from screaming. "I can fly again."

Jack’s eyes widened in apparent surprise, and he returned the smile. “Can… can I see your wings?”

Cas raised and spread them to their maximum size before he made them visible. He could see the dark shadow the black feathers were casting in front of him. Nothing was burned or broken. They were exactly like they were before.

“Wow,” Jack breathed out.

Inias approached then, clapping his hand on Cas’s shoulder. “Your strength continues to amaze me, my friend.”

Cas covered Inias's hand with his own, giving him a soft look. "Have I told you already how happy I am to see you again?" A laugh escaped his lips before he nodded determinedly. "It's time to go." He exchanged another look with Jack before he added, “Will you be okay seeing Dean?”

Jack gave him a small smile. “I’ve forgiven him.”

Cas sighed deeply, feeling a familiar pain in his chest. "I haven't. And I won't."

Jack nodded. “I understand.”

Inias spread his wings, a little smaller and a shimmery light blue color. “Time will heal you, my friend.”

He could feel the comfort of his friend and he was grateful for it. But he was sure that this time... there was nothing to heal. He wasn't broken. He had made a decision. And even though it had been a painful one, he knew in his heart that it was the right one. 

Dean wanted to kill their son. He couldn’t and he shouldn’t trust him anymore. Not after this. He knew he had betrayed Dean’s trust before. But when he had lied to Dean, it had been out of embarrassment. Because he had been too weak to protect them from Raphael and he needed the help of Crowley. He knew they wouldn’t have understood the necessary evil in the situation.

But this was different. Jack was family. And family should stick together no matter what. That was what Dean had taught him, and yet… when it got ugly, he had abandoned Jack. He had abandoned Cas. In the end, Dean’s words about family had meant nothing to him. 

Cas needed a new family. And his new family was standing right beside him, ready to go. He hated that a part of his heart still yearned for Dean despite everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Give Any a hand, ladies and jellyspoons, for that friggin' art. Holy crap. <3<3<3<3<3
> 
> (You can also thank Eyes_of_A_Tragedy for the art, lol).


	3. Comfortably Numb

#  **Comfortably Numb**

#  ** **

The shower hadn’t really sobered him, but it woke him up enough. He’d been more shit-faced on cases; flashbacks of that case when he got ghost sickness all of those years ago conquered his thoughts.

When he was dressed in a clean pair of jeans and flannel, not that it really mattered, he made his way toward the library to meet Claire. 

Why Chuck didn’t just turn off the world like a light switch was beyond him. Well? Maybe not, if what he wanted was some more damn entertainment.

He froze when he walked in on Claire hugging Cas. Cas! Who was back with an angel who looked vaguely familiar, Balthazar and… Jack.

As Dean dazedly watched a bizarre reunion of sorts, Sam coming in for hugs right after Claire, for some reason the only thing he wanted to do was run back to his room and drink until he was comatose.

Then Cas looked up and their eyes met. 

Cas’s eyes turned cold and distant before he stepped in front of Jack. “Dean. We need to talk.”

And the defiant, hurt part of him caused Dean to school his features as he waved Cas off. “You already broke up with us, the ‘talk’ isn’t necessary. Come on, Claire.”

Cas glared at him. “You misunderstand me. I’m not here to fix our relationship. But we have a plan to fight against God, and we need your help. Since saving the world should be in your interest as well, I figured you would want to hear us out.”

“Taking out Chuck will end the world, so…” Dean said, ignoring how hurt he was.

“We don’t want to kill him. We want to trap him. Like he did with Amara,” Cas explained slowly before he turned to Sam. “Gabriel and a few other angels are already working out the details; we just need to find her.” 

And then it clicked. “So you want to use me as bait.” It wasn’t a question.

“Yes,” Cas replied without hesitation. “You have a bond with her. She might listen to you.”

While there was a part of him that wanted to refuse, just on principle, the reality was, it wasn’t a bad idea. And the last go round, Amara was more powerful than Chuck. Dean quirked his brow. “Guess we’re going to Reno?”

“Okay. We should check if she is still there.” Cas reached out to Dean’s arm before he took in an audibly shuddered breath and retracted it again. 

He looked at the ground for a moment before the other angel grabbed Cas’s shoulder and murmured softly, “It’s alright. I’ll fly him.”

Dean shook his head and stepped back. “I’ll just drive.”

"We don't have that kind of time," Cas replied before he exchanged a quick look with the other angel. "It's okay, Inias. I'll take Dean."

Without missing a beat, Dean braced his hand on the other angel’s forearm. “Just take me before I change my mind.”

Cas looked relieved by that before he turned away to look at Sam. "Are you coming too?"

Sam nodded. “If that’s okay?”

Dean rolled his eyes. “It better be, or I’m not going voluntarily.”

Cas nodded and smiled at Sam. "I've got my wings back, so I can take you."

“I’m coming too,” Claire piped up.

“No,” Dean replied at the exact same time as Cas. They shared a quick look, but Cas looked away almost immediately.

She crossed her arms over her chest, and just because she knew how to manipulate both of them, said, “Fine. I’ll just stay back, all alone, without anybody to help me if shit goes south.”

Cas rolled his eyes. "Okay alright. You can come. But you'll stay close to Sam."

And Dean knew exactly what that dig meant. “I’m not gonna hurt her.”

Cas growled, "I won't make the same mistake twice."

Dean scoffed. “That’s bullshit and we both know that, but it’s not like Claire killed my mom…”

"He didn't do it on purpose!" Cas yelled. "He needs us now more than ever, and you abandoned him. Don’t think for a second I’m going to trust you with Claire.”

“Abandon? That’s fucking rich coming from you,” Dean spat.

Cas scoffed, "Yes, I made mistakes. But everything I did was for you, Dean. I never abandoned you. Not until now when I can finally see your true face instead of being blinded by my emotions. You said we do anything for family, and then you tried to kill our son. We're not your family. Not anymore." 

“To keep the world safe! If you think for a goddamn minute that was an easy decision for me to make, you’re nuts!”

"You just wanted revenge for Mary," Cas yelled back. "Even when you had the Mark of Cain, I wouldn't have killed you. You meant too much to me. There is always another way." 

Dean scoffed. “You couldn’t have killed me, and we  _ tried _ another way. Even Jack made peace with it before Chuck was the one who pulled the damn trigger!”

“It wasn’t your decision to make!” Cas growled back.

“Someone had to! And just because you didn’t have the cajones to do to me what was needed when I was corrupted, ain’t my goddamn problem!”

"I couldn't kill you because you're family. There was a time when you got that!" 

Dean scoffed and stepped closer, getting in Cas’s face. “Where’s the fucking lecture for Jack, huh? Mom was family too!”

Before Cas could reply, the angel next to him grabbed Dean's arm and transported him away. In a blink he was in the middle of an empty alleyway. The angel looked at him with a frown. "Stop hurting my friend," he said with a soft tone in his voice. 

Dean rolled his eyes. “He ain’t the only one hurting, and no offense, whoever you are, it’s none of your business.”

"My name is Inias. And it is my business when it affects Castiel."

“That right?” he challenged.

"Yes, I care about him," Inias replied calmly. “And I have never seen him this hurt.”

Dean might have felt guilty, had his annoyance with the fact Dean wasn’t allowed to feel hurt, or betrayed, or anything remotely close to negative. “Well, he’s hurt me over and over, and I always forgave him. So before you make judgments, maybe get the whole damn story first.”

Inias gave him a long look. "I don't need to hear the whole story. What happened is very clear to me. You both care a lot for each other. And you're both hurt. But what good will it do if you keep hurting each other? You only have two options here. You either work on forgiving each other, or you let each other go."

“He already let me go!”

"And is this what you want, or are you going to fight for him?" Inias asked, still sounding calm.

Dean scoffed. “Fight for what? I’m pretty sure there’s nothing I can say or do that’ll get him to change his mind.” And there it was. The reality of their situation. The world was ending, but as far as Dean was concerned, it ended when Cas broke up with them and left.

Inias gave him a soft smile before he shook his head. "Deep down, he wants to forgive you. As long as you fight, there is hope."

“How am I supposed to fight?” Dean was in uncharted territory, especially considering the guy used to have feelings for Dean. What were the logistics of something like this? Especially since Dean was straight. Well, mostly straight.

Inias didn't reply instantly; instead he looked up at the sky for a moment. "By looking forward and concentrating on what you want your future with Castiel to look like. If you have an answer for that..." He smiled and looked at Dean again. "An apology is usually a good start." 

Dean sighed. “And if I don’t know what I want?”

Inias gave him a sad look. "Then I fear you will lose him forever."

“Or we fail, we all die, and it’ll have been for nothing,” Dean murmured.

Inias squinted at the sky again. "We'll do our best so that doesn't happen. Come on. The others are nearby."

Dean sighed and followed Inias out of the alleyway. Well, at least they had a plan for the whole world ending thing. As for the rest? Dean would just have to see.

**…. :::: :::: ….**

It felt like he and Jack had asked a million people if they had seen Amara. They went to every casino, and although people had seen her, they seemed to never know where she had gone.

Cas leaned against the wall of a hotel and gave Jack a long look. He needed a break, and he felt the need to talk to Jack and see how he was doing. “I’m sorry you had to hear all of that earlier. Are you okay?”

Jack shrugged. “Yeah. I know what I’m supposed to feel, I just… don’t feel it.”

“What are you thinking then?” Cas asked instead.

“I think you’re being a little unfair to Dean.”

Cas frowned, surprised by his answer. "Why?"

Jack moved to sit on a nearby stool in front of one of the many loud gambling machines. He looked up at Cas. “Even though he was hurt, even though he was angry, even though he was ready to sacrifice his own life to make the world safer, he couldn’t. I’m pretty sure that means something.”

Cas shook his head. "He wanted to kill you... And no matter how much you're okay with that, because you don't want to hurt anyone... you're our son. You're family. And he should have wanted to help you. I understand what you're saying, but I'm just so... angry." Cas bit his lower lip before he took in an audible breath. "I'm angry because I didn't expect him to do it. To even think about it. It makes me wonder if we really think the same about family. Or if he just throws that word around like it doesn't mean anything to him anymore."

Jack hummed. “Then why didn’t he kill me?”

Cas shook his head. "I don't know. Even if he didn't kill you in the end, that doesn’t make what he did okay. Sam and I wanted to save you, and he just ignored us.”

“But he didn’t. He stopped himself. And I know it wasn’t because he’s scared of death. He killed himself without a second’s thought the last time you died.”

“Yes, he was always good at self sacrificing,” Cas replied with a scoff before he pushed himself from the wall.

Jack pushed a button on the machine and it started making louder noises. “I didn’t understand Dean’s anger at first. When he got mad at me for causing your death, and Mary getting stuck in that terrible dimension. It’s why I cried out, begged and prayed for you to come back. And when you did, then everything changed. Dean opened up to me.”

Jack sighed as he turned away from the machine and stood up again. “It’s why I hoped Dean could forgive me. If I brought Mary back, even though I killed her, like I did with you. Maybe Dean wouldn’t be sad anymore. His anger is his sadness.”

Cas knew from his own experience how true that was. He had made a few grave mistakes of his own just to make Dean happy. "Dean is always angry," he replied after a long moment of silence. "There is nothing you can do about it."

Jack gave him a pointed look.  _ “You  _ can.” He shrugged and looked at his watch. “Should we move onto the next hotel?”

Cas squinted his eyes at him. "Yes... What do you mean by, 'I can'?"

“He’s got two smiles and two laughs. There’s his smile for everyone, it’s pretty cocky most of the time, but he means it. Then there’s his smile for you. It changes his face. Same with his laugh. Sam told me once Dean was most calm around you, like he could let himself relax.”

Cas didn't expect Jack's words to hurt the way they did. He closed his eyes for a moment, his lips pressed into a thin line. There had been a time where he felt like he was special to Dean. But that was a long time ago. 

"We should go and meet the others. Hopefully they had better luck." 

Jack flashed him a sweet smile. “Okay…” as he followed, Jack added, “Inias seems nice.”

Cas raised his eyebrow, searching Jack's face. "Yes, he is one of my oldest friends. Why?"

“No reason. I’m just glad that you won’t feel lonely when we leave Sam and Dean forever.”

He ignored the way his heart hurt again. "Yes, me too."

**….. :::: :::: ….**

It was impressive how many people had no qualms about wasting what little time they had left on this earth gambling. Granted the widespread panic hadn’t set in yet. It appeared the incidences of zombie attacks and hauntings weren’t being covered in the mainstream media.  _ Yet. _

Dean gave it about a week, when some pseudo famous person got killed. Regular folk, likely poor or homeless, weren’t a concern. Not that it mattered. 

When they reached the Bonanza hotel, they finally caught a break. Inias had been, unsurprisingly, way too candid with his questions. After the first,

“Have you seen God’s sister?”

And Dean having to excuse his “brother,” for getting shitfaced. They got into a groove, Dean doing all the talking, only using Inias to sense if they were lying or not. 

An older guy, probably in his late sixties, had actually gotten to know Amara. He had suggested she check out the machines on the old strip in Vegas for better payouts. It was the only lead they had.

Dean turned to Inias as they made their way outside. “Should I pray to the other two seagulls to meet us here?”

Inias stared at him, clearly unamused. "Did you really just compare us to sea birds?"

Dean sighed. Cas would’ve said something snarky. “Never mind. Do you want me to call ‘em?”

“Yes.” Inias replied, crossing his arms over his chest as he continued to stare at Dean. It was a little nerve wracking.

“What, dude?” he challenged with his arms outstretched.

"Nothing, just..." The angel didn't finish the sentence, instead he turned around with a frown. The tone in his voice switching to serious as his angel blade slid into his hand. "Something is in this alley. I think it's... a malevolent spirit."

Dean pulled out his sawed off shotgun loaded with iron buckshot. They were having to keep them handy. He just hoped it wasn’t the ghost of somebody cool, like Frank Sinatra.

"You should stay back. I don't want you to get hurt. Maybe I can smite it," Inias murmured as he stepped in front of Dean into the dark alleyway. His breath was forming cold mist as he spoke.

And the next thing Dean knew, he was slammed against a wall.  _ Why do they always throw us against walls? _ He rubbed the back of his head as his vision came back into focus.

Before he could do anything, he had to shield his eyes against a bright white light. The ghost, a nasty one that looked fucking old, screamed as it burst into flames. Inias knelt next to him, staring at him with worried blue eyes. The wrong kind of blue. "Are you alright?"

Dean nodded and waved him off as he moved to stand up. “I’m fine.”

"Are you sure? You hit that wall quite hard." Dean didn't know the angel very well, but he kind of looked contrite.

“Well, I’ve got a hard head…”

Inias didn't seem convinced, his expression clearly uncomfortable before he murmured, "I promised him to look out for you."

Dean furrowed his brow. “You don’t even know me. Why would you offer that?”

"Because he asked me," Inias replied simply.

“Why?” Dean asked. Cas had been pretty clear about being done.

It was almost as if Inias was trying to stare directly into his soul. "Because there is still hope for you to fix this."

Dean heard the guy loud and clear. And maybe… maybe he could fix this. 

_ Cas. Annoying British dude. Get your asses to Inias, we got a lead. _

In less time than he truly anticipated, their entire party appeared around them, Sammy and Claire looking a little dazed. Double-O Loser clearly hadn’t warned them about the trip.

“You know, it’s rich you calling anybody annoying,” he practically bristled like a wannabe British aristocrat.

Dean rolled his eyes and turned to Cas. “I wanna talk to you. Inias can tell them what we learned.”

Cas exchanged a quick look with Jack, who smiled and gave the guy an encouraging nod. Cas looked uncomfortable before he briskly started to walk down the alley, nodding for Dean to follow him out of earshot. Cas didn't look at him as he asked, "What do you want?"

Dean looked back, to make sure nobody followed. “Look, I’m not gonna justify, or even try to explain myself, but… I’m sorry, alright?”

Cas looked up at him, his eyes fiery with anger. "You're sorry," he repeated dryly. "For what? For wanting to kill our son?"

“For having to make a damn hard choice. One I couldn’t go through with.” Dean sighed. “I’m not trying to start a fight here. You’ll either forgive me or you won’t, but I’m telling you I’m sorry. And you know I don’t genuinely apologize. Make of that what you will,” he said as he moved to head back to their group. Dean refused to call it a task force.

Cas grabbed Dean's wrist to hold him back. When Dean turned to look at him, he wasn't met with anger, but with pain… like he was broken. His voice sounded unsteady. "It wasn't your choice to make."

Dean scoffed. “Yes, it was. We went the non-killing route first, and it didn’t work. And if you think it was any easier on me than when I had to go along with Sammy saying yes to Lucifer to lock him in a cage for all eternity… Death is peaceful, and there’s no way you or Sammy could’ve done it, and at least I wouldn’t have to live with what I did. And Jack got that. He  _ is  _ family, Cas, and sometimes we have to make fucked up choices.”

"He is my family too, my responsibility, and you had no right to make that decision and take him away from me."

“I had to. You never would’ve gone along with it.” Dean shook his head. “And yeah, I was angry over Mom. Still am. But it wasn’t revenge. It was logic. If he could lose control with someone as important to him as Mary Winchester, what the hell kind of hope did the rest of us have?”

Cas shook his head and let go of Dean's wrist. "You always think everything is your responsibility. No matter what Sam or I say, you always think you're right and your way is the only way. But it isn't. If you had killed Jack, you would have done the same thing to me that was done to you in regards to Mary. And I just can't let any more of my family die. We already lost so much. No more."

Dean sighed. “That’s why I’m apologizing. I don’t wanna keep losing.”

Cas stared at him for a moment. "I can't trust you not to do something like this again. I have to keep Jack safe."

“Fine,” Dean said; it wasn’t like they were going to stick around if they did succeed. And if they didn’t? Well, it really wouldn’t matter. “I just wanted you to know I was sorry.”

Cas looked at him like he wasn't sure what was going on. "Why are you apologizing? You still think you made the right decision."

“I did; I chose to not kill Jack.” Dean sighed. “Look, this was dumb. Just… let’s go back.”

"No." Cas gripped his hand again. "If you're apologizing, do it right! What are you sorry for?"

Dean yanked his hand away from Cas’s. “I’m sorry my choice caused me to lose my best friend!” 

Cas's expression turned disappointed before he shook his head and looked away. The tone in his voice was void of emotion. "You're right. We should get back."

“Why’d you ask Inias to keep an eye on me?” Dean called after him.

Cas froze in his movement before he looked over his shoulder. His expression was a mask, but his eyes – they portrayed everything the rest of his body tried to hide: pain, hurt, loss, sadness. "I can choose to stay away from you, but I can't choose how I feel about you… and I don't want you to get hurt."

Dean sighed. “I love Jack. He’s family. And I’m sorry it went down the way it did, but I felt like I had no other choice.”

Cas turned around to face him, softly shaking his head. "You've hurt me, Dean. You wanted to kill someone I love, and I… I didn't expect it from you. You taught me what family meant." Cas's lips were pressed into a thin line before he added, "I’ve killed so many innocent people, I hurt Sam, I hurt you… and still… you always found an excuse for me. You still protected me. Jack is struggling. You know this isn't who he truly is. He is a good kid, and he needs us now more than ever. I’m not saying it will be easy, but… it never is."

“Us?” he asked, brow quirked, though he hoped he didn’t sound as hopeful as he felt. Damn Cas for being the only person alive capable of giving Dean hope.

Cas looked uncomfortable for a moment, shuffling his feet. "Jack… thinks very highly of you."

Dean furrowed his brow. “You mean  _ used  _ to…”

There was a minuscule smile on Cas's lips. He knew that expression. Cas made that face any time he was proud of Jack or Claire. "No… he actually tried talking me into forgiving you. He is the only reason I accepted your request to talk right now.

Dean flashed him a small smile. “Well, tell him I said thanks for trying.”

For a second, Cas mirrored the smile. “I will.” He turned around again and started to walk to the others.

While it wasn’t outright forgiveness, it felt like a step in the right direction. But then, Dean had been wrong before.

Well, at least Inias couldn’t accuse him of not trying.


	4. Start Me Up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Frankie here: I know this is technically an hour and 15 minutes early, but I can't hang until midnight, so y'all are getting an earlier update! 
> 
> P.S. We are living for y'all's comments, sorry we haven't been replying as much! We are kind of focusing on writing and editing, so... we'll definitely get to them! <3<3<3

#  **Start Me Up**

# 

Cas started to worry when they went to Vegas. Sam, Claire, and Balthazar had been attacked by ghouls, and Dean and Inias by a ghost. No one had been hurt, but it was only a matter of time. Especially now that they were in a bigger city. So many innocent lives were at risk. They couldn’t exactly smite the whole town if it was infested with zombies, no matter how much Raphael or some of the other angels suggested it as a solution to getting rid of the monsters. He was grateful Gabriel was in charge of Heaven.

They had split up again, and Cas told Jack to stay close to him, to only use his powers to save an innocent life. They were walking up to a casino, a bright neon lit building that stood in stark contrast against the darkness of the sky, like a jewel in the desert. There was music coming from the open doors, people clearly having fun.

They probably didn’t even know about the world ending. This was a slow apocalypse. Cas supposed God didn’t need it to be fast. He knew the sheer amount of monsters would, in the end, win out. It was a matter of probability. 

And then he heard it. The low moaning in the distance. Cas turned and squinted his eyes at the horizon. It was a live version of a series Jack liked to watch on Netflix.  _ The Walking Undead. _

“That’s not good,” Cas breathed out. “It’s too many. Hundreds.”

“What should we do? All of these people…” Jack shook his head in dismay.

Cas looked over to the casino. "We can't smite them all. These people need to run. And we need the others." Cas touched Jack's shoulder. "Get them and come back immediately. I’ll try to convince these people to run."

Jack nodded and disappeared before his eyes.

Cas ran towards the open doors of the casino, using his grace to overload the electricity and stop the music as he yelled, "You all have to run! Now!"

A few people turned to look at him, bemused expressions on their faces. Everyone else appeared to be ignoring him.

The zombies were drawing closer, and for a moment Cas wondered what Dean would do to get these people moving. He shook the thought from his mind. He couldn't afford to think about Dean. He needed to concentrate on the mission. And thinking of Dean left his emotional state far too unstable. "You need to run, or you all are going to die." He pointed down the road. "There are monsters coming."

The few people still paying him attention let out a smattering of snickers.

“We’ve got a red level terror alert suspicion, and are gonna need every single person here to get back to their rooms,” a damnably familiar voice barked. He turned to see Dean approaching, FBI badge flipped out. Said few people were now staring, absolutely stunned.

Cas hated how relieved he felt. He turned around before he yelled, "You heard the man. Go!"

It was fascinating to see how quickly those humans moved. Dean turned to Cas. “I’m gonna find security and tell them the same thing, to mobilize as fast as we can. You and the other pigeons need to do the same at as many hotels as you can along the strip. We won’t save everyone, but we’ve gotta try to boost our odds.”

Cas looked around them. "Where are Jack and Claire?"

“Jack’s with Balthazar, and Claire’s with Inias. They don’t have badges. Sam’s on foot, but I’d appreciate if you found him.” The tone in Dean’s voice was more of a plea.

Cas nodded tersely and spread his wings. “Be careful,” he whispered before he left Dean and tried to locate Sam. It didn’t take long. Sam was already fighting against a few zombies that had reached town. Claire and Inias were helping him. “Sam, we need to get these people to safety. Dean already started,” Cas called out before he smote one of the zombies out of existence.

Sam yelled, “We’ve just gotta give people time to get to their rooms, or get somewhere safe, Jack and Balthazar took the rest of the hotels so we could hold ‘em off.”

Cas was torn between staying and fighting, or lending Jack and Balthazar a hand. They probably didn’t need him; he trusted Balthazar to get these people to safety. Balthazar was a lot better at dealing with humans than Cas. So he fought, smiting zombies left and right, noticing that his power was diminishing the longer he fought. And there was no end in sight. For every zombie he smote or stabbed, three more zombies seemed to show up. He exchanged a quick look with Inias, seeing that he looked exhausted, and clearly wounded. "We can't hold the line much longer, Sam."

Sam nodded. “Then let’s get back to Dean,” he called out as he decapitated another zombie.

Inias touched Claire's shoulder before he cried out in pain, when a zombie attacked his back and threw him to the ground.

Claire screamed and started to hack the zombie to pieces before Cas could reach them, helping Inias up. "I don't think I can fly anymore," Inias breathed out, his face contorted in pain. 

Cas didn't think he could either, feeling as drained as Inias looked. He picked Inias up in his arms, backing away from the zombies. "We need to run. Dean is at the end of the road."

Sam grabbed Claire’s hand and dragged her after him, in almost a protective stance.

Cas knew he could count on Sam to keep his family safe. He had proven that on many occasions. He wasn’t worried when they ran down the street, catching up to Dean as he ran towards them. "Did you see Balthazar and Jack?" 

“We’re here,” Balthazar gasped as Jack shouldered him.

Dean looked up at the hotel before looking at them. “You guys look like shit.”

“We can’t fly anymore. Our grace is drained,” Cas replied quickly. “We need a safe place to recover.”

Dean nodded and waved for them to follow him. As they ducked through the doors of the hotel, Dean was already sliding over the front desk. He grabbed a keycard and activated it before yelling, “Head to the elevators. Top floor!”

Everyone did as instructed. When Cas pulled Inias closer, he realized there was grace leaking from a back wound. Claire pressed the elevator button, while Sam held the door open for Dean to slide in with them – just in time before hordes of zombies entered the building. He leaned forward, closer to Inias's face as he whispered, "Just hold on. I’ll try to heal you when we're upstairs, and you’ll be able to lay down." He knew healing Inias would probably knock him out for a while, but he was worried his friend wouldn't make it otherwise. And he couldn't lose Inias. Not again.

As the doors to the elevators closed on the carnage, Dean slumped against the wall of the elevator. “Shit.”

Cas looked up at Dean, trying to see if he was hurt, but it was impossible from this angle. Especially with Inias leaning his head against his shoulder. "Are you hurt, Dean?" he asked, hoping the worry in his voice wasn't too obvious.

“M’fine.” He stood up straight as the elevator started going up. “Jack, can you heal the other ducks?”

"Why does he keep comparing us to birds?" Inias murmured, clearly a little out of it. 

Jack looked unsure as he stepped towards Cas with an unsure expression. "I can try."

"Don't worry if you're too drained. Just try your best," Cas replied softly, trying to encourage him.

Jack pressed two fingers to Inias’s forehead, causing his friend to sharply inhale. The wounds started closing and Jack stepped back with a gasp. “I… I think that’s all I can do.”

Inias smiled and stood up. “Thank you, Jack.”

Cas cupped Inias's cheek with a smile, looking him over. He seemed fine. "You look much better now." His voice was heavy with pride and gratitude as he turned to Jack. "Thank you, Jack. You did very well."

Jack smiled and the elevator dinged with their arrival to the top floor. Dean ushered everyone out and led them to a room at the end of the hall. “How long before you guys are up and running, you think?” Dean asked Cas as everyone else walked past him into the room.

Cas frowned and tried to concentrate on his grace. He was dizzy, and his head hurt, which was not a good sign. He pressed his palm against the wall to stabilize himself; a trickle of blood ran from a cut on his eyebrow that reached his cheek. "A day."

Dean was impossibly close then, hand at his cheek as he looked Cas’s face over. “Maybe more. That’s a nasty cut.”

For a weak moment, his body reacted with a shiver under Dean's touch. His heart beat faster. "I... I can't heal it," he breathed out.

As though Dean realized what he’d done, he stepped back. “Maybe one of the other doves has some mojo left.”

Cas looked away, clearing his throat. He felt embarrassed. Why did Dean touch him like that? “They won’t recover as fast if they heal me. It’s not that bad… just a scratch.”

“It’s pretty deep, Cas,” Dean said as he shut the door behind them. “I can see if Sam is up for stitching it for you.”

"You can do it," Cas said before he could stop himself.

Dean’s eyebrows shot up. “Uh, yeah. Okay, I, um… I’ll, uh see if one of them has an emergency first aid kit.”

“Thank you,” Cas murmured, feeling his face heat up with his outburst. He wondered why he was doing this to himself.

Dean nodded and disappeared into the room, approaching his brother. Sam pulled a small case from his jacket pocket and handed it to Dean. When the hunter approached Cas again, he nodded to the bathroom and said, “Come on.”

Cas quietly followed him into the spacious bathroom before he sat down on the edge of the bathtub. He tried not to breathe. He wasn’t sure what to feel, and it was hard to even look at Dean.

Dean’s back was to him as he opened the kit and started getting a needle ready. He turned to Cas and flashed him an unsure smile as he moved to sit on the toilet, facing him. “I’m guessing I don’t need to worry about infection?”

Cas raised an eyebrow and replied dryly, “No, Dean.” He thought after all these years Dean would know that. But then again, Dean had never been particularly interested in Cas. He couldn’t remember Dean ever asking him a personal question to get to know him better.

Dean nodded, and grasped Cas’s chin to turn his head. “Figured, but wanted to check.”

"Why?" he murmured. "I thought you knew that I can't get sick. Not a human sickness, anyway."

“No idea how this world ending thing’s impacting you. I mean, you’ve apparently got your wings back.”

He chuckled softly, though he didn't feel amused. "Yes, thanks to the Empty. Apparently a splintered dead part of my grace was still in the Empty."

Dean quirked his brow as he leaned back. “The cosmic being you annoyed?”

"Yes." Cas leaned closer to Dean on instinct. "It really hates me."

That was met with a soft chuckle as Dean leaned in closer to start stitching up the scar. “Of course, you find a way to piss off every powerful entity.”

Cas took in a deep breath, trying to suppress the pain, but wasn't completely successful. “I hope whenever I die, or the Empty takes me, it will be bored with me.”

“Could just annoy it until you’re sent back again,” Dean murmured as he kept his attention on what he was doing.

"I'm not sure it will work a second time. The last time we spoke, it sounded like it had plans for me."

Dean sighed as he drew back. “Well, if this doesn’t work out… I hope you stay in Heaven, and safe.”

"As long as I'm not happy, I think I will be." There was no reason to hide that from Dean anymore.

“What?” Dean had finished stitching him up, sitting back so he could hold his gaze.

Cas stared back, losing himself in Dean's green eyes for a moment. It was really hard to look away from him. Dean's eyes were the reason he preferred green to other colors. "I made a deal. My life for Jack's when he died the first time. The Empty thought it had a claim on him, but Jack belongs to Heaven. It told me it would wait to take my life until the precise moment I allowed myself to be happy."

Dean was silent, holding his gaze, before he moved to get up and started washing the needle and his hands at the sink.

Cas scoffed quietly and shook his head. "But with my luck, that isn't going to happen."

“I can’t believe you made another deal,” he murmured, still not looking at Cas.

Cas looked up at Dean. He knew Dean was angry with him, but it was better than what was happening now. If Dean was angry, he would push him away again, and Cas needed that. He obviously wasn't strong enough to keep himself away. Dean was always a temptation. He had an opportunity now to keep Dean away from him forever. He needed to sever their ties, he knew that much. “It’s inconsequential. There is only one thing that could have made me happy, and that’s never going to happen.”

In an instant, a quick flash of movement, Dean yanked Cas in for a hug. His arms were wrapped tightly around Cas’s neck, face forced against Cas’s shoulder. “You stupid, son of a bitch,” he murmured, voice cracking slightly.

Cas tensed, and he had no idea what to do. Dean was so close, holding him tight. He could smell his aftershave, feel his hair against his skin. "Dean... don't..." He pushed softly against Dean's shoulder. "It's too close, please." He hated that his voice sounded so broken, pleading.

Dean drew back with a solemn nod, quickly wiping at the corner of his eye. “Right, uh… right.”

He felt cold now. All he wanted was to get Dean's warmth back. And all he wanted was to comfort Dean.

"I hate feeling like this," he murmured. "Like I'm being torn in two different directions at once."

Dean sighed and gave him a reassuring nod. “I’ll stop making it hard on you.” He moved to leave the bathroom.

Cas didn't stop him. He knew he needed the distance. Loving Dean was the source of all of his miserable feelings. Time apart would hopefully help him to feel like a normal angel again.

He was back with his kind now, and it was a new beginning for everyone. Cas was looking forward to it, because with Gabriel up there, taking responsibility, he finally felt like they had a chance at doing good.

That was something he should concentrate on.

**…. :::: :::: ….**

Dean was confused by his need to hug Cas. But maybe it was a goodbye, because it wasn’t like staying with them was in the cards if they were successful. And even if it was, the second he was happy, Dean would lose him, for good.

Well, with their luck he would. Dean made his way to the large couches in the center of the suite. This room was incredibly extravagant. And between the large king size bed and multiple couches, all the humans had a place to sleep.

He moved to sit on the arm rest next to Sam. Dean braced his elbow against his propped up knee. “Back to square one with trying to locate Amara…”

"We don't even know if she is still here on Earth, or what she thinks about her brother doing this," Sam murmured tiredly. "It's a long shot."

“Any back up plans?” Dean directed to Inias, since he was the closest angel.

Inias rubbed his hand over his head as if he had a headache before he made room for Cas, who quietly sat down next to him. Dean noticed that they were sitting way too close. "The others are working and researching a method to recreate Amara's prison so it would hold God. If she can't help us, or we fail to find her, Raphael and Gabriel will try their best to locate our father." The unspoken, "we wouldn't be strong enough to go against Chuck alone," was obvious.

“Yeah, but if we can’t trap him, what is locating him gonna do?” Dean sighed. 

"Let's hope by then we will know how to create this prison without Amara's help," Cas replied, before pressing two fingers against Inias's neck. The other angel gave Cas a soft and grateful smile. Cas mirrored it before he turned to Dean, smile gone now. "What about Rowena? She knew a lot about the Mark of Cain."

That actually made the most sense, and Dean was kicking himself for not thinking of it earlier. “And she can probably locate Amara.” Dean pulled his phone out; it was dead. He looked at Sam. “Do you have your phone?”

Sam pulled out his phone and nodded, pressing a few buttons before he held it to his ear. The waiting was nerve wracking. Sam opened his mouth to say something, but stopped himself, waiting a few more seconds before he said, "Rowena, it's Sam. You probably already know what's happening. We need your help. Call me back. Please." He hung up with pursed lips. "Damn. I hope she’s okay."

Dean squeezed his shoulder in comfort. “Rowena’s a bigger cockroach than all of us combined. I’m sure she’s fine.”

Inias tilted his head. “Do you compare every other creature or person to something in the animal kingdom?”

Dean chuckled. “We don’t have the kind of time to explain human references.”

"They never do," Cas added as he gave Inias a fond look. "I learned to just ignore it."

Dean didn’t like that that felt like a subtle dig. The middle school bullshit where you essentially try to show off with your fancy new friends. Instead of starting an unnecessary argument, Dean got up and went to the mini bar. He opened the fridge and was grateful for the amount of booze. He grabbed some beers, handing one each to Claire, Jack, and Sam before he sat back down and popped off the cap.

He ignored the fact that Cas and Inias were deep in quiet conversation. Dean tuned them out. “Well, until we hear from Rowena, I vote we wipe out the mini bar.”

Balthazar, who was teaching Jack how to play cards in a corner of the room, piped up with interest, “Throw one over, Dean-o! No one says our down time shouldn’t be fun.”

“Isn’t booze a waste on you guys?” Dean asked, still getting back up to head to the fridge.

"On Cassie, sure! But not everyone is a party pooper." Balthazar replied with a smirk.

Cas just glared at him, before he rolled his eyes and turned back to his conversation with Inias. And why did he still have his fingers on the other guy's neck? 

“Inias?” Dean asked as he dangled a bottle at him before tossing it to Balthazar. “We’ve got one beer left, then we’ll have to start hitting the spirits.”

Inias looked up in surprise before he shook his head. "No, thank you. I would feel bad taking a beverage from you. It won't have any effect on me. Like you said... it's a waste."

Cas shook his head slightly. "It isn't, Inias. Sometimes it's just nice to share a drink with friends. I wouldn't consider that a waste."

Without asking, Dean approached, handing the beer to Cas. “Then join us.”

Cas's eyebrows shot up in surprise, but he took the beer. Their fingers brushed for a moment before Cas almost shyly looked away and murmured, "Thank you." He opened it before he turned to Inias. "I'll share mine with you. So you won’t miss out on the experience."

And that was about all the angel mating ritual Dean could stomach. Sam and Claire had joined Jack and Balthazar. They were now playing poker. They were mid game, so he wasn’t going to muscle in. Watching was enough of a distraction, so he got comfortable against the wall.

He could feel he was being watched, though. From the corner of his eye, he could see Cas periodically looking over at him.

Dean held his gaze for a moment before saluting him with his beer. He hated how awkward it was now.

Cas nodded at him, his expression mirroring how Dean felt in that moment. Dean could see the way Inias was watching them both before he leaned over to Cas and whispered something in his ear. Cas visibly sighed and closed his eyes before he nodded and looked up at Dean again, his blue eyes full of longing.

Dean flashed him an unsure smile, and started tearing the label off of the beer so he wouldn’t get the urge to walk over to him.

Inias kicked Cas’s shin, staring at him before he nodded at Dean again. Cas looked unsure, but then he finally got up and walked towards the bathroom. As he stood at the door, he turned to look at Dean for a moment, a question in his eyes before he vanished into the other room.

Dean finished his beer and made his way to the bathroom. The door was shut, so he softly knocked.

Instead of getting a verbal answer, the door opened and Cas let Dean in before he closed the door behind him. He was standing too close, right in his personal space, looking down at the floor. "Dean," he murmured, "I... can we try that hug again?"

It was a little weird how hard that request tugged on Dean’s heart, in a mostly pleasant way. He grabbed the guy’s forearm and pulled him close, a gentler, less desperate movement than the last time.

Cas wrapped his arms around him, and pressed his face against Dean's throat as he pulled him close. He could feel his warm breath ghosting over his skin. It was a lot more intimate than any of the hugs they had shared before. 

And yet Dean wasn’t pulling away. Even though this was slowly crossing into gay territory. All guys had gay thoughts now and then, but it didn’t make you gay. Gay was when you acted on those thoughts. So as long as Dean never acted, he wasn’t gay. 

Cas didn't let go of him. The hug was going on for a lot longer than normal, but he could only feel his friend hugging him tighter, an underlying desperation in his movement. Like he was afraid to let go.

As though suddenly drowning in a tidal wave of emotion; fear, anger, hurt, relief, gratitude… love, Dean clung tighter and whispered a slightly broken, “Please forgive me.” It was weird how much he realized he needed that from Cas. Forgiveness.

There was a soft noise, equally broken, before Cas whispered, "I... I'm working on it. I want to. Give me time." He finally leaned back to look at Dean, leaving his arms around him. His blue eyes were bright and wet from unshed tears. Dean had never seen him like that before.

Dean gave him a sad smile and gently smacked Cas’s cheek, fingers resting where they landed. “That’s more than I can hope for.”

Cas leaned into his palm, his eyelids fluttering shut for a moment. "I miss talking to you."

Dean swallowed dryly and nodded. “Then let’s stop this. If this is our last few days, can… can we just make ‘em count?”

Cas took in an audible breath before his gaze met Dean's again. "You know about my feelings for you. It's not exactly easy for me to be around you. Not just because of what happened."

“Let’s ignore it all. At least until the storm either wipes us out, or passes us.”

"That's easy for you to say. You're not the one that has to look at you all the time," Cas replied dryly before he frowned. "What about... if we survive this?"

Dean shrugged. He had no answers for Cas, he honestly hadn’t planned on figuring out how to survive this. “I don’t know, Cas.”

"That is incredibly…" Cas shook his head slightly. "Unhelpful."

Dean finally took a step back. “I don’t wanna hurt you.”

Cas scoffed and looked away. "I know you don't feel the same about me. I'm not naive."

“What do you want me to say, Cas?”

“I guess I still need to hear it… so maybe I can move on?” Cas asked after a moment of silence. 

Dean sighed and looked down. “I’m not gay.”

Cas frowned before he replied slowly. “Technically, I’m not a man.”

Dean rolled his eyes as he leaned against the sink. “Tell that to your very male body.”

“So what if I was in a female body?” Cas asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

Honestly, the thought had never occurred to him before. What would their relationship be like if Cas  _ was _ a chick? It wasn’t a guarantee that Dean would be attracted to him, but then… Dean shook his head. “I don’t know,” he answered as honestly as he could.

“So it’s my body,” Cas murmured before he nodded, sounding defeated. “I see.”

“Look, Cas, I don’t know if it is.” Dean was at a loss for how to explain himself, because he had no idea what it was he was feeling. “I mean, even if you were a chick, I don’t know that we’d be attracted to each other…”

Cas leaned back and sat down on the edge of the bathtub. “So I’m really just a friend for you?”

Dean couldn’t help but shrug again. “I’ve honestly never thought about it.”

"I'm honestly not sure why I'm surprised by that," Cas murmured, sounding defeated.

“Have…” Dean started, licking his lips as a delay before he finished, “Have I done something to give you that impression?”

For a long moment Cas didn't answer. Dean almost thought he wasn't going to, but then he uttered, "Yes. A few times I felt like there could be more between us." Cas pushed himself up from the bathtub again before he added, "But I was never good at social cues."

Dean racked his brain for any moments, but he was coming up empty. “Like when?”

"Sometimes you looked at me like… as if you wanted to… I don't know… as if there is more between us. And even if you aren't praying to me anymore, I still feel your longing when I'm not with you," Cas answered hesitantly without looking at him.

“Longing?” Dean asked, feeling even more confused.

"It's a form of prayer," Cas explained. "I'm very attuned to yours, so I can use your longing to find you when I fly to you. I started to feel that… I think around the time of Purgatory, maybe even before that. And after Purgatory it got stronger. Every time I had to leave… I could feel you, like a constant pull of gravity, longing for me to come back. Even when Lucifer possessed me, I felt you–" Cas looked up at him. "I'm not telling you to make you uncomfortable, but that is the main reason why I hoped you would feel the same about me."

“I missed you, Cas,” Dean confessed. It was his only explanation, because he did feel lost, and lonely, anytime Cas left them. Left  _ him. _

Cas nodded, looking defeated. "Thank you for clearing that up," he replied. His voice didn't carry any emotion, but Dean knew Cas well enough to know that this was just a mask.

And before Dean could stop himself, he asked, “Why me?”

Cas's eyes met his with a confused frown. "What do you mean?"

“Why do you love me? Like that…” Dean wasn’t sure he wanted to know the answer, but his lips were apparently focused on their own agenda.

Cas scoffed and looked at the ceiling. "How could I not?" His eyes met Dean's again, his gaze full of sincerity. “Meeting you, seeing your strength, your dedication, your willingness to shoulder anything and fight for something that was right… you taught me this. I’m as old as the Earth, Dean, but I never felt connected to anything. I have never cared. You made me care. You woke me up. You made me a part of your family and defended me, even though I stumbled and made mistakes. You were always there. I lost Heaven… but you gave me a home. You’re my home, Dean.”

Dean was stunned to silence. Of all of the responses he could have possibly fathomed… that wasn’t among them. And the fucked up part? That was how he felt about Cas. The angel had wormed his way past Dean’s well constructed walls, reaching the same level of importance as his brother. And that was all it was; that’s why Cas was family. 

Even Lisa didn’t make it that far. She came damn close, but in the end he was still capable of giving her up. Cas was another story. So, he said the only thing that could even compare to Cas’s confession. “I wish I could be what you want.”

Cas gave him a sad, minuscule smile as he nodded, "Me too." He took in an audible breath. "When this is all over and we’ve saved the world... I'm going back to Heaven for a while. I need some distance. Not because of Jack... I was honest with you about working on forgiving you, but because of me."

Dean would be lying if he said that didn’t hurt like a punch to the gut. “Like I said before. I won’t make this harder on you.”

"My feelings for you won't change with me keeping my distance, but I need to find a way to balance my emotions." Cas bit his lower lip before he added, "I'm hoping that being with my old friends will achieve this goal."

“And… if you find that balance?” Dean really hated how hopeful he sounded again. He couldn’t even blame it on the booze.

Cas stared at him for a moment, before he replied softly, "I… I don't know."

Dean nodded. It was probably the best he could hope for. He gently patted Cas’s shoulder as he moved to grab the door handle with his free hand. “Well, provided I don’t bite it. You’re always welcome at home. Always.”

"Thank you," Cas breathed out. It sounded like a polite decline. Like something Cas acknowledged but wasn't planning to do.

“You  _ and  _ Jack,” Dean said as he turned away, and moved to step through the now open door.

He could hear a soft sigh from behind him, but Cas clearly wasn't going to reply.

Dean stepped back into the room to find that somehow, in the time they had been gone, it had turned into a game of strip poker, everyone half or more naked except for Claire. He approached and squeezed her shoulder. “That’s my girl.”

Claire smirked at him, her blue eyes glinting with delight. Blue eyes that looked just like Cas's. "Their poker faces suck ass. And Jack here is way too honest for this game."

He could hear Cas coming out of the bathroom and walking over to Inias, sitting down on the floor next to him against the radiator. 

Jack sighed and turned his attention back to the poker crowd. "This is a very confusing game."

Dean moved to sit next to Jack, and grabbed his cards. “Here, let me show you.”

He could feel Sam's eyes on him, practically sensing the tension. Jack just looked at him puzzled, with wide open eyes. 

Claire cleared her throat. "His problem is his poker face. Or non existent poker face. He always smiles brightly when he gets a good card, and makes a disappointed face when he gets shit."

“Well, if you don’t need my help?” Dean offered the cards back to Jack.

"I do!" Jack replied eagerly. "How do I hide my reaction? Claire says holding my cards in front of my face doesn't count. But I think it should count!"

Dean chuckled. “Just start smiling no matter what you get. Good or bad,” he whispered.

Jack looked at his really bad cards with a frown before he smiled over the top. It looked creepy and just fake. Claire nearly toppled over with laughter. 

Dean shook his head, unable to contain his own smile. “Maybe Go Fish is more your speed.”

Jack looked confused. "I thought the board game we have in the bunker is called the magnetic fishing game? I'm pretty good at that."

Claire giggled, sounding like she had trouble breathing with all the laughing. "It's the name of a card game, but seriously… who played magnetic fishing with you?"

Jack looked up at Sam, who looked embarrassed. "Sam showed me."

“Why the hell didn’t you show him MouseTrap? That’s a way better game, Sammy,” Dean chastised.

Claire's eyes went wide. "What kind of board game collection do you have?"

Dean smirked at her. “If you came to visit more, you’d know.”

"Is that your way of saying you miss me, Hasselhoff?" Claire replied smoothly.

“Somethin’ like that,” he said with a wink. In that moment, he turned to look at Cas.

Cas wasn't looking at him though. He was leaning against the radiator with his eyes closed. Inias had his head resting against Cas's shoulder, and appeared to be sleeping. 

Balthazar had noticed him looking and grinned. "Yeah, the old dream team is back. Before you came along we always made jokes about them getting their wings entangled."

Dean nodded and forced a smile. He moved to get up. “Time for the hard stuff. Anyone else?”

Everyone declined except for Balthazar, who was obviously having a good time. He could see Sam giving him a worried look, mouthing, "You okay?"

Dean just shrugged. The world was coming to an end, so personal life drama was going to have to take a backseat. At least until they figured out the world saving part.

**…. :::: :::: ….**

Cas had felt Dean looking at him, but he chose to ignore it. Instead he concentrated on feeling the comfort of his friend next to him. Inias had noticed his mood when he had returned from his conversation with Dean, and he had instantly been there for him. They hadn’t talked, but that wasn’t what Cas needed in that moment anyway. He just needed closeness to someone. That and time for quiet contemplation.

He had needed this conversation because it had brought him closer. They had talked openly about what they felt for each other, and although he had already known on some level that his feelings weren’t reciprocated, he needed to hear it out loud from Dean’s mouth.

It was over. He didn’t need to pretend anymore that there was hope or a chance. And this was a result he had to think about. He knew he couldn’t go on like this. His feelings for Dean had led him to misjudge a lot of situations. They had been the beginning to all of the mistakes he had made in his past, starting the moment he watched Dean raking leaves.

He was in love with Dean, and he only wanted him to be happy. He had rescued Sam to make Dean happy, but he hadn’t been able to retrieve his soul. And when Sam didn’t go to Dean, he couldn’t go to Dean either and confess his mistake. He also couldn’t go to him because Dean finally had a normal life and he deserved to be happy. He couldn’t take that from him. Which had led Cas down his own path. A desperate and lonely one. He had been too weak to protect Dean’s new-found life and he felt ashamed for that.

So ashamed that he had lied to Dean. The last thing he wanted was to disappoint Dean. He wanted Dean to have faith in him, that he could protect him this time. That this time he wouldn’t need to shoulder the burden.

And he had failed. He had brought the Leviathan into the world, and even after everything he had done, when they had landed in Purgatory, Dean still didn't give up on him. Cas knew he didn’t deserve to be out, he didn’t deserve Dean. 

It only got worse from there. Metatron had been right. Everything he had done had been for Dean. When he had freed Dean from the Mark of Cain, he knew it would have dire consequences for the world, but he didn’t care. All he cared about was Dean. He would rather see the world burn than see Dean get hurt.

As an angel, looking objectively at everything he had done, he knew he wasn’t better than Lucifer. Angels shouldn’t be guided by selfish thoughts. They were created to serve, to fight, to protect. They weren’t meant to have anything.

And even though he had lost his faith in his father, he knew that he once had the right idea when he had created him and his brethren. He wanted to follow the original path. He desperately wanted to be a normal angel again. One free from those selfish emotions. 

It was going to be hard not to see Dean again after this was over, but he knew it was the right choice. He couldn’t go on as just Dean’s best friend. Not anymore. He couldn’t kid himself anymore, he needed to draw a line somewhere. When this was over, he would stay in Heaven.

At least he knew that Dean had started to forgive Jack. He had seen their interaction and he knew Dean was trying. It helped seeing that. It helped to calm his anger and his worry. It didn’t help with his other problem, but it was nice to see Jack, Claire, Sam, and Dean playing a game together. 

He would miss that. But he knew in the long run it was for the best.

Inias shifted and lifted his head from Cas’s shoulder. “Sleeping is strange,” he murmured, voice deeper than usual.

"Did something wake you up?" Cas whispered, wrapping his arm around his shoulder to hold him close.

Inias shook his head. “Apparently that was all the sleep my vessel required.”

“How are you feeling?” Cas asked as he leaned back from his friend. Now that he was awake he didn’t need the closeness anymore to regenerate his grace.

“No need to worry about me, Castiel. I’m concerned about you. I can sense you haven’t rested.”

Cas gave his friend a soft smile. “I was busy thinking.”

Inias reciprocated the smile. “Can I be frank with you, Castiel?”

"Of course."

“I don’t believe Dean is being truthful in regards to his affection for you.”

Cas frowned before he tilted his head. "Why do you say that? We just talked about that, and I think he would have told me if he felt the same for me. He even said he wished he could. I just have to accept that."

Inias hummed and shook his head. “He looks at you a lot.”

"That doesn't mean anything. I made the same mistake thinking that." He shook his head. "He told me he couldn't even say if he would like me like in a female body. And this is my body now. A man. He isn't able to see me in any other way because of this."

There was a beat of silence as Inias appeared to be studying Dean. “He doesn’t look at anybody else as much as you. Eighty seven percent of the time, you are his focus. Even conversing with others.”

Cas shook his head slowly, whispering, “I know that, Inias. And I told Dean that was one of the reasons why a part of me hoped he would feel the same. But he told me he didn’t. So even if he likes me more on some level, it’s obviously nothing he wants or even considers.”

Inias looked from Cas to Dean, back to Cas again. “And there’s no doubt in your mind he was being honest?”

“He believes what he said,” Cas replied with a sigh. Truth was a relative concept.

“You know what I find curious?” Inias asked, a strange change of subject.

“What?”

Inias flashed him a knowing smile. “How often humans change their beliefs.”

Cas was well aware of what Inias was doing. He gave his friend a soft smile, feeling a weird sensation in his chest that told him how much he had missed talking to his friend. "They do sometimes. But not if you try to force it. It has to come from Dean. I have no influence over that."

Inias quirked his brow. “Well, that’s not quite true,” he said as he nodded in Dean’s direction. Dean appeared almost disgruntled and purposely focused his gaze downward.

Cas turned his attention back to Inias. "I don't understand."

“That’s his reaction when you smile at me.”

Cas raised his eyebrow, giving his friend a sceptical look. "Are you implying that he is jealous? That doesn't make any sense. You're my friend and he knows about my feelings for him."

Inias chuckled. “Would you like to test the theory?”

Cas sighed and leaned back against the radiator. "To what end? Do you really think it would prompt Dean into thinking about me the way that I wish for?"

“What have you really got to lose, Castiel?”

That was true. "So what do you suggest we do?"

Inias shrugged. “What do humans who are romantically entwined do?”

"Physical contact, like holding hands, kissing... things like that." Cas slid closer to Inias. "They look at each other, smile, have each other's attention."

Inias laid his arm out over his knee and offered his hand to Castiel. “It isn’t as though you and I haven’t been accused of entangling our wings in the past.”

Cas chuckled and took his hand, intertwining their fingers as he squeezed it. "You're right. Although I think Hester called us the mighty twins in jest.” He leaned closer and whispered, “Is it working?” He couldn’t see Dean without turning around.

There was a beat of silence before he chuckled. “He left to go to the bathroom. He looked annoyed.”

Cas couldn't help but feel guilty. "I didn't want him to be angry with me."

“I don’t think you’re the one he’s angry with, Castiel.”

“So what now?” Cas asked, feeling antsy to go after Dean. He hated feeling like this. He wanted distance, not to be close to him.

Inias shrugged. “This was as far as I planned.”

"Oh," Cas looked away and let go of Inias's hand. "Well it's not like my situation could get worse."

“Ah, yes. Your deal.” Inias sighed and leaned back. “Your heart still gets the better of you.”

“I’m not worried about the Empty and this whole thing about happiness. I don’t see that ever happening. Even if Dean did reciprocate my feelings, I would still be worried about losing him at some point.” Cas smirked at Inias before he added, “I’m too cynical to be happy.”

“What a strange blessing in disguise.”

Cas's eyes wandered back to the bathroom door where Dean had vanished. "Yes," he replied absentmindedly, hating how much he wanted to go and talk to Dean again.

Inias tapped Cas on his shoulder to get his attention. “Why don’t you rest?”

"If you find a shutdown button for my thoughts, I can do that." Cas took in a deep breath. He knew he needed the rest, otherwise it would just take longer for his grace to replenish. And that was time they didn’t have.

“Would you like me to knock you out?” Inias asked as he raised his index and middle finger toward Cas’s temple.

Cas grabbed Inias's hand and squeezed it, giving him a quick smile. "The last time you did that was two thousand years ago, remember? You told me you would watch over me, and then you went to the local bazaar to buy some fruits, because you got distracted by the music coming from there. Meanwhile a goat ate my clothes while I was sleeping."

“In my defense, that goat appeared quite trustworthy.”

Cas raised his eyebrow. "How did you figure that?"

Inias shrugged. “He had kind eyes.”

"And an insatiable appetite for linen," Cas replied dryly before he smiled. “Just promise me you will stay with me this time and wake me up when something happens.”

Inias nodded as he gently guided Cas to rest his head against Inias’s shoulder. “Rest now, my friend. We have a world to save tomorrow.”

Cas closed his eyes and tried to relax. He was glad that he had his friend back at his side. Especially now when his emotions were all over the place. Inias always had a calming effect on him. It was exactly what he needed right now.

He tried not to think of Dean and to concentrate on resting so he would be okay the next day. But green eyes haunted his mind before Inias finally touched his forehead and he was shrouded in darkness.


	5. Proud Mary

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another early post! Because Frankie is a sleepy llama. Again, if you're still enjoying this, we love your love! <3<3<3

#    
**Proud Mary**

# 

Just to be safe, the angel who was most well rested took everyone to the bunker, a couple at a time. That way the journey only zapped the energy of one of them. Inias ended up being the guy, and Dean had to hold his breath to keep himself from decking the guy in the face. 

It was a stupid, immature part of himself he struggled with. Jealousy, especially when it came to his people. Dean didn’t have many, but he was protective of them. Sometimes to a fault. And the fact that Inias was being more than just chummy… that sure as hell didn’t sit well with Dean.

When they reached the bunker, all of the humans split up to find chargers for their phones. With any luck, hopefully one of them had a voicemail from Rowena telling them her exact location. And while Dean was dreaming, maybe she could even tell them she was with Amara in that very moment.

Dean snagged the one in the library, so everyone else had to go searching. He tried to not feel smug about it. As he stared down at the black screen with a lightning bolt, he sighed and moved to kick his heels up on the table. He hated waiting.

"Oh, hello. You're back," a familiar voice greeted him from the door that led to the kitchen. It was Rowena, carefully sipping from a steaming cup of tea, held to her ruby red lips.

“Son of a…” Dean cried out as his surprise caused the chair to teeter backwards. He slammed his eyes shut to brace himself for the oncoming head injury.

But it never came. Cas was there out of nowhere, holding his chair and carefully putting it back in the right position. "Rowena. We were trying to reach you."

“Well, you should’ve come home then, shouldn’t you, tweetie pie?”

Cas tilted his head. "We had no idea you were here."

The witch tsked and held up her cup. "Where else would I be? There is an apocalypse going on. Again. The bunker is the safest place, and I'm a survivor."

Cockroach would be more accurate, but Dean knew better than to say that out loud. Dean scoffed and shook his head in amazement. “Unbelievable.”

She shrugged. "Also, I figured it wouldn't be long before you came begging for my help again. So what did you do this time?"

Before Dean could answer, Cas shook his head. "It's God. He decided that he is done with this world because we refused to be his puppets. It seems like my father's wish for free will had just been for show, and in reality he is just… a vile, bored, vindictive being."

“Killing Chuck is out,” Dean added, wincing preemptively as he said, “but we’re thinking, if we can find Amara, we can trap him.”

Rowena nodded thoughtfully. "So, I was right. You need my help to find the Darkness. What makes you think she's on your side?"

Dean shrugged. “Nothin’, but we figured, with the world ending, it couldn’t hurt to see if our bond might be of any use to us all.”

Cas gave him a hurt look that he quickly tried to disguise by looking away. Not quick enough for Dean to have _ not _ seen. "And Gabriel is working on a way to replicate the prison Amara had been locked in. After all, he was there when God trapped her and put the Mark of Cain on Lucifer."

"And corrupted him," Rowena added before she asked, "Who would be burdened by carrying a Mark that contained God himself?"

"We haven't decided on a candidate yet," Cas replied quietly.

“No deciding necessary. Right here,” Dean said as he pointed to himself on his way to the liquor cart. He held up the whiskey and dangled it at her in invitation.

She nodded before Cas chuckled mirthlessly. "You can't, Dean. Your bond with the Darkness makes it impossible. And we want someone who is used to living for all eternity. We will choose an angel for that."

“So you can create Lucifer 2.0? Yeah, how about a big fat no on that?” Dean said with a scoff.

Sam interjected then, “Dean has a point, Cas.”

Cas rolled his eyes, clearly annoyed. "It's not up for discussion. He is our father, it's our responsibility. An angel is much more likely to be able to contain him. We are used to powers, we are used to living forever. We are made from the same light as God himself. The Darkness corrupted Lucifer because he once was the angel with the brightest light. Humans are much better suited for carrying Darkness because you're used to it since the original sin. It doesn't make sense to burden a human with the light of God. It would burn you. It would replace your soul. Angels don't have a soul, we are the perfect vessel to serve as a prison."

“I’ll do it,” Jack piped up.

Dean and Sam barked a simultaneous, “No!”

Cas didn't say anything. He just looked at Jack for a long moment before he said, "It's Gabriel's decision. And since I know Heaven, I know they won't take any risks. The angel who takes the Mark will have to be imprisoned for eternity."

Dean sighed and waved everyone off. “None of that’s gonna matter if we can’t get Amara on board. So, whaddya say, Rowena? Can you help us out?”

"Sure, but I need something from you." She turned to Cas with a smirk. "I want Gabriel's horn."

Cas raised his eyebrow. "Um, I'm almost certain he won't give it to you. It would allow you to summon him any time you want."

Rowena waggled her eyebrows. "Exactly. And he will. Just tell him I asked for it."

Dean pinched the bridge of his nose. Unfrigginbelievable. He sighed and said, “Well, the sooner one of you gets her booty call horn, the sooner we can find Am–”

Cas grabbed Jack's hand and they vanished before Dean could even finish his sentence. Too bad they didn’t take Inias with them, who was quietly leaning against the table, watching their interactions with interest.

“Well, I guess we just wait.” Dean slumped into one of the chairs and kicked his feet up again.

Rowena smiled. "Who wants a cup of tea?" She looked expectantly at Inias. "Never seen you before. The lack of style in your suit and the stiff posture… I’m guessing... angel?"

Inias looked down at himself with a frown before he replied, "Yes, I'm Inias."

“Wait a sec,” Dean said with a furrowed brow, “how’d you know Gabriel was alive?”

"Oh, he sent me a present and a card," she replied as she slid her hair behind her ear, showing off some pretty extravagant looking ruby earrings.

“So, dude came back to life and the first thing he did was send you jewelry?” Dean shook his head, unable to contain the bemused scoff of laughter.

"I don't expect you to understand real devotion and class," Rowena replied smoothly before she sat down at the table.

Dean rolled his eyes. “Unbelievable.”

Inias sat down next to Dean, giving him a curious look. The way he pushed his chair further away from the angel didn’t escape Rowena’s watchful eye. “So, what else did I miss?”

“Just the end of the world. Again.” Dean really wished he could get drunk.

Rowena folded her hand on the table and turned to Inias. "So, Inias. Are you a good friend of our resident dream angel?"

Inias tilted his head. "Castiel?"

"The one and only," she replied with a curious expression. 

Inias nodded. "He is my oldest and closest friend." 

Rowena chuckled and leaned forward. "I bet you know all of his interesting and funny childhood stories."

The angel frowned at that before he seemed to get it. "Oh, yes. Last night he actually reminded me of an incident that happened thousands of years ago. It was pretty funny. Although Castiel didn't laugh at the time, since it was his clothes the goat had eaten while he was sleeping."

Dean forced his lips to stay put, despite how funny that little anecdote was. He refused to give Inias the satisfaction. “Maybe you should start getting things ready to locate Amara?” Dean pointedly said to Rowena.

She quirked her perfectly plucked eyebrow and looked between the two of them. “Okay, what is the story between the two of you? Why are you glaring daggers at that poor feathery fella’?”

“Rowena,” Dean said in an overly cheerful tone, “just get to work.”

Rowena leaned back with an appraising look before she turned to Inias. "Aw, I see what's going on. You stole his angel toy."

Dean scoffed and got up from the table. He turned to his brother as he left for his room. “Come get me when they get back.”

Sam gave him a worried look before he nodded and turned his attention to the others, leaning closer to Rowena before whispering something to her.

Dean ignored them all and made his way to his room. His sanctuary. A place he was able to hide away from the world, and considering it was ending… 

He dropped himself on his bed and laid against the headboard. Stupid witches being able to see things they shouldn’t. Stupid doe eyed angels and their boyfriends. Dean really wished he could get drunk.

It wasn’t like he was going to be able to, at least until they figured out if they could even stop the newest apocalypse. Dean sighed as he found his focus locked on the stupid bee plush toy he had bought for Cas as a joke, but never got the nerve to give to him. 

Which was probably a good idea, considering he had been unwittingly giving the angel mixed signals for years. Dean hated that Cas now didn’t want anything to do with him because of his friggin’ feelings. The thought that because Dean didn’t… _ couldn’t _reciprocate those feelings was the reason he didn’t have a best friend anymore broke Dean more than he was willing to admit.

But maybe… maybe Cas and Inias getting together could mean… Dean shook his head. He hated the thought of Cas hooking up with that guy even more than never seeing him again. Which made even less sense. It wasn’t fair for Dean to be so selfish.

And now was not the time for selfishness. No matter how much he wished it was.

**…. :::: :::: ….**

Cas had to wait for Gabriel to retrieve the horn. For some reason, the archangel hadn’t even questioned his request. He simply smirked and told him he had to get it first, and that Cas and Jack were supposed to wait for him in Heaven.

Cas was happy about the time away from everything in the bunker. He felt way more relaxed in Heaven than down on Earth. Funny how quickly things could change. There was another thing beside his problematic situation with Dean that was on his mind though. He hadn’t just brought Jack with him so he could keep an eye on him, but because he had something planned.

“Jack,” he started carefully. “I… I want you to come with me, to visit Mary. Would you do that?”

Jack seemed hesitant. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

That was interesting. "Why not?"

Jack sighed and looked at Cas like he was crazy. “I killed her.”

"And what was your first instinct after it happened?" Cas asked calmly.

“To bring her back,” he said simply.

“Exactly. And why did you want to bring her back?"

Jack shrugged. “For Sam and Dean.”

Cas raised an eyebrow before he gave him a long look. "Only for them, or also for yourself? You and Mary spent a lot of time with each other. You looked out for each other when you were in the apocalypse world. She is your friend, your family. Those are still facts, and you know that in your mind, even if you have trouble feeling it."

“My mind didn’t know enough to not let me hurt her.”

"You were stressed when it happened. You didn't mean to kill Mary." Cas touched Jack's shoulder, making the boy look at him. "I know you didn't want her dead. And this is what makes the difference. You might not have a soul for guidance, but you also don't go around murdering the world."

Jack looked away. “I don’t want to upset her, hurt her more.”

"Jack," Cas replied softly. "Mary is fine. She is happy now in Heaven and I know she wants to see you. And you need the closure, Jack."

There was a beat of tense silence before he murmured, “Okay.”

He couldn’t help but feel proud of Jack. “Good.” He rubbed his thumb over his shoulder encouragingly. “You’re doing the right thing.”

Jack nodded, but he still seemed tense.

"What are you afraid of?" he asked softly as they walked down the long hallways of Heaven.

“I’m… I’m not afraid. Just… concerned, I guess.”

“About what?” Cas gave him another soft smile. “She wants to see you. She told me.”

Jack’s eyebrows shot up. “She did?”

Cas nodded, giving him another encouraging look. "She is worried about you, and I think it's important for you to talk to her. It will give your mind the peace that you might not realize you're craving."

“How is she worried for me? I killed her.” Jack sighed and looked up at Cas. “I don’t understand.”

“She loves you, Jack.” They arrived in front of the door to Mary and John Winchester’s Heaven. “Maybe you’ll understand when you talk to her.”

Jack visibly swallowed and nodded. “Okay.”

Cas opened the door, warm light radiating from it as he took Jack's hand and guided him through. "Everything will be okay," he said calmly as they walked up to the Winchester's old family home in Lawrence. 

The door opened and Mary stepped out, waiting for them with a soft expression on her face. It was nice to see her at peace.

Jack stopped moving in that moment. He still appeared reticent.

Cas squeezed his hand, but didn’t force him to go closer. This was Jack’s decision. Mary turned to look at him and smiled before she came closer, walking up to Jack.

“Hello, Jack. I’m glad you came.” She nodded and exchanged a quick, grateful smile with Cas.

“You are?” Jack asked as he furrowed his brow.

Mary stepped closer, reaching out for Jack’s hand. Cas let go of him, but he stayed close so Jack felt safe.

“I’m not angry with you, Jack. I want you to know that,” Mary started to explain. “I’m worried about you, though.”

Jack took her hand. “I didn’t mean to kill you.”

“I know you didn’t,” Mary replied softly. “You’re in a difficult situation. Like having suddenly lost one of your senses, and now you have to learn how to navigate the world without it. I want you to promise that you will always listen to my sons or Castiel before you make a decision.”

Jack nodded, like a child being scolded. “I… I promise.”

“Good.” Mary smiled at him before she drew him into a tight hug. “You’re family, Jack. And I forgive you. I need you to know that.”

“I’m so sorry,” he murmured as he visibly clung to Mary.

"I know you are." Mary looked up at Cas over Jack's shoulder with a smile.

Cas couldn't help but smile back. He knew he did a good thing by bringing Jack here. And it was nice to do something right for a change.

When Mary let go of Jack she added, "You can visit me anytime you want, you know? If you want to talk, or just hang out."

Jack nodded and flashed her a grateful smile. “And you’re really happy here?”

"I'm back with my husband. And we can finally just be." She smiled and nodded. "I'm happy."

“Good. I’m glad something good came of something bad.”

Mary pursed her lips before she gave Jack a long, searching look. "So what’s your plan now? What are you gonna do with your life?"

Jack smiled and proudly said, “We’re gonna save the world.”

Mary raised her eyebrow before she grinned and shot Cas a questioning look. "Okay?"

"It's a long story," he replied before he put his hand on Jack's shoulder. "But I don't want you to worry. We have a lot of help this time around."

Jack nodded. “We’re gonna trap my grandpa.”

"God?" Mary asked, her eyebrows at her hairline.

Cas sighed. "He wants to destroy the world because..." Cas closed his eyes for a moment. The thought still made his chest hurt. "Because he got bored."

Mary quirked her brow, clearly annoyed. “Because he got _ bored,” _ she slowly repeated.

Cas nodded, massaging his forehead before he added, "Apparently he does that. He creates random worlds to entertain himself and destroys them when he loses interest. He created a world full of squirrels. I’ll let that speak for itself."

Mary scoffed as she leaned against the porch bannister. “I guess if you’re the most powerful thing in existence, creatures like us are merely toys.”

"I'm very powerful," Jack murmured with a thoughtful expression. "But I would never destroy anything for such a stupid reason."

Cas squeezed Jack's shoulder. "That is the human side of you. That is what makes you better, and what makes you special. It's also the reason I believe in you, Jack."

Jack flashed him an almost innocent smile as he ducked Cas’s gaze.

Mary smiled at them both. “How’re my boys, by the way? Cas, how’s Dean?”

Cas swallowed visibly and looked away from Mary. He was stupid for not anticipating that question. Jack gave him a sympathetic look. “Um, he is… okay, I guess.”

“Did something happen?” Mary asked as she stepped closer. “Are… are my sons… they’re still alive.” While it came out like a question, it felt more like a statement.

"Of course," Cas replied, feeling ashamed his answer made Mary doubt that for a moment. "They're alive and currently in the bunker, working on a plan."

Mary let out a relieved sigh. She looked at Cas then. “Well, I’m glad you’re there for him. He’s going to need you.”

Cas looked down at his feet. "I... I'm not. I'm returning to Heaven after this final mission with Sam and Dean."

That was met with a more resigned sigh. “What’d Dean do?”

Cas shook his head. "He was very angry when you died. We got into a fight and... I also told him how I feel about him." Cas shook his head. "I can't stay by his side anymore. For my own sake."

Mary gently grasped Cas’s shoulder. “I’m sorry you feel that way. You were… you were good for my son.”

Cas wasn't sure if that was true. Looking back on their relationship... it hadn't been the healthiest. And his love for Dean had made Cas make decisions that weren't worthy of an angel, whose mission was to protect all of humanity. Not just one person. "It's better this way."

Mary chuckled and shook her head. “It’s easier. Not better.”

Cas scoffed before he looked at the sky. "Nothing about this is easy. This whole situation is tearing me apart. There is nothing I want more than to be at Dean's side. But I can't." 

“Really, Castiel?” Mary folded her arms over her chest. “You’ve withstood a lot of shit. My son being a dumb ass because he doesn’t know how to cope with what he feels for you should be a cakewalk.”

Cas frowned, trying to understand what Mary was implying. "Dean wasn't an asshole to me. He just told me he doesn't feel that way about me and that was it." He shook his head. "And I... I'm aware that my feelings for Dean aren't appropriate. I'm an angel. It never ends well for my species when we fall in love with a human." He already had thought about going to Naomi with this. Maybe there was a method of making him forget about his feelings for Dean. It would make things easier.

“I may not have gotten as much time with my boys as I would have liked,” Mary said before she turned to Jack, “And that’s not got anything to do with you. I’m talking about my first time on earth.” Mary sighed and returned her focus to Cas. “I know how to cook chicken in a microwave, I know Zeppelin’s catalogue by heart, and I know when my boys have a crush.”

Cas chuckled and shook his head. Why was everyone so convinced Dean had feelings for him? “He told me that he doesn’t feel the same. Why would he lie to me?”

“Have you ever lied to my sons?” 

“Yes, of course. But this is different. I was honest with him. Why would Dean deliberately hurt my feelings if he feels the same? It doesn’t make any sense.”

Mary quirked her brow. “Why did _ you _ lie?”

“Eight years ago I had an alliance with Crowley, and I didn’t want them to know. So I lied. It’s one of my biggest regrets,” Cas confessed to her after a moment.

“But _ why _ did you lie?”

“Because I didn’t want to disappoint Dean.”

Mary chuckled and shook her head. “Okay. Well, I promise you one thing, my son cares deeply for you. How deep that goes, I’m not sure. But he does.”

"I know he does. But it's not enough. And I feel the need to be selfish for once." He looked up at her with a determined look. "I'm sorry I can't be there for him anymore." 

“There’s no need to apologize, Castiel.” Mary gave him a warm smile. “I should let you get back to saving the world.”

Cas nodded and gave her a soft smile. “I will keep you updated. Come on, Jack. We should see if Gabriel has had any progress in retrieving his horn.”

Jack nodded and moved in to give Mary another hug. He turned to Cas and said, “Okay, I’m ready.”

They left Mary and John's Heaven, side by side, and as soon as Cas had closed the door behind him, he gave Jack a searching look. "How are you?"

Jack gave him a small smile. “I’m glad she’s happy.”

Cas nodded before he asked, “Are you glad you went to see her?”

“I am.” Jack went in for a hug. “Thank you,” he murmured.

Cas hugged him back. "Good," he murmured, closing his eyes for a moment. For the first time he really felt like he was there for Jack. When he leaned back, he carded his fingers through Jack's hair. "Why did you offer yourself as carrier for the seal?"

Jack shrugged. “It makes the most sense.”

The thing was, that it did make the most sense. Logically there was nothing Cas could use as an argument against it. Except… “They might imprison you in Heaven should you take it.” 

“So? You’ll be here, right?”

"That is true, but you couldn't go anywhere." Cas watched Jack's face for a moment when a thought crossed his mind. "Unless that is something you want. Not being able to go anywhere… would mean you would never have to be afraid of doing the wrong thing again."

Jack nodded. “That’s what I was thinking.”

He didn't anticipate how much it hurt to hear his worry confirmed. "That isn't the life I wanted for you," he murmured as he guided Jack back to the main hall. 

Jack shrugged. “Me neither, but I’d rather do that than hurt my family again.”

"I wouldn't let you." Cas halted Jack before he could open the door. "I'm going to watch over you from now on. So you don't have to be afraid."

Jack shook his head at that. “I appreciate that, I really do, but… there’s too much of a risk if I’m able to fly away.” He sighed and gave him a pointed look. “You know I can disappear and keep you in the dark.”

"I have faith that you won't. You said you needed me and that you trust my decisions," Cas replied with a heavy heart. He didn't even want to entertain the thought, but a part of him also knew that Jack was the perfect choice. Maybe this was his destiny. Cas had always known Jack was meant to save the world. And he would by taking on the Mark.

Jack fixed him with a serious expression. “Is there someone better to take the Mark?”

Cas slowly shook his head. “Probably not.” He sighed and looked at the white ceiling that didn’t have any answers either. “But it won’t be up to me to decide who takes the Mark.”

“Nope! It’ll be up to the stupid council. Did I mention how much I hate politics?” Gabriel said as he appeared, holding his horn.

He had. On multiple occasions. But Cas didn’t say that out loud. “I feel better now that you’re in the council though, Gabriel.”

Gabriel rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah. Well, I wouldn’t have to be if the others didn’t have a history of destroying the damn world.”

“There needs to be a balance of power. Next to Raphael, you’re the only archangel left. The others respect you.” Cas didn’t want to think about a time where Gabriel could just vanish again out of boredom. He was sure history would repeat itself.

“Well, I’m tired of having to clean up everyone’s messes. The only way to do it is to prevent them from happening, it seems,” Gabriel grumbled.

“Exactly.” Cas grinned and clapped his shoulder. “And you’re doing a good job so far.” He held his hands out for the horn. “Do you want me to give Rowena a message from you?”

Gabriel waggled his eyebrows. “Yeah, tell her: all she’s gotta do to make me come, is blow.”

**…. :::: :::: ….**

Dean happened to be on his way to the kitchen for a beer when Cas and Jack suddenly appeared in front of him, holding an absurdly large horn. He couldn’t help but scoff. Someone was overcompensating.

“That thing’s as big as Rowena,” he said as his greeting to them.

Cas was obviously uncomfortable before he pushed the horn into Dean's arms with a gruff, "I'm not repeating what Gabriel said." And then Dean saw something on Cas's face that he hadn't seen in years. A friggin’ blush. The guy was clearly embarrassed.

Dean furrowed his brow, but his lips were turned up in amusement. “What’d he say?”

Cas gave Dean a quick look before he moved past him, walking down the hallway in the direction of the library.

Jack answered instead, "He said she should blow it when she wants him to come."

Dean quirked his brow even more. The hell was so weird about that? He shrugged and nodded at Jack. “Come on, kid. Gotta give a witch her booty call device.”

"What's a booty call?"

“It’s, uh… um… a call… for sex.” Dean rubbed the back of his neck and hoped that was the last question the kid asked.

"Oh, I see. That's why Castiel was uncomfortable. He thinks about you that way because of his feelings for you," Jack stated.

Dean dropped the horn. “What?”

Jack jumped forward and caught it just before it hit the ground. He looked up with a confused frown. "Yes, I heard Mary and him talking about his feelings for you."

The hell? Cas talked to his mom? Dean shook his head. “What?” he repeated.

Jack looked conflicted then. "Is that something I shouldn't have told you?"

Dean didn’t know the answer to that, although he was leaning towards a profound yes. He shook his head and nodded to the library. “Let’s go.”

"I'm sorry," Jack replied with a dejected tone in his voice. "Cas thought it was a good idea for me to talk to Mary, and after I did, they talked about you. I... I didn't know Cas's feelings for you were a secret. I thought you already knew."

Dean waved him off. “No, I know. I just… I guess I didn’t connect the dots.”

"About the sex?" Jack asked bluntly. Man, this kid really was just like Cas sometimes.

“Jesus, kid.” Dean sighed. “Yeah, I guess.”

Jack frowned. "Isn't it normal to want sex if you're in love with someone?"

“Well, yeah, but…” but Dean never thought about it like that. Never put two and two together. Never thought Cas thought of him… sexually. 

"But what?" Jack asked as they reached the library.

When he saw Cas, he shook his head. “Never mind.”

Cas gave him a quick look before he turned away again, focusing on Rowena instead. "We brought you the horn. Can you find Amara now?"

Rowena hummed as she took the horn from Jack. “Yes. I just need to grab my book,” she said as she disappeared, horn in hand, in the direction of the rooms.

Jack looked around before he clapped his hands and announced he was going to find Sam, leaving Cas and Dean alone in the library. 

Dean had never felt so awkward around Cas before. Not even when the guy showed up naked, covered in bees. He shuffled his feet and said the first thing that popped in his head. “You saw my mom again?”

Cas leaned against the table and nodded after a moment. "She wanted to talk to Jack. I thought it was a good idea. For both of them."

“Was it?”

"Yes, I think so." Cas bit his lower lip before he looked away from Dean. "I think it helped Jack. He needed to know that Mary forgave him."

Dean sighed as he moved to sit. “Cas.”

Cas shifted against the table to look at him. There wasn't much space between them. "Dean," he replied softly before he asked, "Are you angry at me for visiting Mary with him?"

“No,” he said, “I’m glad you did it.”

Cas looked surprised by that. "You are?"

Dean nodded. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

Cas gave him a long look. “Not so long ago you were hell bent on killing my… um, Jack. I thought you wouldn’t want him to talk to your mother.”

“You just see the how, but you’re not bothering to see the damn why. I didn’t want to kill Jack anymore than you wanted me to.” Dean sighed. “And you’re never gonna see it, are you?”

“Then explain it to me!” Cas yelled at him, making Dean startle. He didn’t expect such a strong reaction from Cas. “Because I never thought, for even a second, you could hold a gun to his head.”

“You think I wanted to?” Dean demanded as he stood up.

“Don’t you dare tell me you had to do it! You know there is always another way!” Cas growled, standing nose to nose with him, his eyes furious.

“You’re letting your feelings for the kid blind you!”

"He is family!" Cas yelled back. "There was a time when you understood what that meant."

Dean scoffed and shoved Cas out of his face. “Stop playing that card. You know damn well I know what that means!”

“Yet Jack doesn’t seem to fall into that category for you, despite everything you said,” Cas replied, voice quieter now. “Sam didn’t want to kill him. You did. And your apology means nothing to me if you don’t see that you were wrong in wanting to kill him.”

Dean narrowed his eyes. “If you think that, then you’re a fucking moron.”

Cas squinted his eyes at him before he scoffed and shook his head, turning away from him. “Then I guess there is nothing left to say.” He pushed himself away from the table. “Send me a text when Rowena is done with her spell.”

Dean grabbed Cas’s arm. “Why won’t you listen to what I’m saying?”

Cas roughly pulled away from him. “Why should I? The only thing you do is insult me and try to defend what you did,” he growled. 

“Because you keep accusing me of trying to murder Jack, like I’m a blood thirsty monster, not someone who had to make a fucking choice between our kid and the goddamn world!”

"It wasn't your choice to make! He is not just your child!" Cas replied with a hiss.

Dean shook his head. “Whatever. Cling to every excuse you need to, to justify ditching us, because you’re too chickenshit to face me just ‘cause I don’t wanna drop to my knees and blow you.”

Cas just stared at him for a moment, shock evident on his face before his features turned heartbroken. "I can't believe you just said that to me." He shook his head, biting his lower lip before he turned around. "Using my feelings against me." 

Dean turned him back to face him. “You’re using your feelings against me, and I hate it!” He sighed and drew back. “I hate this is how we are now.”

"Yes, well… You won't need to suffer through this much longer," Cas growled. "As soon as this is over, you won't see me again." He turned around to leave the room. "I want you to stay away from me."

And for the first time, in a long time, Dean couldn’t stop the tears that started to escape. “I’m sorry,” he sobbed out. He might have said more, but he didn’t trust his voice to not break.

Cas turned around, his eyes equally shining with tears. "Why are you doing this to me? You keep hurting me, and now you say you’re sorry. I can't do this anymore."

“I don’t wanna hurt you, Cas. It’s the last thing I want.”

  
"You're doing a very bad job," Cas replied quietly before he stepped closer to Dean. "I don't know what to do, Dean."

It was weird how much bluer the guy’s eyes got from unshed tears. It broke Dean’s damn heart. “I don’t wanna lose you,” he confessed.

Cas closed his eyes for a moment, a single tear slipping down his cheek when he opened them again. Dean had never seen Cas cry before, and his voice sounded broken when he murmured, "We can't even talk anymore without hurting each other. Our friendship is falling apart, and I don't see it getting better. I don't see how."

“I wanna fix it. Please let me fix it,” he pleaded. And Dean wasn’t one to beg.

There was a spark in Cas's eyes. A spark that looked like hope. "How?"

Dean shrugged. “I… I don’t know, but… what do you need? How can I start fixing it?”

Cas searched Dean's eyes for a moment, expression almost afraid. He stepped back and shook his head. "I… I don't know. Maybe we can't fix it… there is already so much lost."

Whatever possessed him in that moment, Dean would never know, but he stepped forward, into Cas’s personal space. He cupped his cheek and searched his features. “You’re right, we’ve lost so much. I don’t want to lose you.”

Cas shifted away from his hand. "Please don't… don't touch me like that. It isn't helping."

Dean grasped his shoulders. “Why do you love me? After everything?”

Cas stepped away from his touch again. "Because it was never a choice. The moment I touched your soul in Hell I was lost. I can't stop loving you, and right now I wish I couldn't feel a thing… This is tearing me apart."

“What if...” Dean stopped himself. That wasn’t fair, an occasional sex dream of his angel best friend was not a reason to give him false hope.

Cas stepped further away, out of his personal space. Like he was slowly slipping away. "What if what?" he asked quietly, the hope in his eyes now gone.

“It’s stupid,” Dean cried as he rifled his hand through his hair. “We’re stupid if we think we can beat God, and telling you how I feel, when it might not _ be _anything… and… fuck it.” Dean sighed and shook his head. “Just go.”

Cas froze and squinted his eyes at him. "How do you feel about me?". 

“I don’t know!”

Cas's eyebrows shot up to his hairline as he murmured, "Your mother implied that you like me more than I think."

Dean turned away, unable to look Cas in the eye. He had no idea what to say to that.

"You asked me what you can do to fix this," Cas said, suddenly closer again. "This is it. I want you to be honest with me, and yourself."

“I don’t wanna lead you on,” he whispered.

Cas's brow furrowed before he squinted his eyes at him, his nose scrunching up. "Does that mean a part of you is interested, but you don't know if it's real or just curiosity?"

Dean almost winced as the reality of breathing life into those words struck. “Yes,” he breathed out, barely above a whisper.

Cas swallowed visibly before he looked up at Dean, his gaze determined. "I want to be worth the risk."

Dean scoffed. “You’re worth the risk… I’m not.”

"How about you let me be the judge of that?" Cas replied with a low growl.

The laugh that escaped was mirthless and frustrated. “You’re ready to bounce because I didn’t say I love you back, the hell are you gonna do if I…” he shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. None of this matters.”

Cas gave him a dejected look before he sighed and replied, "It matters if you want to change my mind about leaving. What is the worst thing that could happen? That you hurt me and I leave? That is already happening."

“It’ll be worse if you leave and…” Dean sighed. “If we try anything and I allow myself to feel things for you. It’ll be worse.”

Cas slowly shook his head. "I wouldn't leave if you felt the same. No matter how much you hurt me. I would stay… because that would give me a reason to stay. And I need a reason."

Dean held Cas’s gaze. “So what do we do now?”

"You need to make a decision, Dean." Cas stepped closer. So close he could feel his warm breath on his skin.

“Right now?” He hated how much his voice trembled.

"It's the end of the world. When, if not now?" Cas replied, sounding way too calm.

Dean let out a soft, surprised huff of laughter. “You’re using my best line on me?”

Cas gave him a little smirk. "Is it working?"

And like releasing a deep breath he’d been holding for too damn long, Dean soaked in the relief he felt in that moment as he gently cupped Cas’s cheek. “You tell me.”

Instead of leaning away from his hand, Cas shifted to nudge his cheek against Dean’s palm, his eyes fluttering shut for a brief moment. He hummed before he looked up at Dean, eyes that belied the calmness in Cas's voice. "I really hope it does."

Dean swallowed dryly and found himself leaning in closer still.

He could almost taste Cas's softly exhaled gasp as loud high heels on the wooden floor made them jump apart.

"I've got the book, boys."

Dean nervously rubbed the back of his neck. “Uh, good. Great.”

He could feel Cas's intense gaze on him before he saw him move in his periphery, leaning against the table. "Is there anything else you need, Rowena?" Cas's voice deep and husky.

She looked up with a raised eyebrow. “Yes, silence. Skedaddle.” She made a shooing gesture with her hand. 

Cas grumbled something before he pushed himself off the table. “Tell us when you find her. I’ll be in my room.” And with that, he walked out of the library and in the direction of the bunker’s rooms.

Dean was at a loss for what to do. Should he follow Cas? If he followed him, they were probably going to kiss. He almost kissed his best friend. Or former best friend? Dean still didn’t really know where they stood.

He sighed and decided to man up. If Cas was waiting for him, he would take it as a sign they should make out. If he wasn’t… well, that would be answer enough.


	6. You Really Got Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another early post! Because, yup, you guessed it, Frankie is a sleepy llama.

#    
**You Really Got Me**

# 

Cas wanted to wait in the hallway, so Dean would know he wanted to continue their conversation in a more private setting. The problem was that he instantly ran into Inias on his way to his room. "Oh," he said as he looked behind himself, not seeing Dean yet. "Hello, Inias."

Inias smiled. “Hello, Castiel. How was Heaven?”

"Bright," he replied dryly. "What did you do while I was away?"

“Accompany me to my quarters, I’ll show you,” he said, voice kind and fond.

Cas looked over his shoulder again. “How long will this take?”

Inias chuckled. “Do you have someplace to be?” he asked as he nodded for Cas to follow him.

"Yes." Cas quickly followed Inias to his room and slipped behind his friend before closing the door behind him. "Dean and I started talking about things. It's still fragile, and I'm not sure where it's heading."

Inias’s eyebrows shot up. “What?”

“You sound surprised.” Cas gave his friend a soft smile. “You were the one suggesting that his feelings for me might not only be friendship.”

Inias chuckled. “That doesn’t mean I knew whether or not he would act upon those feelings.”

“Well, technically nothing has happened yet.” Cas sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “What did you want to show me?”

The way Inias’s eyes widened, he had clearly momentarily forgotten why they were there. He turned to the bed and grabbed a knitting needle and what appeared to be a poorly crafted scarf. “I learned to knit,” he said proudly.

Cas had no idea how to react. The beautifully innocent way Inias held up that scarf… Cas couldn’t help but smile and feel proud of Inias’s achievement. “That is incredible. How did you figure that out?”

“I found the supplies in one of the storage rooms, and Sam showed me videos on the internet that teach you things.” Inias smiled and held it up to Cas’s neck. “This will be a gift for you when I am finished.”

The wool felt soft against his throat and tickled slightly. "For me? Why?" 

Inias shrugged. “Isn’t that what you do for friends?”

"I don't know." Cas chuckled. "I've never created anything in my life for someone else." Cas grabbed Inias's hand and squeezed it. "It makes me happy to see you have found something you like. Something outside of Heaven's duty."

“It’s quite calming.” Inias smiled. “Perhaps you should take up such a hobby?”

"Maybe I will when this is all over." He looked over his shoulder at the door. "I... I have to find Dean."

Inias nodded. “I’m happy for you, my friend.”

"Thank you." Cas gave him another smile. "I'm not sure if it's going anywhere, but for the first time I feel... hopeful." He grabbed the door handle, giving Inias another soft smile before he left his room.

Dean was nowhere in sight. The hallway was empty.

Cas sighed and walked down to his room. Maybe Dean was waiting there? He carefully opened the door to his own room and slipped inside. It was empty.

The little feeling of hope vanished from his chest. He had no idea what he should do. Should he go to Dean's room? Maybe look for him? Maybe he was in “The Dean Cave”. 

Cas sighed and turned around, walking down the hallway again, hoping he wouldn't meet anyone. The door to Dean's recreation room stood ajar. He carefully peeked inside. “Dean?”

Dean was hunched over the pool table, aiming the cue. “Hey, Cas.” He almost sounded dejected.

Cas slipped inside and approached him. "I... I think we missed each other."

Dean hit the cue against the white ball, the cracking of it hitting another ball strangely loud. He stood up and furrowed his brow. “I figured you, uh… you needed space again.”

"No. I... I was with Inias. He has apparently started knitting a scarf for me," Cas explained.

“I see,” he said as he moved to the other side of the table to line up a new shot.

Cas wasn't sure what was happening. He had no experience with a situation like this. He shuffled his feet before he murmured, "Remember? You wanted to teach me how to play this game."

Dean quirked his brow before he straightened his posture. He held his cue out for Cas to take. “You still want me to?”

Cas took it and gave him a soft nod. "It might be a good opportunity to spend time together... to fix things."

Dean flashed him a small smile. “Might not be a bad idea.” He moved to grab a triangle shaped object before he started arranging the balls in it. “How much do you know?”

"I know the balls need to get into the holes, and the stick here is what you use to do it," Cas summarized his knowledge.

That was met with a bark of laughter as Dean lined up the white ball and approached Cas. “Alright, lemme see you break.”

Cas tried to mimic what he had seen Dean do. He hunched over and positioned the stick in front of the white ball. "Like this?"

Dean shook his head and moved slightly behind Cas, gently guiding him into position. “You wanna stay in control, so you need a strong stance.”

Cas looked over his shoulder, the heat rising throughout his body at feeling Dean so close. It was hard to concentrate. He nodded before he aimed and shot the white ball into the accumulation of colored ones. They all broke away into a formation of chain reactions. A solid colored one vanished into a hole.

He stood upright, Dean's chest against his back. "Was that okay?" he asked, feeling a little breathless.

“Yeah,” Dean breathed out, supremely close, the heat of his breath caressing the nape of Cas’s neck. “You’re still up.”

Cas felt the hair on his neck rise, a delicious shiver running down his spine. He gave Dean a searching look over his shoulder, wondering if Dean recognized the heat in his gaze. "What ball should I aim for?" 

Instead of answering, Dean quickly turned Cas in his embrace and tossed the cue to the side. It was the briefest of moments before he cupped his face and kissed him. A frantic, almost needy movement.

Cas gasped. Dean took advantage of the minute opportunity to dive deeper, the feel of Dean's tongue slipping into his mouth as dizzying as it was erotic. His mind tried to catch up with what was happening, but all he could do was feel in that moment. Feel the heat of Dean's body, the pressure of the pool table against his backside, the skillful tongue that explored his mouth, and the almost dizzying feeling of the simple fact that Dean was kissing him.

Somewhere between not long enough and eternity, Dean drew back with a breath catching gasp as he braced his forehead against Cas’s. “Damn, Cas.”

Dean had his palm over Cas's neck, holding him in place, and all Cas could do was try to breathe, try to get his mind to function. "Dean," he breathed out, his eyes closed. "Please." He had no idea what he was pleading for. Another kiss? More closeness? Reassurance that everything would be okay? He hoped Dean knew the answer.

Dean nudged his nose against Cas’s cheek before his lips gently slid over Cas’s again.

The kiss was different from before. The frantic need was gone, but the tension was still so high it made his heart ache. There was an underlying desperation for closeness, but this was more of a gentle exploration, learning a new side of each other. Cas learned Dean's taste (something light, like a frozen lake in a pine forest), the feel of his stubble against his skin, his breath on his lips. He could hear a soft sigh falling from Dean's lips as his calloused thumb ran over his neck. 

Cas shuddered. He had no idea being physical with someone he loved could feel this way. They exchanged a few soft, lingering kisses before Cas drew back, finally brave enough to look at Dean. "I didn't imagine this would feel so good," he murmured breathlessly.

Dean chuckled, a kind sound. “What did you imagine?”

"I don't know. It’s nothing like the last time I was kissed. I'm starting to understand why there are so many references in movies and books about love," Cas replied softly, reaching his hand out to touch Dean's freckled skin. He rubbed his thumb over his cheek. "This is nice."

Dean nodded, a small smile on his face. “Yeah, actually.”

"Are you surprised?"

“Yeah,” Dean said with a minute shrug, “this is all new to me.”

Cas bit his lower lip, his heart racing. He needed to say something, something that would hopefully give him the reassurance he needed. "We can take this slow."

“Weird thing to say when you used the end of the world line on me,” he said with a small smirk.

Cas chuckled and nodded. "You're right... For a moment I forgot about that. You made my mind very empty when you kissed me." He didn't know how to describe it better than that, but hopefully Dean understood what he meant.

Dean cupped Cas’s cheek and licked his own lips as he blatantly stared at Cas’s. “Let’s save the world first.”

"It will be hard to not kiss you now that I know how it feels." He lowered his voice, "I hope Rowena finds Amara quickly."

Dean chuckled. “You can kiss me whenever you want.”

"I can?" Cas asked hopefully. This was already so much more than he had dreamed of.

“Well, I mean, if we’re fighting zombies, that might not be the _ best _ time, but yeah.”

"I'm able to multitask," Cas replied dryly.

Dean barked out a laugh. “I bet you are,” he murmured as he pressed a kiss to Cas’s lips.

Cas hummed and wrapped his arms around him to pull him closer before he carefully deepened the kiss. He loved the feeling in his heart, the sparks of excitement running through his body. It was intoxicating.

When Dean groaned, he could feel the reverberations through his entire being.

Cas slid his hand over Dean's throat and then slowly over the broad expanse of his chest. He bit Dean's lower lip with a soft groan, wishing he could be close like this forever. He hated that they probably only had minutes left before they would get interrupted.

Dean drew back, breathing slightly ragged. “We’re probably gonna get interrupted.”

"Probably," Cas breathed out. "I just want to make the most out of the time we've got."

Dean smiled and leaned in for another kiss.

Cas used the moment to push Dean towards the couch, continuing to trade soft kisses. Before he could push Dean to sit down, he heard footsteps. He drew away from Dean with a sigh. "I guess our time is up." 

Dean yanked him forward by the tie. “One more for good luck?”

Cas felt a little giddy and answered with a passionate kiss, one that left him dizzy. He stared at Dean’s beautiful green eyes, finally without feeling guilty about it, when Sam cleared his throat from the doorway. “Guys? Would you come to the library?”

Dean held his hand out, index finger extended to his brother. “Give us two minutes.”

Sam raised an eyebrow at Dean, but after a moment of hesitation, he must have seen something in Dean's eyes that made him leave.

"Why did you ask for two more minutes?" Cas asked when Sam was gone.

Instead of answering, he leaned in and pressed another kiss to Cas’s lips. “That’s why,” he murmured.

Cas smiled brightly against Dean's lips before he reciprocated. "Kissing you is very addictive."

Dean grinned. “I’m kinda kicking myself for not tryin’ this sooner.”

"So, this isn't weird for you?" Cas asked carefully.

“Yes and no,” he answered honestly, “no, ‘cause I… even if I didn’t wanna face it, I’ve, uh… I’ve been into you for a while, but yes because, well… I never really thought I’d grow a pair, I guess.”

Cas couldn't believe everyone had been right about Dean. "I'm glad you decided to give us a chance." And then the other part of what Dean had said sunk in. "You’ve thought about me like this for a while?"

Dean actually blushed as he ducked Cas’s gaze. “Maybe…”

"Even Inias told me you probably have feelings for me. Am I the only one that had been completely blind to that revelation?" Cas shook his head before he asked, "Were you jealous when Inias held my hand in the hotel room?"

Dean chuckled and nodded. “You have no idea.”

Cas couldn't help the grin. It was a nice feeling knowing that Dean liked him enough to feel possessive about him. "I'm sorry… Inias just wanted to help me."

Dean smirked at him. “If he didn’t bug the hell out of me, I’d probably really like him.”

"Why does he bug you?" Cas asked thoughtfully, because he couldn't imagine how someone could _ not _ like Inias. He was the kindest angel he knew.

“Just dumb jealousy,” he said as he looked at the doorway. “We should probably see what they want.”

Cas slid his hand over Dean's arm before he started walking with him to the doorway. "There is no need for you to be jealous, Dean. Inias is my brother."

In that moment Dean’s expression turned thoughtful. “Huh. Never thought about it like that.”

Cas smiled at him. "I hope that will ease your worries. But I want you to know... that I am yours." 

Dean gave him a small smile. “Come on, before they think we’re fucking.”

For a moment Cas forgot how to breathe. When he remembered, it came out in a gasp, and he quickly looked away from Dean. He tried not to think of sexual intercourse with Dean, but sometimes it was... hard.

Dean gently clasped Cas’s chin to bring his gaze back to him. He gave him a knowing smile. “Let’s go.”

Cas hated how nervous this was making him. But even though he had had sex before, it wasn't the same as it would be with Dean. He loved Dean, and with those feelings came a lot of other emotions attached to it. Most of all the worry that he might disappoint Dean, or wouldn’t be enough.

They walked to the library where everyone was waiting for them. Rowena smirked and gave Cas a look like she knew they had kissed. Inias gave him a thumbs up. How did they all know? He cleared his throat. “Have you been successful in finding Amara?”

Sam sighed. “Rowena was able to find that she’s on this plane, but that’s it.”

That was disappointing. It was good to know that she was still here, but it was like trying to find a piece of hay in a pile of needles. He exchanged a look with Dean. "It looks like we’ll have to find her with hunter methods."

Dean nodded. “I’ll tap the network, and we’ll activate anyone who’s still alive.”

“I’ll call Donna,” Sam said.

Cas waved Balthazar and Inias towards him. “You two go out and fly over cities with casinos. She seems to be fond of them. Jack and I will take the south and you take the north. We’ll meet here again by the end of the day.”

“Maybe the angel-doves should take foreign countries?” Dean said with a sly wink in Cas’s direction. “Leave the states to the hunter network?”

Cas didn't give Dean the satisfaction of reacting to the bird comparison. He hoped by ignoring them Dean would eventually grow bored with them. Although, a part of him wanted to smack Dean upside the head with his wing. He just nodded his consent. "We'll take Europe and Africa. You take Asia and Australia."

“And we’ll cover the states. Cas, does your crew all have cell phones?” Sam asked.

Balthazar held up his, and Inias tilted his head in confusion. Cas grinned. "We're covered, and you can always pray to us. Prayer covers a much wider area."

Cas looked over at Dean, nodding to him. "See you later. Good luck."

Dean gently clasped Cas’s shoulder and gave him a sweet smile. “Come back to us, okay?”

“Of course, Dean,” Cas replied with a shy smile. He actually couldn’t wait. He spread his wings and looked over to Jack, giving him a signal to follow him. “We’ll start in Norway. And work our way down.”

Before Jack could answer, Dean pressed a kiss to Cas’s cheek and whispered, “No knee jerk decisions that’ll get you hurt, you get me?”

Cas's heart jumped in his chest. The fact that Dean had just kissed him in front of everybody… He gave him another smile, despite feeling a little annoyed by Dean's insinuation. "I promise I'll return to you."

“I’ll hold you to that.”

Cas touched Dean's cheek with his hand for a moment. Just a gentle, featherlight touch to feel Dean under his fingertips. A smile ghosted over his lips, simply because he was now allowed to do that. He could feel warmth spreading throughout his entire being, up to the tips of his wings. They shared one final look before his wings carried him away. 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

Dean had shouldered his duffel bag and made his way to the Impala. Sammy was standing there waiting. “What’d Donna say?”

"She and Jody are organizing hunters and looking into anything suspicious." Sam cleared his throat before he gave him an expectant look and a cocky grin. "So..."

He wasn’t stupid. Dean knew exactly what his brother was hinting at. That didn’t mean he was going to give him the satisfaction. “So, what?” he asked as he threw his duffel into the backseat. 

"Dude! You kissed Cas!" Sam sounded way too cheerful about it.

Dean rolled his eyes. “Well, he used the last night on earth line on me,” he said as he slipped behind Baby’s wheel.

Sam gave him his patented bitch face. "So, you just had sex, or is it more?"

“More,” Dean said, pointedly ignoring the first half of the question. “Dude, we’ve got a world to try and save; let’s cut the gab-fest.”

"I knew it." Sam chuckled under his breath. "Only took you five apocalypses to get there."

Dean let out a soft chuckle and shook his head. “Whatever. I’m still trying to process, so let’s just focus on finding Amara.”

Sam lifted his hands up and grinned. "Alright, alright. I'm just saying I'm happy for you. That's all."

“Should’ve known you were a Destiel shipper,” he grumbled as he looked right before pulling left out onto the main road.

Sam snorted. "I can't believe you still remember what that was called."

Dean rolled his eyes. “Whatever.”

"How long?" Sam asked after a moment. 

“Didn’t we just agree to drop this? Make yourself useful and look up the nearest casino.” Dean had just come to accept and embrace his feelings within the last hour. While he didn’t regret anything, not even close, he still hadn’t wrapped his head around it.

Sam rolled his eyes and pulled out his phone to do some research. "You're not freaking out over this, right?" Sam asked quietly, still scrolling through his phone.

Dean scoffed. “You know damn well I am, but life very likely will end in the next few days, maybe sooner. We don’t got the kind of time for me to expel any energy on denial.”

Sam hummed thoughtfully. "I don't know if it helps, but... it's okay to want something good in your life. And I know you might think you don't deserve it, or it will only end badly, but the happiness that’ll come with it... it's worth everything."

Dean sighed as he pulled onto the highway. He knew his brother spoke from experience. All too often by Dean’s count. “It’s new, it’s a little scary, and the world’s about to end. Optimism seems pretty damn foolish considering our luck.”

Sam laughed and nodded. “No matter what you say, I saw your sappy, happy look before you kissed Cas. We need to follow the road for another sixty miles.”

“You’re the sap. What was the name of the place, again?”

“You’re the sap,” Sam returned. “The name i–” Sam’s phone rang with a picture of Eileen flashing on it. Sam gasped and looked up at Dean with a shocked expression before he answered it. Dean could hear the tremble in Sam’s voice. “H–hello?”

There was some weird crackling and static at first. Dean pulled over, because there was no way he was going to be able to concentrate on driving. Just as he came to a slow roll, Eileen’s voice broke through before a faint image of her appeared on the iPad.

“Sam? Dean? Can you hear me?”

“Eileen!” Sam gasped out. “I–it’s really you. Where are you?”

Dean shook his head, he’d seen a lot of shit in his lifetime, but a ghost using a friggin’ smart device was a new one. At least, he was pretty sure she was a ghost.

“I am…” Eileen faded out, like a bad connection, her image flickering on the screen. “At a library… the one near the bunker.” With that, her image faded away and the FaceTime call ended.

Dean’s eyebrows shot up as he looked at his brother. “Detour?”

Sam gave him a wide eyed look, his eyes haunted by the short conversation. They had never talked about her death, but Dean already knew this was gonna hurt. “Yeah,” Sam breathed out. “Yes, let’s go.”

**…. :::: :::: ….**

They took a break in Rome, and Cas bought Jack an ice cream cone at the Piazza Navonna, something blue with colorful sprinkles and chocolate. He squinted his eyes at the sun, enjoying the light breeze in his hair. Doves cooed around them, and people were chattering, living their busy lives, not even remotely aware of the imminent apocalypse. 

He knew the angel garrison for Europe already brought them success stories of defeating and smiting huge hordes of monsters. For the moment, everything seemed calm. Maybe the calm before the storm.

But nothing on his mind was as prominent as the hope he was feeling. The happiness about the start of his intimate relationship with Dean. He smiled as he watched Jack eating his ice cream. It felt like one of those perfect moments.

And then it stopped.

From one second to the next he was no longer in Rome. He was surrounded by Darkness. By nothing. By the Empty.

He turned around in shock, greeted by his own face, a persiflage of his own person.

The Empty grinned. “Hello, Castiel.”


	7. Whole Lotta Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Frankie here: You're getting another early post because this time, I'm going out tonight! We love you and love your comments guys. Seriously, lolol. <3<3<3

#    
**Whole Lotta Love**

# 

Sam practically stumbled out of the car the moment Dean stopped in front of the library. Everything was closed because it was already late. The streetlamps were flickering ominously. 

He couldn't believe Eileen was back. A part of him didn’t want to think about the fact that she was a ghost. He knew what that meant. They had already experienced the slow and painful heartbreak that came with loving someone who had ended up as a ghost.

“Eileen?” he whispered, looking around the parking lot before he walked closer to the library. He had no idea if Eileen could hear him as a ghost, or if she even knew that he was here.

He tried to feel for cold spots, when a sudden breeze caused his hair to raise and the image of the former hunter, his friend, appeared in front of him.

Her ghost carried the wounds of a hellhound, but otherwise she looked almost normal. Even the little smile. His eyes stung as he stepped closer to her. Sam wanted nothing more than to hug her, but he knew that wasn’t possible. “Hey,” he greeted softly, waving his hand at her.

“Hi, Sam,” she greeted, signing the Name Sign she’d given him.

That answered one of his questions. “How… how are you?”

“I’ve had better days,” she joked, signing as she spoke, “but then, I’ve had worse too.”

_ Fuck,  _ he had no idea what to do. He rubbed his hand over his stinging eyes. “I – is there anything I can do?”

Eileen’s visage flickered momentarily as Sam heard his brother huffing and puffing as he finally caught up with him. 

He decided to focus on Eileen. She shook her head as she managed to stay a little more present. “Maybe you boys can explain what’s going on? I passed Jeffrey Dahmer on my way here.”

It wasn't difficult to rein in his inner fanboy, because Eileen was all he had on his mind. "It's, um, the end of the world. Chuck, um God, has raised every ghost and creature from Hell to destroy Earth."

She shook her head, a brief flicker obscuring her for a moment. “That explains it.”

"We're trying to save the world." He gave her a weak smile. "We have a lot of help this time, so it might work."

Eileen nodded. “That’s good. There’s so many of us, so many.”

"Did they attack you?" Sam asked, stepping closer. His hands reached out before he could stop himself. They slid right through her hands.

The expression on Eileen’s face was just as sad as Sam felt. “Just one, but don’t worry about that.”

Dean finally interjected, “I don’t get why you’re a ghost at all.”

Eileen looked like she had only gotten a part of Dean's sentence, so Sam added, "Your body was burned, so you shouldn’t have come back as a ghost."

“All the spirits in Hell have been released,” she replied, voice cracking with her flickering visage.

Sam shot Dean a worried look. “How do we take out ghosts if they aren’t tethered to something?” The guilt was instant the moment he said it. Eileen was a ghost too. And he didn’t want to fucking lose her again. Even though he knew he wouldn’t have a choice in the matter.

Before Dean could answer, Eileen said, “Ghosts can hurt other ghosts.”

Sam raised an eyebrow. "You can? Isn't that... dangerous for you?"

Eileen furrowed her brow at Sam. “I’m a hunter.”

"Yes, of course." Sam sighed and shook his head. "I... I'm just worried about you... I never thought I'd see you again."

That was met with a small smile. “Neither did I.”

“I’ve missed you,” Sam whispered before he bit his lower lip, trying to control his emotions. He didn’t care that his brother was standing right next to him. He just needed Eileen to know. He needed to say things… use the time they had together. This time he wouldn’t hold back until it was too late.

In fact, Dean seemed to get it, when he mumbled something about leaving Baby running before he disappeared, leaving them alone.

Eileen drew a little closer. “I missed you too.”

Sam reached out and let his hand hover over her hair. "Maybe we… Maybe we can ask Cas or Jack if they can do anything. They’re both angels. Maybe they can bring you back."

“Sam… you know that’s not possible.”

"We don't know that! Dean got Castiel back, and it seemed impossible. He gets him back all the time. Just for once I want... I  _ need _ you to come back." It was the first time Sam had said those words out loud. Words born out of frustration and loss. Even envy. But standing here right in front of her, seeing all that could have been if she was still alive… the anger he felt was palpable. It was unfair. It wasn't right.

Eileen’s hand reached out to his cheek; there was no warmth of a soft palm, just a cold sensation. “If I could, I would come back.”

“There’s so much I wanted to tell you. The last time we spoke… I actually wanted to ask you out on a date.”

Eileen let out a sad sounding laugh. “I would’ve said yes.”

Sam couldn’t stop the tear from falling. “Damn it. This is just so unfair.” 

In that moment Jack appeared right behind Eileen. “Sam!” He looked frantic, terrified.

“Jack!” He stepped next to Eileen on instinct, hoping Jack wouldn’t perceive her as a threat. “What happened?”

“Cas is gone!”

Sam frowned and looked over at the Impala, waving for Dean to come back. “What do you mean?”

Jack appeared frantic as he repeated, “He’s gone!”

**…. :::: :::: ….**

It wasn’t that Eileen assumed she’d end up in Hell, she just wasn’t surprised she did. Now whether or not that would have been the case if she hadn’t been killed and dragged down by a Hellhound, she couldn’t be certain. And that was a dirty trick, siccing an invisible beast on a deaf woman. The joke was on them though, seeing as her deafness meant she had much sharper situational awareness. Eileen had felt the creature approach, not that it would have saved her. 

The only regret she had was that she never asked out Sam Winchester. 

Hell was… Hell. It lived up to its name and reputation, but even after years upon years of torture, she never joined the ranks of the demons. In fact, she had made peace with living out eternity as a living, breathing voodoo doll. Well, maybe not living. 

Then the lid was blown off of Hell, almost literally. The blast created mass chaos as every single creature, spirit, and demon escaped through the now gaping hole that led to Earth. Eileen pushed through the unending hordes of Hell’s population and found her way to the surface. 

Despite the newfound freedom, as they all emerged onto the grounds of a large cemetery, at a loss for human life, they started turning on each other. When Eileen was sideswiped by some nasty little spirit, that tackled her to the hallowed ground. Even in death, her hunter instincts kicked in and she started fighting it off. 

Eileen was surprised that her fist made contact with it. Maybe whatever opened the gates of Hell wiped out all of the laws the occult hunters had spent decades trying to comprehend. She ripped the tattered sleeve from her jacket and used it to strangle the spirit. There was no life to choke out of it, and somehow, the discorporeal body collapsed to the ground before burning to ghostly ash and sinking into the grass.

Despite a lack of perspiration, no sweat glands, Eileen wiped her brow with her forearm and looked around. The angry spirits, the pissed off demons, and whatever else crawled out had started to disperse. Whatever was going on, it was bad news, and her first instinct was to find Sam. To warn Sam.

With a lack of a tether, Eileen found she had free range of movement. Another bad thing. There were far more ghosts like the lunatic that attacked her. A good majority of them. Eileen made her way to a road; that was when she realized she was in Lebanon. Which made sense, of course the dead center of the United States was a gateway to Hell.

There were several ghosts, mostly just meandering along the roads, seemingly lost. It was a sea of pale greys and whites, shifting in stuttered jerks. None of the flowy nonsense from a lot of cheesy horror movies. Eileen’s shoulder was bumped, she was pretty sure his ghostly cracked lips murmured an apology as he slid around her.

As she looked up, Eileen would have lost her breath, could she actually breathe. Jeffrey Dahmer was strolling down the road like it was the most normal thing in the world. In fact, the ghost of Jeffrey Dahmer apologized to her. The desire to follow him, interview him, study him… was overwhelming. But she had a mission. She needed to find Sam.

When a car going in the direction of the small town near the bunker passed by, Eileen decided to test her newly discovered ghost powers, and managed to grasp the bumper. In a flash she was yanked forward at an easy seventy miles an hour. As the car started drawing to a stop, she panicked. 

It was the middle of the night, the chance of another car taking a trip down a basically abandoned road was slim to none. Eileen remembered a ghost she took out that had possessed a car. Maybe… maybe she could become  _ Christine. _

She didn’t know how to possess something, but when she moved her hand into the trunk, she focused. Eileen slowly started sinking into the framework of the Honda Civic and could physically feel the rumble of the engine in her essence. When she opened her eyes again, a bright white light shone onto the grey, dilapidated pavement.

It worked.

Eileen then forced the poor people in the car to take her where she needed to go. Thankfully it was only a twenty minute drive of pounding fists against her ribcage. She’d suffered worse in Hell. When she pulled them into the parking lot of the library, she shut herself off and escaped through the exhaust pipe. 

The car peeled out and flew out of the parking lot. Not that she cared. In under five minutes, she made her way into the library and found the strength to open a laptop, log on, and get ahold of Sam. When he answered, Eileen was grateful she didn’t have the capacity to cry. She had truly missed that face.

In a whirlwind of time, punctuated by a strange ache in her heart, she was suddenly in the presence of Sam Winchester again. If she could cry, she probably would have when he confessed he wanted to ask her out. Even more so when he said he wanted to bring her back. Honestly, even if it was for just a day, like in that stupid movie  _ Casper,  _ it would be worth it. 

And then they were interrupted by a young man, who looked like Leonardo DiCaprio’s illegitimate offspring. Likely an angel. She didn’t sense anything demonic, and he clearly had the ability to appear out of nowhere. She was only catching bits and pieces of what they were discussing, but it was when Dean appeared that she finally understood what was happening.

Castiel was missing.

**…. :::: :::: ….**

Sam felt horrible. Just moments ago he had thought how unfair it was that Dean always got Cas back, and now Cas was gone. He still didn’t know what happened. Jack was incredibly confused about it, and he seemed… agitated. 

When Jack uttered his next words in apparent distress, Sam understood why. “He can’t be gone. I need him. He needs to tell me what is right and wrong. He  _ promised _ me.”

Sam sighed and lifted his hands, trying to calm Jack down. “Jack, listen. We’ll find Cas, alright? And as long as he isn’t here, I will help you. Just like he did. You trust me, right?”

Jack looked up in surprise. “Of course.”

“So what happened exactly? What do you remember?” Sam asked as Dean joined them finally, looking confused and worried at the same time.

“We were in Rome, and Cas bought me an ice cream cone, and when I turned around to ask him something, he was gone.” Jack’s eyes went wide. “I went to Heaven, but he isn’t there. No one knows where he is.”

There was a beat of silence before Dean slammed his fist against the Impala’s hood. He never took his anger out on Baby. Well, mostly never. “I think I know where he is,” Dean said, voice surprisingly calm considering he just punched a car.

“Where?” Jack asked, sounding worried. 

Dean sighed as he rifled an agitated hand through his hair. “He made a deal with the goddamn Empty entity thing.”

Jack froze before he swallowed visibly. "I... I know. He did it because of me. But... the Empty said it was going to take him when he is happy."

Dean gave them a pointed look. “I don’t know about Cas, but I was feeling pretty damn happy since… since we took things in a new direction.”

Jack frowned before he nodded slowly. "Now that you’ve said it, he looked very happy... He was smiling when he bought me the ice cream."

“Son of a bitch!” Dean looked at Jack. “Can you bring him back?”

"I…" Jack appeared to concentrate before his expression turned insecure. "I don't know how."

“Fuck,” Dean grumbled as he ran his hand through his hair. He was barely keeping it together.

“Maybe we should head back? Talk to Gabriel?” Sam suggested before his eyes returned to Eileen, like a magnet. “You should come with us.”

Eileen nodded, flashing him a small smile. “Okay,” she said as she signed the word for yes.

Jack tilted his head and gave Eileen a curious look. "You're a ghost."

Sam hated that for a moment he was afraid Jack would do something to Eileen. "She’s our friend, Jack. A hunter like us." He stepped closer to the young nephilim. “Do you think… can you bring her back?”

Jack looked to the ground. "I've never done it before. I don't think I can, Sam. I'm sorry."

“It’s okay. I just want to help as long as I can.” Eileen reached out for Sam, and retracted her hand as though she just remembered she couldn’t.

Jack frowned at them both. "You will turn into an evil spirit over time."

"Jack!" Sam interjected. Of course he knew how ghosts worked, that didn’t mean Jack needed to blatantly point it out.

Eileen chuckled. “Well, then you should take my help while I can still give it.”

Sam nodded and gave Eileen an encouraging smile. They were all going back to the Impala and Sam felt worried about his brother. He looked like he was barely holding it together. "You want me to drive?" he asked quietly.

Without even the slightest protest, Dean handed Sam the keys. “Yeah,” he mumbled as he got into the backseat. Something else Dean never did.

Jack got into the backseat too, leaving the space next to him for Eileen. “Will you be okay in here?” he asked quietly., "My personal experience with being a ghost didn't include any kind of traveling. Long story." not knowing how being a ghost really worked. 

Eileen smiled. “I’m getting better at controlling what I can do. I’ll tell you how I got out here later.”

"Alright," Sam replied with a soft smile. In his mind he tried to repress the question of how much "later" they would have together.

Driving back was a good distraction, but every time his eyes landed on his brother in the rearview mirror, it reminded him how much bad luck they both had in the relationship department. And although he felt envious of Dean before, he really hoped they got Cas back. At least one of them deserved a shot at happiness.

He looked over at Eileen, trying to be grateful to spend a little more time with her. Even if it was just to say goodbye.

Eileen flashed him a sad smile, as though she was thinking the exact same thing. 


	8. The Boys are Back in Town

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another early update because, you guessed it, Frankie is a sleepy llama. Also, we hope this chapter makes up for the kinda sad note the last two left on. <3<3

#    
**The Boys are Back in Town**

# 

Dean had pulled out the emergency death kit he kept hidden behind a stack of Busty Asians and Playboys magazines. He knew his brother would never go near his collection. Dude was weird about porn.

It was his plan B, if Rowena’s plan to summon the Empty failed. It was risky, it was stupid, and while it was taking away from the whole needing to find Amara thing… Dean was going to be goddamn selfish, just for once. Even if he only got Cas back for ten minutes, it would be worth it.

After slipping the syringes into his back pocket, he made his way back to the library. Rowena was hovered over the Book of the Damned, brow furrowed in concentration. “What’s up?” he asked as he looked over her shoulder at the book.

Not that he could read the damn thing.

Rowena sighed, tucking her hair behind her ear. “I don’t think I can summon a cosmic being. If summoning a cosmic entity was easy, it would solve our little apocalypse situation, and I can’t imagine Chuck would make it so easy.”

“You didn’t have to live through _ Bugs_. I can personally vouch for his bad writing, so it’s worth a shot to look, Rowena.” Dean sighed and moved to lean against the table.

That was met with an arched brow and an exacerbated hair flip as she returned her attention to the Book. Dean grabbed one of his guns and the gun cleaning kit he kept on one of the shelves in the library.

Dean needed something calm, something familiar, his go to distraction that wasn’t booze or loose women. Booze was a no-go; especially not if he needed to pull something stupid, like temporary death… again. And loose women? He might have lost Cas, but wasn’t about to pull a Ross, “in a break,” bullshit. Cas deserved better than that. 

After double checking the case that held the syringes was closed, Dean sank into a chair to the left of Rowena to get his other baby, his Colt 1911, ready for one final fight. He removed the slide from the frame, the loud click music to his ears. Dean kept his gaze hyper focused, desperately trying not to think as he removed the barrel from the slide. Grabbing the new brush he’d bought after old faithful number eleven wore out, he prepped it to slide it down the bore. Unfortunately, Dean cleaned all of their guns so often, he knew it wouldn’t take him more than ten minutes to remove all the built up carbon. 

Eleven minutes and forty two seconds later, and yes Dean was counting, he was lubing Baby II and reassembling her. After a drawn out functions check, Baby II was ready to rock.

When he looked up, Rowena was staring at him.

“What?” Dean barked, brow furrowed. 

Rowena smirked at him. “I always knew you were an exhibitionist.”

Dean rolled his eyes as he lazily turned the gun to her shoulder. “Jealous?” 

That was met with a sharp bark of laughter, genuine mirth in the witch’s eyes as she almost doubled over. She might have if she wasn’t in a skin tight black leather dress. The laugh was abruptly cut off by a soft gasp. Rowena had picked up the Book, carefully reading it over.

Without missing a beat, Dean jumped up and moved to stare over her shoulder. “Did you find something?”

Rowena nodded. “I… I have. We can summon one cosmic entity once in an eternity. Just once, and a sacrifice of a human soul, a human life… must be made.”

Out of nowhere his brother appeared. “I only caught ‘sacrifice,’ and I know that can’t be anything good.”

“Rowena found a spell, we can summon a cosmic entity once with a human sacrifice. I’m betting we can use this to summon the asswipe that angel-napped my b… Cas.” Fuck, that slip came way too easily.

Sam and Rowena shared a look, so Dean braced himself for the onslaught of reasoning.

Sam went first. “Putting the human sacrifice part to the side for a moment, I… I hate to say it, but…”

After a minute of Sam making unintelligible sounds as he attempted to find his words, Rowena let out an annoyed huff and said, “Don’t you think we should use this one chance to summon Amara? You know, save the bloody world?”

Dean hated how much sense that made. Hated how desperately he wanted to argue, to try and justify summoning a cranky being that made good on the deal Cas had made with him. Over summoning their one actual shot at saving the world. He knew how goddamn selfish it was, but goddamn if he didn’t wish he could be selfish for once. 

It would have been nice. Getting Cas back. Getting a shot at something new, and exciting, and thrilling in a way Dean hadn’t felt in a long damn time. It was over. It was done. Cas was gone and they had such a small shot to take. Dean sighed and pulled out the syringes.

“Should be me summoning her then,” he said as he handed Sammy the needles.

Sam shook his head and dropped the case to the ground. “No, dude, not ag–”

“For fuck’s sake! Stop it.” Rowena glared daggers at both of them. “The world is ending, we don’t have time for your toxically masculine pissing contests, not to mention your severe codependency.” She picked up the case and opened it. “If you won’t do what needs to be done, I will.” Rowena pulled out one of the syringes and approached Dean. “Pop open your shirt.”

Dean swallowed dryly, but didn’t hesitate, stepping closer as he unbuttoned the shirt. He removed it, draped it over the back of the chair and made pointed eye contact with Sam, who was visibly fuming. Dean pulled his t-shirt off and faced Rowena. “Okay.”

She leaned over to start reading from the Book of the Damned, when the sound of an unfamiliar throat clearing caused all three of them to turn to the library entrance.

Billie was leaning against the doorway, shaking her head as she clicked her tongue. “Not so fast, Winchester.” 

**…. :::: :::: ….**

Cas should have known he wasn’t that lucky. He had naively hoped the Empty wouldn’t pick up on his happiness, but obviously that wasn’t the case. 

He honestly did not suspect it would happen so quickly. He had hoped to possibly negotiate the terms, not that the Empty was exactly mentally stable, or able to discuss something logically. It was a storm of emotions. And it was pissed off.

It had raged at him for hours for not being able to sleep since Cas had the audacity to wake it up. Cas suggested yoga. He had read somewhere it was relaxing for humans. The Empty wasn’t amused. 

Patience was not exactly Cas’s forte, but he had built up a tolerance against annoying people. Mostly Dean, who could be infuriating when he wanted to be.

He missed him. 

And he dearly hoped Dean wasn’t planning something stupid to get him back. Cas rolled his eyes at his own thoughts. Of course he was. This was Dean he was talking about. He probably already had ten things planned where he would sacrifice his own life to save Cas._ Idiot. _ Infuriating human.

He needed to get out of here.

“I have a few questions,” Cas stated, interrupting the word vomit of his counterpart.

“Why would I answer any question? Hmm?” The Empty was in his face. It had probably never heard of personal space.

“Because you’re obviously bored. So why don’t you humor me?”

The Empty squinted its eyes at him. “Go on.”

“You told me that angels and demons come here when they die, that not even God has any pull on this plane.”

“Yes?” The Empty sneered. “Why, do you ask?”

“I was resurrected a few times. Probably by God. How does that work when you claim he doesn’t have power over the Empty?”

“It’s called a continuity error,” The Empty growled.

Cas frowned at it. “What do you mean?”

“It mea-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-ans,” The Empty breathed out, walking in circles around him. “That G. O. D. came by to get you, even though we have a contract. And he threatened to wake me up every day if I didn’t make an exception for you.”

“Why?”

“Because you were his favorite plaything, and he wanted to keep you on the board.” The Empty snorted before it tapped his shoulder. “Guess you’re not his favorite anymore.”

“He is not exactly my favorite either,” Cas growled. 

“Ugh, you’re almost as bad as the other one. Always whining,” The Empty complained dramatically.

Cas didn’t react to the obvious taunt. “So, am I right about you being angry with God for disregarding the rules, your contract?”

The Empty tapped the tip of his nose. “I know what you’re doing. You’re trying to get me to let you out again. That’s not going to happen. You belong here. You belonged here the moment you died that first time. This time you will stay. You’re mine.” The Empty stepped closer. “I know what’s going on in your head. You want to go back to your human and the child.”

Cas didn’t answer, not that the Empty had finished yet. 

“You’re pathetic, you know that? That’s why God lost interest in you. You had potential, but then you had to ruin it all by turning so weak and pathetic. The lap dog to those humans. Too weak to do anything.” The Empty scoffed and turned around. “Because of you, the Empty was full of sleeping angels. Everyone you killed ended up here. So many dreams to eat. Now I only have one left, and guess what? He’s awake and he’s not… very… entertaining. He whines and complains like a spoiled brat. Well, I guess he is, since he is one of God’s oldest, little creations.”

_ Lucifer. _ Cas froze. How could he have forgotten that Lucifer was still here. “Why is he awake?”

The Empty shrugged. “Because God destroyed the canon, and he doesn’t care about the rules anymore. He thinks you people are too stupid anyway. Too busy with your own little problems to notice that he changes everything as it pleases him. Free will… it’s an illusion. You’re all his little puppets, and you can only be free when that guy is gone.”

The Empty chuckled. “Well, except you. You belong to me now.”

Cas rubbed his fingers over his forehead. “I have a counter proposal.”

The Empty rolled its eyes. “You’re starting to get boring. And if I’m bored, I can just throw you so deep into the Empty, that you will need years to crawl back.”

Cas squinted his eyes at the Empty. “How is that a threat? You really didn’t think that through, did you?”

“You will be all alone, surrounded by nothing!” The Empty shrieked.

“You mean like it is now, only without your grating voice?” Cas asked dryly.

The Empty huffed in frustration and circled him again. “You have nothing, _ nothing _ to offer me.”

Cas smirked to himself. “What about sleep? That’s something you want, right?”

The Empty was right in his face again, tapping Cas’s forehead with its index finger, to punctuate every word. “Yes, but it’s not something you can give to me. You’re the reason I’m awake.”

Cas tried to ignore the physical assault and concentrated on their conversation. “You said God has the power to wake you up, so I assume he could also send you back to sleep?”

“Yes, but he doesn’t care. He doesn’t care about anything anymore.”

“What about Amara?”

The Empty froze. For the first time it didn’t talk, just stared at Cas, eyes eerily dead. Well, that was an interesting reaction. 

“What about her?”

“We were trying to find her to help us. If she is willing to help us, maybe she would also be willing to help you. It's worth a shot, if it means you would be able to sleep.” Because a sleeping Empty was in everyone’s best interest.

“Why would the Darkness do anything you ask of her?”

It was Cas’s time to step closer now, giving the Empty a taste of its own medicine. “You saw into my mind. You know Amara has a bond with Dean. If you choose to let me go, I’ll help you find a way to get back to sleep. You know I’m not lying. We want the same thing.”

“You just want me to let you go,” the Empty stated, crossing its arms over its chest.

“Of course I want to go, but _ that _ and helping you don’t rule each other out,” Cas explained, hoping that his honesty would help the situation. He was worried about Dean. Every second here could lead closer to him doing something stupid.

It was hard to read the expression on the Empty’s face, but it was clearly thinking about those options.

Right until the moment someone cleared her throat behind them. It was Billie.

Cas tilted his head. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m asking myself the same thing,” she sighed and stepped in front of the Empty. “I can make you fall back asleep. If you let Castiel go.”

The Empty seemed just as surprised as Cas about this new turn of events. “You can?”

Billie pulled out a scythe and grinned before she swiped the weapon through the Empty's throat. It fell down in a heap of blackness, becoming one with the surrounding darkness.

"Did you kill it?" Cas asked in shock, recognizing the weapon. He thought it had been destroyed when Dean killed Death.

“No, although this thing can kill anything…. It can’t kill nothing.” She shrugged. “Don’t try to overthink it. The Empty is back to sleep, so we can go.”

Cas grabbed Billie’s shoulder when she turned away from him. “Why are you helping me?”

“Because Dean still has a job to do. And he doesn’t function without you,” Billie reached out her hand. “So let’s get you back.”

**…. :::: :::: ….**

Dean furrowed his brow as he shook his head. “We’ve found a way to summon Amara,” he told Billie, making no effort to redress.

“By killing yourself. Again?” She retorted.

He shrugged. “If it gets us closer to the goal.” 

She shook her head and took the syringe from him before she made it vanish into thin air. "Change of plans. Since God stopped writing the books, and completely destroyed my library, I'm going to keep the story alive. There can be no Death without Life. I'm bringing your angel back, and then I will provide the soul power needed to power your spell."

Dean’s eyebrows shot up as he grabbed his t-shirt and shrugged it on. “You hate us, and I’m sure one more dead human or dead angel means nothing in the big scheme of things. So why help us? Like this, I mean.”

Billie clicked her tongue. “You’re familiar with fanfiction. Think of this as a spectator taking what a white man created and making it better.”

Dean chuckled and shook his head. “Alright. So… how do we get Cas back?”

“You sit down and don’t kill yourself. I’ll be right back.” And with that she vanished as quickly as she had appeared.

Dean turned to Rowena and Sam. “I’m not hallucinating, right?”

Sam smiled at him, patting his shoulder. "It was time for us to get a win."

In that moment, there was a flicker of movement in the corner of his eye. It was Eileen. Dean looked at Sam. “You think… she’d bring Eileen back?”

Sam looked like he was trying his hardest to not look hopeful. "I will ask her."

Dean nodded and looked to Rowena. “Thanks for being so willing to kill me,” he said with a smirk.

She raised one eyebrow with a sassy smile. "Anytime."

"Dean," Cas's familiar voice breathed out from behind him suddenly.

He flipped around, and without even thinking about it, he stormed forward and yanked Cas in for a hug. “Fuck,” he breathed out, almost disbelieving this was real.

But he could feel Cas's arms wrapping around him, tight, strong and reassuring. He could feel Cas’s stubble at his throat where he moved against his skin. “Dean,” he mumbled softly, his warm breath against Dean’s skin. “I’m sorry.”

As Dean drew back, forehead braced against Cas’s, he clutched the lapel of his trenchcoat and murmured, “You better be,” before he closed the gap between them. Who the hell knew how long either of them had, and Dean wasn’t about to pass up any opportunity to embrace a little bit of intimacy.

The way Cas kissed him back told him that his angel needed this too. When he leaned back, Cas had one hand in Dean's hair, his other one was on Dean's neck, his thumb softly rubbing over the skin. “I was worried,” he whispered roughly, his blue eyes searching Dean’s.

Dean let out a soft, slightly amazed laugh as he cupped Cas’s cheek. “Stupid, selfless angel.”

Cas responded with a puppy eye look. "I think I know you pretty well by now for my worry to be justified."

“Fine,” he said with a small smile, “and remind me to deck Sammy for teaching you that.” He tapped Cas’s bottom lip with his index finger.

Cas tilted his head slightly, looking confused. It only intensified the puppy eyes. "Teaching me what?"

Dean quirked his brow and shook his head. “Nevermind.”

Before he could dive in for another kiss, they were brought right back to reality by the sound of a throat clearing. “I’m so sorry to interrupt, but did you forget there’s a damn apocalypse happening?” Billie always seemed to be able to out-sarcasm herself.

Before anyone could say anything, though, Sam stepped in front of Billie with a pleading look. "Is... is there anything you can do for Eileen? Can you bring her back too?"

Billie looked over to Eileen with a sigh, before she shook her head. "I'm sorry, Sam. Her book is already written. Castiel is a different story because he technically can't die. He is outside my jurisdiction."

Dean really felt for his brother in that moment. It wasn’t fair that Dean and Cas always found their way back to each other, when Sammy had loved and lost so many damn times. He clapped a hand on his brother’s shoulder, not that it would be any comfort, and looked at Billie. “Alright. So what do we gotta do?”

Sam shook off his hand, looking frustrated and obviously not accepting the answer. "You're Death. Are you saying you can't help her, or you won't?"

Billie sighed and shook her head. "I won’t. You’ve been given more second chances than is appropriate. Castiel is an exception because as an angel; he’s useful."

"If you won’t help us…” Sam turned to Cas. "You brought Bobby back when he died on that field."

Cas shook his head with a solemn look. "His body was still there, and his soul hadn't moved on. You've burned Eileen's body."

Sam carded his fingers through his lion mane. "But Amara… she could."

Billie touched Sam's shoulder. "We need to find her first. I'll work with Rowena, but we'll need some time. I suggest you use it to say goodbye, Sam Winchester."

Eileen signed something to Sam, Dean stopped working on learning sign language after Eileen died. Sam didn’t.

Sam rubbed his hand over his face and nodded, his expression heartbroken as he guided her towards his room. He tried to hold her hand, but it just passed through. 

Dean looked down at Cas’s hand and took it in his. Such a simple gesture, and one Sam couldn’t even share. He gave Cas a pointed look as he squeezed his hand. 

Cas squeezed back with a soft sigh. "I'm sorry that I can't help your brother."

“I know you would if you could, Cas.” Dean nodded for Cas to follow as he guided him down the hallway that led to the bedrooms. 

"Dean… I will have to leave and talk to the other angels. Um, I need to know if they are ready with recreating the sigil and–"

Dean used his grip on Cas’s hand to pull him flush, swallowing the angel’s gasp as he captured his lips in a grounding, earth-shaking kiss.

All talk of leaving obviously forgotten, Cas growled and practically pushed him through the door of Dean's room, closing it by just waving his hand. The back of Dean's legs hit his bed as Cas breathed out, "I've missed kissing you."

“Ditto,” he murmured as he twisted his hand in Cas’s tie, holding on as he used his other hand to unbutton Cas’s shirt. Dean held his gaze. “We might not make it through this, and there’s a real chance this could be our last couple of hours together. So…” Dean pushed the now open shirt from Cas’s shoulders, eyes now drifting to a surprisingly toned torso. “This ain’t just the last night on earth line, it’s the very real last shot ever.”

Cas's voice lowered a few octaves as he grabbed Dean's t-shirt and pulled it off of him. "Then we should make it count."

Dean leaned over for a kiss as he half bent over to unlace his boots. Goddamn boots. When he managed to get them loose enough, still having barely broken contact, he yanked his jeans down and dropped himself onto the bed, trying to kick his pants and shoes the rest of the way off. 

Cas helped him with that before he undressed in front of him, his eyes never leaving Dean's. The moment his clothes were gone he slipped over Dean, drawing him into a deep kiss. One hand buried in his hair, the other sliding over his chest and down to his cock.

They were going zero to sixty in under a second, but Dean couldn’t give a damn. His jumble of emotions, affection, arousal, love, worry, insecurity… It was as dizzying as the sensation of Cas’s slightly chapped lips sliding against his own in an almost symmetric harmony.

Cas was breathing hard as he leaned back to look at him. "What do you want me to do?"

Dean grabbed Cas’s hand and pulled it to his cock, guiding Cas to wrap his fingers around it. The moan that escaped was louder than he anticipated. It might have been because Cas echoed it.

Together they stroked Dean’s cock as he yanked Cas into another kiss.

He noticed that Cas was getting better at kissing every time their lips locked, his tongue sliding over his, making his whole body tingle. Cas's hand felt rough and calloused against Dean's cock, and the strength in his fingers was exactly the friction he needed. "Dean," he moaned against his lips and Dean could feel a hot, wet patch against his hip, where Cas’s own cock pressed against him.

Dean slipped his free hand down Cas’s stomach, to his hip, before taking a firm grasp of his cock. “Fuck, Cas…” He’d never touched another guy’s dick before, it was weirdly hot. The feel of silky skin against his palm, the pulsing heat. The sounds that escaped Cas’s lips. 

Cas rocked his hips, fucking into his hand with a broken noise of unashamed lust. Dean could feel Cas's teeth scratching over his lips as he lost his rhythm for a moment, moaning, "Dean, uh, feels so good."

“Yeah…” he echoed, the fog setting in as Dean got more and more lost to pleasure, that delicious buildup. 

Cas shifted next to him, latching his lips to his shoulder as he bit him with a soft moan, groaning, "Dean, I… I'm so close."

Dean nodded and started pumping Cas faster. He was right there with him. “Love the way you say my name,” he groaned.

Cas gave him a look like he was completely broken down and lost in pleasure as he groaned out his name and came all over Dean's hand.

The heated pulses pushed Dean over his edge, diving in for a frantic kiss as he followed, coming over their joined hands around his own cock.

Cas hummed contentedly after that kiss. They were both still breathing hard and his angel smiled at him before he looked down. Dean's heart stopped when Cas lifted his hand to his own lips and carefully licked at Dean's come.

“Fuck,” Dean groaned out, “that’s fucking hot.”

Their eyes met and the corner of Cas's lips twitched upwards before he flattened his tongue against his hand and licked off Dean's come.

Dean yanked Cas forward into a filthy kiss, the bitterness of his own taste softened by the sweetness of Cas’s lips.

Cas wrapped his arm around his neck before he slid over him, their bodies flush against each other now. He could feel their cocks touching as Cas deepened the kiss. "I don't want us to leave this bed," he growled, softly biting Dean's upper lip.

Dean chuckled. “Fuck the world,” he murmured as his hands slid down Cas’s sides, resting at insanely sharp hipbones. Dean couldn’t wait to leave a hickey there.

Cas kissed along his throat, leaving soft bites in his trail. "Do you think they will even notice if we stay in here?"

“Pretty sure they might question it,” Dean groaned, amazed at how quickly McClane was starting to wake up again. He let out a soft gasp and gave Cas a cocky smirk. “You usin’ your grace to get me hard again?”

"You can't prove anything," Cas replied smoothly, softly rocking his own hard cock against Dean's.

That was a pretty damn nice perk. Dean groaned as he braced his hand at the base of Cas’s neck to yank him into another hungry kiss. “How far you wanna go?”

"I want to experience everything with you, Dean." He looked down for a moment. "But I need you to guide me, my knowledge is only theoretical, and I don't know how far you want to go."

Dean nodded against Cas’s lips. He knew what he wanted to try. There was a reason he only looked at internet porn on his phone, so his brother wouldn’t know the kinda stuff he watched. There was a folder of gay porn sites. And he knew which position he wanted to try. “All the way. Want you to fuck me.”

A soft surprised noise fell from Cas's lips as he stared at him for a moment. "Yes, okay. I... I can do that."

There was a strange combination of excitement and nervousness, battling it out, causing Dean’s body to shiver with anticipatory tremors. Dean grabbed a pillow and slipped it under his lower back, arching his hips in invitation.

Cas looked a little lost. "I think if my knowledge is correct... um, we need lube."

Dean leaned over and popped open his nightstand. He stopped jerking off without the stuff years ago. As he handed it to Cas, he got a little lost in lust blown blue. “Yeah, you gotta get me ready.”

When Dean resumed his position, Cas softly pushed his legs apart and knelt between them. The tip of his tongue licked over his own lip in concentration as he poured lube on his fingers. He slid closer, looking at Dean as his wet, slippery finger found Dean's ass, slowly circling his hole.

Dean took a deep breath, bracing himself for the strange sensation. The pressure was strange, not bad, but it was making it real for Dean. The zero to sixty was fine, but Dean was fast losing control and he didn’t like to lose control. When the tip of Cas’s finger slipped inside, he gasped and pushed Cas’s shoulders back. “Cas, wait… wait…”

Cas immediately drew back, looking worried. "Did I do it wrong? Did I hurt you?"

“No, no,” he reassured as he cupped his face. “Look, I think I’m too in my head about it. And I know it’s dumb, but I just… I don’t think I’m ready.”

"Oh," Cas replied, as his hands sank down to the mattress. "Maybe... would you, um, like to... do you want me this way?" He murmured, not looking up at Dean.

Dean gently tilted his chin to look up at him. “Do you?”

Cas's expression turned serious as he nodded softly. "I want to be close to you... feel you in this intimate way. The _ how _ doesn't matter to me."

“Okay,” he murmured, a thrill of excitement coursing through him. Dean gently drew Cas in for a kiss, carefully taking charge, pushing Cas onto his back.

Cas went down willingly, spreading his legs for Dean. He pushed the lube into Dean's hand with a soft sigh. 

Without missing a beat, Dean slotted himself between Cas’s legs, sinking back on his heels as he coated his fingers in the lube. He used one hand to part Cas’s cheeks before carefully dragging his index finger over Cas’s pucker. The heat was intoxicating.

Cas bit down on his lower lip and pressed his head back into the pillow with a soft moan. "Oh, that feels surprisingly good," he breathed out.

There was a moment of jealousy, before his cock took over, twitching with interest. Dean gently started applying pressure until Cas relaxed enough for the tip of his finger to slip past the tight ring of muscle. “Damn, you’re tight,” he groaned.

Cas was breathing hard through parted lips, looking up at him with lust blown eyes as he braced his palms against the headboard. "You're the first person to do this with me," he moaned, his eyes fluttering shut for a few seconds.

Dean leaned down and pressed a playful bite against Cas’s inner thigh. “Good,” he growled.

"Uh, Dean... please," Cas pleaded, his body moving towards him, pushing his finger deeper inside of Cas.

It was fucking beautiful, and he couldn’t wait to feel the slick clench around his cock. He slipped in a second finger, Cas getting more and more relaxed. “Fuck…”

Cas hummed and actually looked completely out of it with lust, his body writhing as he groaned and tried to fuck himself on Dean's fingers. Dean's gaze fell on his cock, it was hard and leaking all over his stomach.

Dean’s own cock throbbed in sympathy, he started fucking his fingers into Cas’s hole as he one-handedly opened the lube and started stroking his cock. “Tell me you’re ready, baby.”

"Please, Dean." Cas's fingers tightened around the sheets, as he moaned, "I need you."

Dean withdrew his fingers and slid forward, pumping his cock against Cas’s fluttering hole. “Need you too.” 

"Please, Dean," Cas begged, lifting his hips towards Dean's cock.

There was little resistance as the head of his cock slowly sank inside, almost as though Cas was sucking him in. Dean let out a drawn out groan. “Oh, Christ.”

"Dean, yes... feels so good. Uh, please kiss me," Cas moaned, giving him a desperate and needy look.

Like he could ever resist Cas. Not anymore, now that they’d crossed this line. Dean’s lips grazed Cas’s as he sank deeper inside, finally kissing him as he hit home, in to the hilt.

Cas answered his kiss with a deep groan, his hips arching up to get him to start moving.

Never breaking the kiss, Dean slowly started thrusting. Short, shallow thrusts at first, building up a good rhythm, before his need grew desperate and his hips started frantically pistoning of their own volition. 

Cas crossed his legs behind him, his strong hands holding him close at his sides. They shared kisses in between staring at each other and it felt incredibly intimate. “Dean, I love you,” Cas whispered breathlessly.

Dean was terrified to say those words out loud, even though he felt, in the depths of his being, that he very much loved the angel back. A serious love, built from years of friendship, a bond that he never really had with anyone. He gave Cas a pointed look as he tilted Cas’s hips up at an angle to get deeper, and said the closest thing he had to an_ I love you, _“I know.”

Cas seemed to get it. He smiled happily, like he just knew Dean’s heart. He probably did, being an angel and all.

His eyes fluttered shut for a moment before he cried out, "Dean, Dea-a-an, uhhhh." Dean could feel him tightening around his cock as his angel came between them.

“Oh, fuck…” Dean gasped out as his hips worked faster, chasing his own orgasm, needing to feel himself fill Cas.

"Dean," Cas cried out, bracing his palms against the headrest. "Oh, f... fuck."

Hearing Cas say fuck was like an eletrical jolt straight to his balls. Dean gasped out Cas’s name as he came with such a force, he was surprised he didn’t pass out.

Cas blinked up at him, looking surprised and very blissed out at the same time. "Dean," he murmured. It was just his name but it sounded like Cas was saying everything to him.

Dean chuckled and closed the gap between them with a gentle kiss. “I’m right there with ya.”

Cas wrapped his arms around him to pull him closer, leaning his head back on the pillow with a soft sigh. "I feel very relaxed right now."

“Then my job is done,” he teased as he relaxed against Cas, enjoying his own blissed out contentment.

"I wouldn't go that far." Cas chuckled lowly. "I think there is a lot more that you could do."

Dean smiled, a contented and lazy movement. “I’m game if you are.”

Cas carded his fingers through his hair. "I just want to spend every second I have with you."

Before Dean could reply, there was a loud knock on his door. He groaned and rolled his eyes. Well, so much for pillow talk and the afterglow. Dean pressed a chaste kiss to Cas’s lips. “Let’s see if we can get more of those seconds.”

"I'll fight for every last one," Cas murmured before he kissed him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, fun fact folx: This piece Any painted just because, and I demanded we include it in this season 15 fic, lolol. So, yes, give her all the love for waiting to share this gorgeous piece until this chapter was posted! She painted it forever ago! <3<3<3<3<3


	9. Should I Stay or Should I Go?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Frankie here: I'm not even sure why I bothered to stick to the friggin' 12am PST thing. I mean, it's hilarious I even tried. 
> 
> Two more chapters after this, y'all. Hopefully it's been worth the poorly kept to schedule. <3<3<3<3

#    
**Should I Stay or Should I Go?**

# 

Cas kissed Dean on his cheek and hugged him when he said goodbye. Jack was already waiting for him, to accompany Cas to Heaven. He had apologized to Jack for not going to him immediately, but Jack had shown a great depth of understanding when it came to his relationship with Dean. 

When they returned to Heaven, and the conference room where everybody seemed to be busy running around, Cas searched for Gabriel, finding him deep in conversation with Raphael. “Gabriel,” Cas greeted. “We are going to summon Amara. How is the research going?”

Gabriel nodded and waved Cas closer. “I think we can do it. Between all of us, Amara, Jack, and Rowena, I think we might have the juice to put a leash on the old dog.”

“That’s good news,” Cas replied before he felt an uncomfortable pull in his stomach.  _ Worry. _ “Have you decided on who should take the seal?”

He looked past Cas at Jack. “You still up for it, kid?”

Jack nodded and held his head high. “Absolutely.”

Cas rubbed his fingers over his forehead. "Is there an alternative?"

Gabriel quirked his brow. “An angel can’t take the mark. Just as an angel can take the mark of darkness, only he born  _ of  _ darkness can take the mark of light. Or some prophetic shit. What was it again, Joshua?”

Before Joshua could say anything, Cas growled, "Jack is a  _ Nephilim. _ How is he not ‘light’?"

Gabriel stepped forward. “He’s Lucifer’s son, Castiel.”

“Lucifer was the brightest of all angels,” Cas reminded him. “He carried the seal of Amara the first time before he gave it to Cain.” 

That was met with an annoyed sigh. “Castiel! Lucifer was  _ tainted  _ by the Mark. He became the Father of Darkness, and Jack was born from that darkness. If you don’t like it, there’s the door.”

Cas frowned and touched Jack’s shoulder. “So, you’re saying he’s the  _ only _ one that can do it?”

“Unless you know any demons willing to work with us.” Gabriel had never been so straightforward and stern. Being a leader seemed to have hardened the archangel.

Cas hated it, but one look at Jack’s face told him that his son was ready and determined to do this. And he knew he would do a good job. Maybe this had been his destiny all along. To save the world. He knew Jack was meant to do something big. “You really want to do this?” he asked, his voice turning soft.

Jack gave Cas a serene smile. “I do... Dad.”

Cas gasped before he pulled Jack into a tight hug. "I'm proud of you. I hope you know that."

“I’m proud of you too,” he murmured into the crook of Cas’s neck.

“Good. You gonna get off my nuts now, Cas?” Gabriel asked, the humor seeping back into his voice.

Cas grimaced as he leaned back to look at Gabriel. "That was a weirdly graphic image. But yes... I guess, this is how it will happen." He turned fully to his older brother. "What will happen to Jack after he takes the mark?" 

They all shared a look, until Naomi stepped forward. “We don’t know.”

“Are you planning to… imprison him?” Cas asked carefully.

“You knew that was part of the deal when we first talked about this, Cas,” Gabriel said in an exhausted sounding sigh. “That doesn’t change just because you  _ like _ who’s taking the mark. We don’t want another Lucifer on our hands.”

Jack walked closer to him and touched his arm. "I'm okay with the consequences."

Cas shook his head, squinting his eyes at Gabriel in anger before he turned to Jack. "Well, I'm not. And I'm not ready to give up on you."

There was some grumbling from the other angels before Gabriel grabbed him by the forearm and nodded for Cas to step outside with him. “We need to talk.”

Cas reluctantly followed Gabriel until they were in a room that looked like a bar from the fifties. Probably Gabriel’s favorite hangout. “What is it?” he growled as he closed the door.

“We’ve got one shot at this. One.” He said as he held up his index finger. “You told me you wanted me to be the leader we all need, right?”

“Actually I think you’re doing a very good job,” Cas replied carefully.

Gabriel quirked his brow. “Then stop fighting this; stop fighting  _ me.” _

“I'm not doing this to spite you, Gabriel. Jack means everything to me. I know you might not get that!" Cas tried to keep his emotions under control, but it was difficult. Of course he understood where Gabriel was coming from, and why this was important. But this was Jack, and he couldn’t help himself. He knew he would do anything to protect him.

There was a beat of silence before Gabriel sighed and said, “I’m not asking anymore, Castiel. You’re either team Heaven, or team your-own-agenda. If you aren’t with us, then you need to leave.”

Cas scoffed and shook his head. "Out of all the angels, I would have never expected those words from your mouth. What happened to free will?"

Gabriel sighed again as he rifled his hand through his hair. “You don’t get to play that card this time. Jack is willingly volunteering. You’re the only one trying to stop anyone’s free will here.”

"He's my son. It's hard to watch him give up his freedom like that!" Cas replied, his anger starting to get the better of him. "And you know damn well that I won't go against Heaven on this. I can't stop Jack from making this choice, and the last thing I need is to be expelled again, and not able to see him because you're going to lock him up in Heaven."

“Then be a good little fledgling and shut the hell up. Work with us, and you’ll be allowed to visit him as much as you want.”

Cas was taken aback by that. “What happened to you?”

Gabriel scoffed. “I was brought back and told to be in charge. Don’t like it? You shouldn’t have done it.”

"You know damn well that we couldn't have Raphael up here as the only archangel. I'm kind of fed up with constantly fighting an apocalypse." He squinted his eyes at him. "It's about time Heaven helped in that fight. I need you here. But I thought you would be in my corner."

“I am! I’m also in the corner that’s trying to save the world one last time, and the last thing we need is you, or a Winchester, trying to fuck it up. We have one shot at this. Everyone else understands that one sacrifice for the lives of  _ millions _ is a no-brainer, Cas. Everyone except you.”

Cas didn't know what to say. Gabriel had it all wrong. He understood that this was the way this needed to happen. But that didn't mean he had to like the consequences. "I won't stand in your way of saving the world," Cas replied slowly. "But I will fight for my son's life after this, so he won't need to spend eternity in a cell. And If you don’t allow me to look for a solution for this problem, then I will choose my own path, yet again."

Gabriel sighed. “Fine. Just, stop talking about it now. So the rest of them don’t worry about having to lock you up too. Okay?”

Cas didn’t like that, but he knew Gabriel had a point. “Okay. I promise. I’m not here to make your job more difficult. I hope you know that I’m on your side.”

“I know you are. But every angel in that room doesn’t think that.”

“The only opinion that matters to me is yours, Gabriel,” Cas confessed after a moment.

Gabriel laughed. “That’s all well and good, but you're not the one that has to keep the bloodhounds at bay.”

Cas couldn't help the quick laugh as he tried to imagine Gabriel keeping the other angels on a leash. "I’ll try to behave. At least until we’ve safely sealed God away."

“Good enough,” he said as he guided Cas back to the meeting room.

The moment he was back with Jack he pulled him in a hug, leaving one arm around him as he turned to Gabriel. “We should go to the bunker. They are ready to summon Amara.”

“Call us if she’s game. And if she is, one more round.” Gabriel flashed them a small wink and turned back to the other angels.

"I will." Cas turned to Jack with a soft sigh. "You should... use the time to say goodbye."

Jack nodded. “I will.”

**…. :::: :::: ….**

Dean was getting antsy. Billie and Rowena were still working out the logistics of summoning Amara, and he was damn worried about his angel. He’d already cleaned every gun he could find, until Sam made him sit in a chair in the library.

To distract himself, he kept tapping the table with all of his fingers, trying to perfect the drum solo from Rush’s _ 2112\.  _

A familiar flap of wings and displacement of air told him Cas was back. He didn’t even need to turn around or hear his deep voice, greeting him with a beautiful, "Hello, Dean."

Dean immediately got out of his chair and approached Cas, gently cupping his right cheek. “Hey, Cas.”

He could see something was off. The smile he received didn’t reach Cas’s eyes as his angel leaned into his palm. “Jack is going to carry the seal,” he murmured.

_ Ah. _ Dean drew Cas into a hug. “Then let’s make his last night with us count.”

Cas drew back from him with a frown. "That's it? You won't even ask what’s going to happen to him?"

“They’re gonna lock him up, right? That’s what you told me.”

“And you’re okay with that?” Cas asked slowly.

Dean sighed. “I was okay with locking myself up when Michael took over. Locking Sam up when he said yes to Lucifer. Did I like it? Hell no. But sometimes… sometimes you don’t really have an alternative. I mean… I can only  _ imagine  _ what a mark from the darkness could cause.”

“Well, you would know. You carried the Mark of Cain for a while.” Cas shook his head before he stepped away from Dean, right out of his personal space. “But this seal is not made from Darkness. It’s pure, holy light from Heaven, because it’s meant to hold God.”

“Well, considering that guy’s an even bigger asshole than Amara, yeah… who fucking knows. I mean, if there’s a way around it, if there’s a way we can make sure he isn’t imprisoned for all eternity, I’ll do what I can to help.”

Cas looked surprised by that. "You will?"

“I mean, if it’s the only way to go, then fine. But if it isn’t? Then yeah.”

“Thank you,” Cas breathed out before he pulled him into a surprised hug. “You have no idea how much this means to me.”

Dean chuckled as he drew back enough to press a gentle kiss to his lips. “They’re almost ready. Is Heaven?”

“They are only waiting for our signal,” Cas explained before his gaze wandered to Jack, who was currently talking to Sam. He could see how much the situation was weighing on his angel.

“Jack’s gonna save the world, Cas. Just like you said. I’m sure of it.” Dean gave him a sweet smile. “And if he doesn’t, all your worrying is for nothing, ‘cause we’ll all be dead if he doesn’t.”

“He will. He is determined to do everything to save the world. And I believe in him. I always did,” Cas murmured before she smiled wistfully. “He is a Winchester.”

Dean chuckled and nodded. No truer words had ever been spoken. “That’s us. Corrupting all sorts of feathery friends,” he murmured as he carded his hand through Cas’s hair. 

"I wouldn't say corrupting," Cas murmured, obviously enjoying the way Dean touched his hair. The guy was such a cat sometimes.

Dean couldn’t help the smile as he gently leaned in, closing the gap as he drew him in for a soft kiss. “I dunno, Cas… pretty sure I’ve corrupted you.”

"If this is corruption, then I'm fine with it," Cas replied dryly before pulling him into a deeper kiss that may or may not have left him a little breathless.

“Is it terrible I want Jack to succeed so I can keep doing this?” Dean lazily draped his arms about his angel’s neck.

"I know what you mean," Cas replied softly before he looked down. "At least I can visit him in Heaven."

Dean gave him an encouraging smile. “Silver lining.”

“I still hope it won’t have any influence on him,” Cas murmured with a sad tone in his voice. “I know it’s naive.”

Before Dean could respond, Billie barked, “We’re ready!”

“Already?” Cas appeared shocked as his gaze wandered to Jack. He let go of Dean and walked over to him.

Dean followed, the air tense with anticipatory dread. It was a sort of finality that really made him feel like one of the stars of the shitty  _ Truman Show _ rip off that Chuck basically cast them in. And there were so many ways this could go wrong. The spell could fail. Amara might have no interest in helping them. Or worse, she could get pissed that they summoned her and wipe them all out. The spell to lock Chuck up could fail. Their odds weren’t that great.

As the silence began to grate, Dean said, “What do we need to do?”

Instead of Billie, Cas answered his question, "Pray to Gabriel, tell him we're ready. We will need the archangels here when Amara shows up."

Dean nodded and closed his eyes. “Douchenozzle Gabriel, it’s your pal, Dean Winchester. Get your feathery asses down here. We’re ready.” As he blinked his eyes open, he flashed Cas a cocky smile with an accompanying wink.

“Eloquent as always,” Cas replied dryly. A second later Raphael and Gabriel appeared with a bunch of other angels Dean had never seen before.

The urge to grab a weapon was overwhelming.

When Gabriel saw Rowena, his friggin’ eyes lit up as he approached her with a growly, “Hey, tigress.”

Rowena smiled at him, giving him a little shrug of her shoulder. “Hello, angel.”

If Cas rolled his eyes any harder, they’d fall out like those creepy muppets from  _ Labyrinth. _

“Don’t we have a cosmic being to summon?” Dean barked as he tried to block out the sultry winks Gabriel kept tossing in Rowena’s direction.

Gabriel looked over his shoulder, flashing Dean his own eyeroll. "If I have to suffer through my little brother's pining for you, you can do us the same courtesy."

Cas was shuffling his feet next to him, clearly not sure where to look. "Um, Dean is right. We should start."

Dean refrained from flashing the bastard a cocky smirk. Now was  _ not _ the time. He slipped his hand into Cas’s, and nodded to Rowena and Billie. “What do you need from me?”

Rowena approached, casting a cursory glance down at their joined hands before she rolled one of her sleeves up. She gave Dean a pointed look. “Your soul.”

Cas shook his head. “We already discussed this. Billie is providing the soul power for you.”

Rowena rolled her eyes. Was there a meeting Dean wasn’t invited to? “She’s providing the soul power, yes. What  _ I  _ need is a way to tap into a connection to Amara. It won’t hurt… much.”

"It's not life threatening to Dean, right?" Cas asked with a stern expression.

That was met with uniformed eyerolls from both Billie and Rowena.  _ There definitely was a meeting. _ Rowena smirked and said, “Just a pinch,” before she braced her hand on Dean’s chest, and suddenly his world shifted to white hot pain.

He tried to focus on the feeling of Cas beside him, holding him, grounding him. And then, through all the mind-numbing pain, he saw something. It was a bright, burning light that surrounded Cas, a halo around his head and grace lit eyes, his wings massive shadows that shimmered in different kind of blue-colored hues. The pain ebbed away, and Dean could feel a pull on where the mark used to lay. It was his connection to Amara.

Dean gasped and collapsed against Cas as the pulling sensation ceased. “Fuck,” he croaked.

Cas wrapped his arms around him to pull him close. "Are you alright?"

“I am now,” he murmured, somehow getting lost in unending sympathetic blue. Damn, Cas was really pretty.

Cas replied with a soft but shy smile. 

The moment didn't last because the air around them shifted, and from one moment to the next, Amara appeared right in front of them.

She was wearing an oversized white t-shirt with a fake bikini body, hot pink leggings, and an obnoxious pair of sunglasses. A small dog was barking at them from her enormous purse. Amara hushed the dog and pulled her sunglasses off. “This better be good.”

“We need your help,” Cas announced. His angel seemed to be completely oblivious to Amara’s outfit.

“No,” she said. 

Just as she was turning away, Dean stepped forward. “Please, Amara. Hear us out.”

She paused, looking Dean over before she looked between Cas and Dean with a frown. "I'm on vacation," she replied, but at least she wasn’t one foot out the door

“You’ve, uh… you’ve noticed what’s going on, right?” Dean stepped forward, hands open in a peaceful gesture.

She shrugged. "Not really. Other than my brother ditching out on our vacation plans, he went off without me."

Dean sighed. “The world is ending. Game over; it’s the season finale.”

“Oh, so he did it again? Got bored?” She rolled her eyes before she clipped, tone more annoyed than hurt, “He really did ditch me.”

“That’s what he apparently does. He pretends to care, but now he’s left us all to die, just because we didn't do what he wanted. We hoped you could help us. To save this world," Cas explained in a calm voice.

Amara furrowed her brow. “If I kill him, your world ends anyway.”

“We don’t want you to kill him. We’ve found a way to trap him. The same way he once trapped you.” Cas nodded to Gabriel and Raphael to join them, who up until that point, had kept a respectful distance. 

Dean realized why when Amara’s gaze fell on them. The temperature dropped twenty degrees. “Oh, his  _ favorite  _ toys. The ones who helped my brother trap me.” 

Gabriel lifted his hands in a defensive gesture. “It wasn’t personal. Back then we were used to doing everything Dad told us to. But hey, at least we remember how he did it, so now you can totally get him back for that stunt.” 

Amara looked them over, expression unreadable. “And you want the only creature in the universe who can destroy me, locked away for eternity? You’re willing to put God’s sister in charge?”

Gabriel gestured to her outfit. "The way you blend in and enjoy your vacation tells me everything I need to know to trust you."

Dean sighed and said, “You’ve been hurt by him more than all of us combined. If you want to help us put him away, stop him from hurting more and more people, this is our shot. This moment. Please, Amara. Please.”

Amara let out an annoyed sigh. “You know I could never resist your begging, Dean.” 

Cas full on bristled next to him, but thankfully didn’t say anything. 

“Okay, I’ll help you. But that is the only thing I will do. Don’t ask for any other favors because when this is done, I’m leaving. And I’m taking the cat with me.”

"It's a dog," Cas stated dryly.

Amara looked down at her pet. "Oh... well, whatever. I’ll take her with me."

Dean chuckled and looked at the most ridiculous, rag tag bunch of people. Disgruntled angels, a doe eyed nephilim, DEATH, a devious witch, a couple of hunters, and God’s (suddenly looking like she’s from Florida) sister. They were going to save the world?

As he exchanged a firm nod with Cas, reaching out for his hand, he felt it. That surge of trust, of hope, of something damnably inconvenient at a time like this.  _ Love. _

With Cas’s small smile, he knew then…

They were going to save the world.

**…. :::: :::: …..**

They needed a huge confluence point of Leylines for the summoning, so Amara brought them to a place that held a lot of memories. Stull Cemetery in Lawrence. The place where they fought the end of the world for the first time. The great showdown between Michael and Lucifer that never happened. In a way, it felt almost poetic, like a circle closing, to stand in this place. 

While the archangels and Amara were coordinating their plan, Cas felt a painful tug at his heart. Not only because he was worried about Jack, but also because he felt a deep sorrow for Sam and Eileen’s situation. Dean and Sam had talked about asking Amara for her help, but she had been adamant about this being the last favor. They had decided  – or more precisely,  _ Eileen _ decided – it wasn’t worth angering her and risking the fate of the whole world.

Cas hated that he couldn’t do anything. Sam deserved happiness and he deserved to be with the woman he loved. Billie told them that when everything was over, she would help all the lost souls on their way back to Heaven. But it still wasn’t fair. Nothing really was.

The truth was he felt guilty. Because in between all of those bad things that happened around them, he was happy because of Dean.

Dean, who looked at him with a smile, held his hand as they walked over to Jack. 

“How do you feel, Jack?” Cas asked with a sympathetic smile. 

Jack furrowed his brow in bemusement. “I don’t feel anything.”

Cas rolled his eyes and rephrased his question, “I mean, what are your thoughts? Any second guessing, are you still sure you want to do this?”

Jack nodded. “I want to do what’s right. This is what’s right.”

"You're right." Cas gave him a soft smile. "I'm proud of you. And no matter what happens when you take the Mark, I will always be here for you."

“I know.” Jack moved in to hug him then.

Cas hugged him back, pulling him tight before he released him again, and looked at Dean. If everything went as planned, this was goodbye. Jack would go to Heaven and never come back.

When he stepped away, Dean nodded for Jack to follow him back to his vehicle. Cas could have easily listened to their conversation, but he chose to give them their privacy. Dean was speaking as he opened the passenger side door and reached in to grab something from the glove compartment. Whatever the object was, Jack was apparently struck dumb and Dean pulled him in for a hug.

He could feel something inside his heart, a lightness, that told him that right now in this moment, he had completely forgiven Dean. He had carried his resentment for what happened for quite some time, but seeing them now, how Dean was hugging Jack, he knew that Dean had meant his words. Jack was family. Not just for Cas and Sam. But also for Dean.

When they drew apart, Jack approached Sam as Dean walked towards Cas. His eyes were shimmering with unshed tears.

Cas met Dean halfway, wrapping his arms around him the moment he was within reach. "I love you," he murmured into Dean's hair. 

Dean clung to him, fists pulling Cas’s coat tight as his face was pressed into the crook of Cas’s neck. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” he whispered.

Cas's heart skipped a beat. Dean's words meant everything to him. "I'll do everything in my power to get us through this, Dean. I waited so long for this... I want to live my life with you."

Dean drew back and cupped Cas’s cheek. “If… if we don’t make it outta this…”

Cas got lost in Dean's eyes, leaning into the warmth of his palm. "Then I'll see you in Heaven. Provided Heaven survives."

Dean let out a mirthless chuckle. “I fucking love you.”

Cas tilted his head, slightly confused by Dean's reaction, but loved hearing those words; that Dean reciprocated his feelings. Not that he didn't already know that, but every time Dean said or did something to show his feelings for him, his heart skipped and it made him smile.

Without missing a beat, Dean pressed a kiss to his lips. Cas refused to think of it as their last kiss. But there was a finality to it.

Cas got lost in Dean's eyes when they broke their kiss. A look that held more meaning than any conversation could have. 

"We're ready," Rowena announced. "Everyone get in position."

Everyone spread out in a large circle, Dean taking his place next to his brother to the left of Amara, Jack taking his place next to Rowena.

Cas joined his brothers on the other side, taking Inias’s and Hannah's hands in his. He could feel the thrum of the leyline energy in his grace as he concentrated to connect to the others. Their task was to build a shield to protect the casters and humans from any harm. His gaze wandered to Dean, giving him a slight nod before his sight turned white and he hovered in a state of mind that connected to his brethren.

He could feel Inias, Hannah, Balthazar, Samandriel, and Benjamin; happy to fight at the side of all the angels he liked. He missed being so connected to his own kind.

Dean just made it easier to forget what he was missing.

Amara stepped into the middle and held up her arms. Dark clouds accumulated in the sky, the wind picked up its pace. The energy spiked and he gripped his brethren harder to hold onto them.

And then Amara called out to Him.

As the blackened clouds cycloned into tornadoes, the wind kicking up around all of them, trees swaying menacingly, there was a buzz of electricity vibrating all around him, as though every single atom was shaking. It became more and more difficult to maintain the shield, Hannah’s and Inias’s hands slipping from his grip.

Then it stopped. The clouds were gone, the sky a bright, hopeful blue. A blue that had been absent for the past few days. Chuck appeared from behind a tree, gently approaching. He looked over the angels, still maintaining the shield, and he waved his hand.

They were immediately broken apart, the shield disappearing, leaving them all open to his mercy. 

Chuck let out a half-impressed chuckle before he shook his head. “Sorry, guys, but fans don’t get a say in how it ends.”

Cas growled as he pushed himself up. He ran to Inias and grabbed his hand again. They weren’t giving up so easily. Even if they couldn't maintain a full shield, they could at least protect the humans with a barrier. 

Amara walked up to Chuck. "Oh, brother, what was your plan, hm? End the world and leave me? You ditched me."

Chuck shrugged. “Once it was gone, I knew you’d find me again.”

"I got a cat!" she complained as she held up her dog. "I was having fun!"

“You can have fun on the  _ next _ universe I create!” 

“No. I  _ like _ this world," Amara’s voice deepened with her anger. "Can't you just keep it and move on? For me? You don't need to destroy everything. That was my job back in the day, remember? That's why you locked me away."

Chuck rolled his eyes. “A good writer knows to kill his darlings.”

She rolled her eyes. "You're a shitty writer. Your stories are full of plotholes, and you kill people everyone loves just to hurt them. You only want to destroy this place because it's proof of your bad writing."

Once again, the smile fell from Chuck’s face, his eyes growing dark. As his fists clenched at his sides, the ground started shaking, cracking apart like one of the highly implausible disaster movies Dean made him watch. With the yawning of dried out hallowed ground, decrepit, decayed hands started crawling from below. Smoke and dust mingling with the rush of spirits all emerging.

Chuck cracked his neck as he expanded his arms. “You should’ve killed me when you had the chance.” 


	10. Smoke on the Water

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eeeeek! Here we go, y'all. The home stretch!

#    
**Smoke on the Water**

# 

The infamous gunfight at the OK Corral paled in comparison to the showdown between God and his sister. Dean tightened his grip on his angel blade as he cocked his 1911. Just to further prove Amara’s point about the guy’s bad writing, Chuck summoned the worst of the worst when it came to the residents of Hell. A full on repeat of how they started this whole damn apocalypse nine years ago.

Like some sort of bloody ballet, everyone effortlessly dove in. Slicing and hacking through rancid human flesh, in between firing iron rounds at the ghosts. Not that that did anything, but it did shut them down for a minute.

One of the ghosts, a grisly, enormous motherfucker, face half eaten and missing a chunk of his abdomen, ducked Dean’s shot. He disappeared, reappearing directly behind Dean, flipping him and lifting him with a grip on his throat. Dean struggled against the constriction, but nothing tangible enough to grip to stop it.

If he wasn’t very near dying, Dean might have thought how cool it was to be force choked, like this Rob Zombie reject was Darth Vader.

And then he could breathe again, his vision coming into focus. Eileen was standing over the decapitated ghost corpse, that basically turned to ash before disappearing into the ground. She smirked at Dean before going after a ghost that was heading straight for Jack.

Damn, she was a fucking cool chick.

That was when the sharp pain of a bite shook him from his momentary reprieve. Motherfucking zombies. The bastard was latched onto Dean’s calf for dear life. “Fuck!” 

Cas rolled in like a thunderstorm, bright blue glowy eyes as he smote the living shit out of the zombie. His trench coat was bloody, hair in disarray, as he quickly touched Dean’s shoulder and healed the bite, breathing hard. 

They were attacked again immediately, slicing zombies back to back, Dean could almost physically  _ feel  _ that Cas was using too much of his grace for the weird glowy barrier that was keeping hundreds of zombies at bay. It was cracking, and zombies were starting to pour through it.

“Babe,” he called out over his shoulder, “save your energy, there’s too many!” Dean sliced through two zombies with one swift strike.

“We can’t take them all at once,” Cas yelled back, cutting into a zombie’s throat.

In that moment, hundreds more angels and reapers showed up, throwing themselves right into the fray. Dean let out a surprised huff of laughter and quickly turned to Cas. “Maybe we can!”

Cas looked incredibly relieved as the barrier he created broke down. He answered Dean with a smile of his own before he smote ghosts and zombies left and right, keeping them off of Dean's back.

They always made a great team. With a powerful army behind them, Hell’s side started depleting. So much so, after he knocked a meaty zombie’s head clean off, he grabbed Cas by the tie and yanked him in for a kiss. Goddamn, Dean loved the high he got from adrenaline.

Cas gave him a confused look before he smiled at him. "Kissing during a fight?" He asked before he grabbed a zombie's head without looking away, and burned its eyes out. It was a pretty badass move.

“We’re winning, needed to celebrate,” he said as he pushed Cas’s shoulders down to reach behind him and decapitate the fucker that had been closing in. 

The ground rumbled and Amara screamed, “Enough!” 

In an instant, every single zombie collapsed to the ground, and each ghost froze mid-movement. Amara purposely approached Chuck and waved her hand, holding him in place. “Cast the spell,” she commanded.

Dean could see the archangels flank Rowena’s sides as the witch began muttering the spell. The other angels drew in a large circle, and they all started to glow. Cas touched his shoulder before he ran to join them.

Chuck seemed to struggle, but he stopped the moment Jack stepped forward, next to Amara. His entire body was glowing, a bright warm and golden light. 

Chuck started to scream, his body diffusing into a white light that seized up before it was practically sucked into Jack's arm. Jack cried out in pain, dropping to his knees. Cas was at his side in a second, holding him in his arms as Jack's cries of pain slowly subsided. 

And then everything was quiet. Chuck was gone.

Jack’s eyes widened in horror before they started to well up with tears. His lip trembled as he looked up at Sam and Dean, the well bursting as his cheeks grew damp with his tears. “I… I’m… I’m a monster,” he gasped out, between broken sobs.

Dean shook his head in dismay. “The fuck is that mark doing to him?”

Cas shook his head in worry, pressing Jack tight in a gesture of comfort. "I don't know. He... he can feel again."

"He has his soul back," Gabriel said, appearing at their side before he kneeled next to them. "The mark somehow gave him back his soul."

Jack was almost hyperventilating as he stammered, “I… k-killed… M-m-mary…” 

Dean knelt down at his other side and pulled the kid close, hushing him. He shook his head as he looked at Gabe. “Shit… what the hell does that mean?”

Gabriel shook his head as he moved to stand again. "I don't know yet, but it's good news. It means he has his moral compass again. Maybe we don't need to imprison him after all."

Cas's eyes widened before he looked at Dean with a hopeful expression. It only lasted for a moment, because Jack was still crying. "Everything will be fine, Jack," he soothed with a soft tone. "Remember? We went to see Mary and she is happy now. She forgave you and you didn't do it on purpose. Everything will be fine."

Jack was whimpering; he nodded in understanding, but the tears weren’t subsiding. 

“Quick,” Dean said as he held out his hand, “I need a candy bar, with nougat.” He pointedly looked at Gabe. If anybody had a secret stash on him... 

Gabe rolled his eyes and procured a Milky Way, handing it to Dean. "I want this replaced."

Dean murmured, “Fine,” as he grabbed the candy and handed it to Jack. “Come on, kid. It’s your favorite.”

Jack looked up with red eyes, his cheeks wet with tears before he carefully took the candy bar. There was a tiny smile before he looked up at Dean, even more tears running down his face. "I'm so sorry for everything."

“I know, kid. Me too.” Dean ruffled his hair and looked at Cas then. “Me too.”

Cas seemed to get it immediately. They always had the silent communication down. Right from the start. He nodded at him before he looked up at Gabriel. "Can we take him home? I promise I'll keep an eye on him should there be any negative consequences of the mark."

Gabe shared a look with Billie, only a moment of hesitation before he nodded. “We’ll be checking in on him, randomly, from time to time.”

Dean flashed him an assuring smile. “Deal.”

**…. :::: :::: ….**

Amara vanished the moment Chuck had deteriorated in a cloud of light. Sam cried out in frustration, because he hoped he could have tried to talk her into saving Eileen.

The world was saved. But his own world was still in pieces. He couldn't say goodbye to her. He just couldn't.

The reapers started to gather the ghosts who had helped their side during the battle. At least Billie kept her word about taking them to Heaven. Sam quickly walked up to Eileen. He really didn’t want her to go with them.

Maybe Billie could help? Maybe there was a loophole, or an exception, or something… Sam refused to give up.

"Let me try to speak to Billie again. There must be something I can do, so you can stay," Sam pleaded with Eileen as he reached her. It wasn’t fair he couldn’t even take her hand. "I can't let you go."

“Sam… you know I can’t stay.” Eileen looked just as heartbroken by the idea.

“Not as a ghost. But there has to be a way,” Sam replied, a tear running down his cheek. “Cas dies so often, and he _ always  _ comes back somehow. I don’t want to believe this is over.”

Eileen moved to grasp his hand, drawing her hand back with an almost wounded smile. “At least I got to see you again.”

Sam shook his head, another tear managing to escape. "This is so unfair," he murmured before he looked up at Billie who was drawing closer. 

"Please tell me there is something you can do to help her? I know you said you couldn’t intervene…” Sam pleaded with her. He didn’t really care that she saw him like that. Eileen was worth it.

Billie sighed as she looked him over. “For all of your help, for all of your sacrifice, I will bring one person back. Anyone you want. I’ll give you some time to decide.” And with that, she disappeared.

Sam was stunned for a moment. He hadn't anticipated Billie helping him. "I… but I don't need any time," he murmured to the empty space she once occupied. He turned to Eileen with wide eyes. "She will save you."

Eileen gave Sam a pointed look. “She said anyone, Sam.  _ Anyone.” _

"Yeah, I heard her." Sam stepped closer to Eileen, giving her a soft smile. "And I want to save you."

“Sam,” she said, voice fond yet sad. “Anyone. You can bring back your Mom. Or… or Jessica.”

"My mom is happy in Heaven with Dad, and… Jessica…" He shook his head. "I'm not the same person anymore. I’ve changed. And I want you." He cleared his throat. "I mean… um, I, um, I want to save you, Eileen."

Eileen flashed him a sweet smile. “Maybe you should talk this over with your brother.”

"Would that make you feel better? I know Dean will have my back on this," Sam replied softly. At least he was ninety-nine percent sure. If Dean didn’t agree, he was prepared to go over his head with this decision.

“I just don’t want you regretting your choice,” she confessed.

In that moment, he wished he could touch her, show her that her worry was unwarranted. "Never. The only thing I regret is that I couldn't save you the first time. Now I can."

Eileen’s lip trembled, she clearly wanted to hug him.

In that moment, Dean barked out, “You coming?”

Sam gave Eileen an encouraging smile before he walked over to his brother. "We need to talk. Billie just made me an offer."

“What?” Dean asked as he opened the door for Cas to slip in next to Jack in the back seat.

"Billie said we could bring one person back from the dead. And I want it to be Eileen." Sam gave Dean a determined look, pushing his chin out.

Dean looked at him, then looked over at Eileen. When he turned back to Sam, he shrugged and said, “Well, get it done so we can go home.”

Sam couldn't help but grin, turning back to Eileen. "See? I told you, he’s fine with my choice."

Eileen chuckled and reached out to Sam, just as she was about to retract her hand, it started solidifying in front of their eyes. She let out a sharp gasp of surprise.

"What…" Sam stared at her in amazement, her entire being flickering into a physical form again. "You… you're back." If this was a dream, those words would likely be what woke him up, and Sam was terrified that this was all just in his head. Nothing good ever happened to him.

He was shaken from his fears by Eileen gently grasping his wrist. Her hand was warm. “Sam…” she said his name as though in awe.

_ Fuck. This was real. _

Sam gasped and wrapped his fingers around her wrist before he closed the gap between them and pulled her into a soft kiss.

Eileen draped her arms around his neck, standing on her tiptoes to reach. When she let out a soft gasp, Sam dove in, deepening the kiss he’d waited far too long for.

Sam smiled into the kiss when it finally hit him that this was  _ real. _ Practically giddy with excitement, he grabbed her and lifted her into his arms before he broke the kiss and started laughing. He looked at her, taking her in, enjoying this moment. Sam could finally replace his memory of her with the real thing. “I can’t believe you’re here again,” he whispered. “How are you feeling?”

“Alive,” she said as she drew him in for another kiss.

Sam gasped and deepened the kiss. He wanted it to last forever, but they were rudely interrupted by Dean honking. Cas was waving at them from an open window. "Dean wants to go home."

Sam rolled his eyes before he grinned at Eileen and carried her over to the car. "Let's get you home."

Eileen showed him the sign for “home,” and said, “You don’t have any dogs, right?”

**…. :::: :::: ….**

Gabriel and Cas's old garrison were helping the Reapers with the "cleanup". Cas wanted to help too, but Gabriel had given him the sole mission to look after Jack. Better safe than sorry, Gabriel had said. Heaven needed to know if the new soul was working out, and if he was adjusting well to it.

Cas knew that Sam probably had other things in mind, but when they arrived home, he asked if he could spare some time to talk to Jack about how he had overcome the part of his life when he had been soulless.

Surprisingly, Sam readily agreed. The younger Winchester must have noticed his surprise because he explained, "We didn't talk to him enough. We didn't check up on him enough either. I want to do a better job of raising him this time."

Cas understood that guilt, so he could relate to Sam's wish. He felt like he failed Jack as his guardian in every way imaginable. He needed to be better.

"I agree. I… I wondered if maybe we should ask him if he wants to do something other than hunting for a change. Where he isn't confronted with death, pain, and loss all the time."

Sam nodded. “Honestly, maybe that’s something we should all do.”

To say that he was surprised by Sam's words was an understatement. "I don't think that is something Dean wants, but… I'm sure he would support it if you wanted a break from hunting."

Sam flashed him a knowing smile as Dean appeared from the kitchen, juggling five beers in his arms. “You might be surprised.”

"You think I should ask him?" Cas asked quietly, leaning forward so only Sam could hear him.

Sam shrugged as he met his brother and took three of the beers from him.

Dean approached, handing Cas a beer as he leaned in for a kiss.

Cas smiled as he kissed him. He loved that Dean was so affectionate with him at every opportunity. "The world is saved again," Cas murmured. "I think we should have a vacation. You, me, and Jack."

Dean grinned brightly. “What about Sammy and Eileen?”

Cas looked over at them, trading kisses against the bookshelf. "I think they might enjoy having time to themselves."

Dean hummed as he draped his arms over his shoulder. “As long as you and I get alone time too.”

"I'm sure we will," Cas replied with a soft smile. "I've never been on a vacation. Where do you want to go? Distance and money won't be a problem."

“As long as I’m with you, the where doesn’t matter,” he murmured as he started pressing kisses down his throat.

A soft moan escaped his lips before he could stop it. He closed his eyes and hummed, "Dean, um… maybe we should ask Jack where he wants to go?"

Dean hummed against his neck. “Later,” he growled as his hands started roaming Cas’s chest.

Cas bit down on his lower lip before he sighed, and turned away from Dean. He caught Sam giving him a thumbs up as he grabbed Jack to talk to him. 

It seemed like he could spend some alone time with Dean without feeling guilty. "Okay," he murmured, "we should go to your room."

“Yeah,” he said as he grabbed Cas’s hand and practically dragged him to the hallway.

Cas's thoughts still wandered back to Jack. He hoped he was fine, and that his conversation with Sam would help. For a moment he didn't kiss Dean back, and Dean gave him a questioning look in response. "I'm sorry, Dean. There are still so many things on my mind."

Dean cupped his cheeks and drew his attention back. “Hey. The kid is fine, better than fine. And we just saved the world.”

Cas smiled at that. "Yes, we did." Dean was right. This was a moment for celebration. "Maybe this time it stays saved."

“If not, I fucking quit.”

Cas nodded as he softly pushed Dean into his room and closed the door behind them. "I think that is a good idea."

Dean pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it aside as he started walking backwards to his bed, unbuckling his belt. “Yeah, you might be right.”

Cas watched him in fascination. This was still so new to him, he wasn't used to being allowed to look at Dean like this. Not just look... to touch him. He unbuttoned his own shirt and toed off his shoes before he opened his belt and pants. "What do you want, Dean?"

“Everything,” he said as he pulled Cas closer by the half loosened tie.

“I guess we’ll have time for everything now,” Cas pondered out loud with a playful smile as he shrugged out of his shirt. Only his tie was around his neck now.

Dean grinned as he used the tie to pull Cas on top of him. “I’m down for that.”

Cas pulled him into a kiss, growling against Dean's soft lips, "I guess you want me to keep my tie on."

“Kinda one of my fantasies,” he confessed with a groan.

Cas tilted his head. "You fantasized about my tie?"

Dean’s eyes widened, as though he didn’t mean to say that out loud. “Uh… no?”

Cas squinted his eyes at him. “You’re lying.”

As Dean twisted his hand in Cas’s tie, he gave him a small shrug. “You caught me.”

That was interesting, although Cas didn't exactly know what to do with the information. He didn't think his tie was anything special. He looked down at how Dean was holding him in place by his tie, and that’s when he got it. "You want to restrain me? Is that it?"

Dean’s eyebrows shot up. “I… I don’t… I just like the thought of…” he pulled Cas closer by the tie and kissed him.

Human sexuality was very confusing. Not that Cas cared in that moment. Instead, he got lost in kissing Dean, his hands sliding over Dean's bare chest, his thumb rubbing over his right nipple as he rocked his already hard erection against Dean's. There were still too many clothes between them, so he pushed himself back with a growl. He grabbed Dean's jeans, that were already open, and pulled them down. "These need to go."

“Yes, sir,” he murmured as he lifted his hips to allow Cas to undress him.

Cas raised one eyebrow at Dean calling him sir. He didn't know why, but he liked it. He pulled down Dean's jeans and underwear in one go, enjoying the view of Dean lying beneath him, completely naked. "I think you should stay like this and never leave your bed. This is a very good look on you."

Dean waggled his eyebrows. “Well, now I’m at your mercy. So what are you gonna do with me?”

Cas stared at Dean and licked over his way too dry lips as he slowly undressed the rest of the way. "I'm going to make you come," he breathed out before he bent over to wrap his lips around Dean's cock.

“Oh, fuck!” Dean cried out as he twisted his hand into Cas’s hair.

Cas loved feeling Dean's hand in his hair. He hummed and let Dean's cock slide deeper into his mouth, moving up and down as he swallowed around it.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck…” Dean started mumbling incoherently.

Cas sucked him deeper and faster, hoping he could make Dean come in his mouth.

Dean groaned and started bucking his hips. “Babe… babe I’m not gonna last…”

Cas looked up at him and nodded, licking a strip up the underside of Dean's complete length. "I want you to come," he breathed out, his voice a lot huskier than usual.

“Fuck,” Dean hissed, “Yeah. Yeah… suck me, babe.”

Cas doubled down on his efforts, enjoying the sensation of Dean’s length on his tongue, punctuated by the sounds of his lover losing it. He loved that he could do this to Dean. A few moments later Dean tightened his grip in his hair and came with a deep groan. Cas quickly swallowed, letting his tongue and movement slowly ebb away, as Dean came down from his high. He released him when Dean flopped back against his pillow with a chuckle and a contented sigh. Cas smiled, enjoying the sight of a blissed out Dean. 

“I love you, Cas,” he murmured.

Cas slid over him and drew Dean into a soft, lingering kiss. "I love you, too. Would you… um, try… having sex with me again?"

Dean nodded into the kiss. “Hell yeah.”

Cas's heart skipped a beat as he reached over to Dean's nightstand to get the lube. He hoped it would be easier for Dean now that he was relaxed. He spread a generous amount of the gel on his fingers, warming it up before he bent over to kiss Dean again. His fingers found Dean's ass, slowly spreading the lube around his hole.

Dean let out a soft gasp, followed by a moan. “Fuck…”

Cas carefully and slowly pushed a finger inside of Dean, keeping an eye on him, in case he got uncomfortable. "Tell me if I should go slower, or if you need a break," he murmured.

Dean nodded as his head dropped to the pillow. He let out a soft moan. “Your speed is good.”

This was very different from the last time they had tried. Dean was a lot more relaxed, and Cas did his best so he would stay that way. He slowly worked Dean open, his other hand roaming his chest and stroking over all the sensitive areas on Dean’s body. When he was deep enough, he bent his fingers to stimulate Dean’s prostate, hoping that if Dean still had doubts about this position, they would be eradicated.

Dean let out a deep groan, eyes widening in surprise. “Holy fuck, Cas…”

Cas smiled at him, continuing to tease him there. "I know. That was what I felt when you did this to me the last time." 

That was met with a nod as he moaned again and started undulating against Cas’s digit.

Cas used Dean's distraction to slowly and carefully work a second finger into him. He was glad he had so much patience. Even though a part of him couldn't wait to have sex with Dean. His human body was thrilled at the thought of more; the tip of his erection wet with precum.  _ Soon. _

“Cas… Cas…” He kept murmuring his name as though in prayer; in fact, he was certain Dean was praying his name as well.

Cas scissored him open, getting more lube with his other hand before he teased his rim with a third finger. "If you can take one more finger, you're ready," he breathed out.

Dean nodded and bucked his hips in invitation. “Wanna feel you…”

"Patience, Dean," Cas groaned, lifting an eyebrow at him as he pushed the third finger deeper into him.

That was met with a broken gasp-turned moan. “Oh, fuck…”

Cas moved his fingers in and out of him. Dean was ready. He only needed a moment to get himself ready before sliding over Dean, who appeared to be impatiently waiting for him. He drew him into a kiss, using his hand to guide himself into the right position. Cas looked at Dean as he slowly pushed inside, murmuring his name in awe. It was overwhelming.

Dean wrapped his arms around Cas’s neck, letting out a deep groan. “Feel so full…”

"I'm not hurting you, am I?" Cas breathed out, pressing his forehead against Dean's as he stopped moving.

“No…” he breathed out through a moan as he dove in for a needy kiss. 

Cas answered with the same fervor as he pushed deeper, until he was fully seated inside of Dean. He needed to stop for a second, for he was afraid to come right in that moment. "Dean. You feel so good."

Dean nodded against him, hips moving in a needy up and down as he tried to get Cas to move. “Babe…” he practically whined.

Cas groaned, roughly pressing his lips to Dean's before he panted, "Dean, give me a second."

Dean’s eyes were hooded as he pulled Cas in for a needy kiss, managing a soft, “Come on, fuck me…” before their lips connected.

And with that Cas could no longer hold back. He grabbed Dean's hips and lifted him into a position that allowed him to thrust deeper. He didn't start slow. His pace was hard, and deep, and animalistic. He growled, pulling Dean up into his arms, one hand at his neck so he could kiss him, the other one holding him in place so he could fuck upwards into him. He knew he couldn't keep this up for long without coming.

Dean let out the most enticing noises, his grunts and moans punctuating the tight heat around him. “Yes, yes…”

Cas tightened his grip around Dean before he got up from the bed and pressed Dean against the wall, instantly picking up his pace, right back into long, hard thrusts. Trapping Dean’s leaking erection between their stomachs. "Dean," he groaned, gently biting the side of his throat. "You're mine."

“Yours,” he echoed through a groan as he held on, lips parted in a dazed bliss. “Fuck, Cas…”

"Dean, I'm close," Cas warned with a groan. Not that it mattered if he came before Dean. He could use his grace to make himself hard again, or simply finish Dean off with his mouth. 

Dean nodded. “Wanna feel you come…”

Cas growled and kissed him again, as his thrusts turned erratic, and he pushed even deeper inside of Dean. He groaned Dean’s name as he filled him, relishing the primal urge to thrust his seed deep inside of his lover.

Dean cried out Cas’s name. “Fuck… fuck… I’m so goddamn close…”

"Do you want to come with me inside, or in my mouth?" Cas asked breathlessly, already tapping into his grace to make him rock hard again.

“Oh, fuck,” Dean groaned as he drew him into another kiss. “In me… wanna come with you in me.”

Cas nodded with a soft groan and started to pick up the pace again. Dean was incredibly wet from Cas already having filled him, and his more instinctual side loved thrusting into Dean like that. He fucked him hard, leaning back enough that he could look at the most beautiful creature he had ever seen. "Dean." Just one word. But he knew he said everything he needed to.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck… I think… I’m gonna…” Dean mumbled incoherently when suddenly Dean’s slick channel constricted around him, as he painted their chests with his come.

Cas growled and fucked him through his orgasm, before his thrusts turned into a soft rocking motion. He looked at Dean, overwhelmed by the feeling of happiness, almost weightless. "I love you," he murmured.

Dean gave him a dazed smile. “Me too…”

Cas carried him over to the bed before they got cozy on it, Cas pulling Dean into his arms. “I never dared to imagine this happening between us.” He kissed the top of his head, enjoying the moment, being able to share in their relaxation, together in bed.

“Me neither,” an eerily familiar voice echoed from the corner of the room. 

In no time, Dean had the gun from under his pillow cocked and aimed as he cried, “Son of a bitch!”

Cas would recognize that demon anywhere. “Meg?” he asked as he sat up straight. “What… You were dead.”

Meg smirked as she leaned forward, elbows braced against her knees. “Did you actually see me die?”

“Yes!” Dean said as he pulled the sheet over himself, gun still pointed at her.

Meg chuckled. “Fine, point. You _ did _ see a demon, in my favorite meat suit by the way, get killed. But what’s that saying about cockroaches?”

Cas tilted his head. “I don’t know what they say about cockroaches. But the more important question is… what are you doing in Dean’s bedroom?”

“Besides getting a free show?”

Dean narrowed his eyes. “Yeah.”

Meg shrugged as she moved to stand. “I figured we were due a discussion about Hell’s future.”

Cas exchanged a confused look with Dean. “Hell?”

“Yeah. You’re looking at the current bitch in charge.” Meg’s tone and smile were smug.

"You're the Queen of Hell?" Cas repeated. "I don't… I don't understand."

Meg grinned. “Someone had to take charge.”

Cas tilted his head. That was a lot of information in a short amount of time. He wasn't sure how to respond. "Congratulations?" he said after a moment of awkward silence.

“Yeah, can you get the fuck out of my room now?” Dean demanded.

Meg laughed and waved him off. “I’ll wait for you in the library,” she said as she disappeared through the door, leaving it wide open.

Cas rolled his eyes. He waved his hand to close the door. "That was weird."

“How long do you think she was sitting there?” Dean visibly shuddered.

Cas felt really bad about the fact that he hadn't even registered a demon in their room. "I don't know, and I feel very embarrassed about that. I should have noticed her."

Dean smirked at him. “Guess we found your one true weakness. My ass.”

"You were always my human weakness." Cas kissed his forehead before he added, "And yes, your ass is very distracting."

Dean chuckled and pressed a playful bite to his cheek. “Come on, let’s find out what her highness wants. And don’t even get me started on how unfazed I am by all of this.”

Cas wasn't sure what Dean was talking about, but he nodded and grabbed his shirt with a sigh. "I hope for her sake this is important. I want nothing more than to spend the next few weeks in bed with you."

Dean grabbed a shirt and said, “Then let’s get this over with.”

Cas sighed and got out of the bed. It never felt like he had enough alone time with Dean. There was always something. He could only hope that when they were through talking with Meg, they could take a vacation. A long one. Where the only thing he would see was Dean, and nothing else.


	11. Dust in the Wind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we are folx! The "series finale". We hope you like it!

#  **Dust in the Wind (nothing lasts forever but the earth and sky)**

# 

_ Six Months Later _

Dean Winchester had always been, deep down, a paranoid guy. Maybe it stemmed from losing a parent at a young age, maybe it stemmed from losing a parent to a demon deal at a young age. Maybe it was because John Winchester’s number one rule was to not let your guard down. 

Granted, all these years later, that guard down comment had less and less to do with sage advice, and more to do with John’s own regrets the night Mary Winchester burned on the ceiling, like some horrific effect of the stigmata. 

There were breaks, sure. The fact that Meg intended to keep the gates of Hell closed. Humans had enough of a capacity for evil intent, demonic influence wasn’t really necessary anymore. And with Gabe in charge of the flyboys, and Billie quietly keeping an eye on Earth, it slowly started to shift into something akin to peaceful.

The temporary zombie invasion had caused some damage. The US president among the casualties, but that ended up being more of a blessing than a curse. Life was finding a way of balancing itself out, now that a majority of the evil had been washed away with Chuck’s freedom.

It was slow at first. Dean stopped sleeping with his boots on about two months in. And stopped sleeping with a gun under his pillow around the fourth month. His brother had pointed out that having an angel (capable of smiting pretty much anything) in his bed was a far greater weapon than his Colt. 

Sammy had been the one to remind him of the vacation they had always promised they would go on. Granted, he didn’t blame his brother for the delay, he and Eileen had been pretty intensely stuck in a honeymoon period. Not that he and Cas were much better. 

Jack had been… great. Back to his old self. Which included some overwhelming moments of grief. The kid had a big heart, and was filled with regret. Strangely, it was Dean who reached him. When he told him about the Mark of Cain. If anyone could understand what the kid was going through, it was Dean. Although, Sam helped.

They were a happy family, and that was something Dean honestly never expected to happen.

“Dean!” Sam called out with a wave from under the insanely large umbrella over a couple of beach chairs. They’d driven down to Myrtle Beach, and Dean was grabbing their cooler. He must have gotten distracted by his own thoughts again.

Cas grabbed the other side of the handle with a smile, helping him carrying it over to their little slice of the beach. "You seem distracted."

Dean shook his head. “Just happy.”

Cas smiled at that before he pointed to the shoreline. "Did you see the sand castle Jack is building?" 

Dean looked over and laughed. The kid was making it look like the bunker. “You’d think after you guys traipsed through Europe, he’d have better material.”

“It’s the safest place on earth,” Cas replied. There was a softness in his tone whenever they spoke about Jack, and Dean couldn’t help but see the “proud Dad” expression on his angel’s face.

“When the tide comes in, sand bunker will definitely not be the safest place,” he said with a laugh as they reached Sam and Eileen, dropping the cooler next to Cas’s bee beach towel.

"He is adding a tunnel to redirect the water, so it might stand there for a while," Cas added as he sat down on their beach towel and took off his shoes. It was still weird to see him so casually dressed in shorts and a dark navy t-shirt. Dean had hard vetoed his trench coat and suit as clothes for the beach.

The last thing he needed was his boyfriend being accused of being a flasher. Besides, Dean was the only one allowed to see Cas’s junk. He dropped himself onto the towel, settling between Cas’s legs, using his torso as a back rest. “You know, it’s sort of poetic Jack is building a sand bunker.”

“How so?” Cas asked, wrapping his arms around him before he kissed his neck.

“If you wanna get technical, he’s only three. That’s what three year olds do at the beach.”

"I had no idea," Cas replied quietly after a moment. "He asked me if there is a way for him to go to school. He said he wanted friends his age."

Dean nodded. “We could look into night school for him. They have remedial classes, though he’s a smart kid…”

“Maybe Gabriel can forge some papers for him? Although I’m not sure what to ask for. Maybe you could help me, or Sam.”

Dean nodded. “We can get it figured out. Let’s just… enjoy a vacation that’s way overdue.”

Cas nodded and kissed his shoulder. "Do you want me to rub some sunblock on your back?"

“That a line?” He asked with a smirk. 

“Yes, from one of the movies on your Netflix queue that you insist you haven’t watched,” Cas replied dryly.

Dean craned his neck to press a kiss to his lips. “I love you,” he whispered. It was crazy how easy those words came now.

Cas lifted one eyebrow, the one Dean referred to as the 'dom brow', and it was sexy as Hell. “I know,” he simply said before he uncapped the tube of sunblock. “And yes, I’m using this as an excuse to touch you.”

“You know you don’t need an excuse anymore, babe,” he said as he took his shirt off and moved to lay on his stomach.

“I know, but this is more appropriate in a public space,” Cas growled quietly as he started to massage the sunblock into Dean’s back. 

Dean let out a deep groan as he closed his eyes, soaking in the tranquility.

He nearly fell asleep from the soothing way Cas was massaging all his knots out of his back. If there wasn't the tiny factor of them being here with a kid… 

"Dean! Dean! You need to see my bunker. It's done!"

Dean blinked his eyes open slowly. They really should invest in a babysitter. “Cool…” he said without really looking up.

"Dean," Jack whined as he tapped his shoulder. "You need to see it before the waves get to the garage. I built the Impala. Out of sand."

Well, how could he turn that down? He moved to his knees. “Alright, show me.”

Jack beamed at him and Cas helped him the rest of the way up, taking his hand as they followed Jack to his sand bunker. It looked incredibly accurate, and Dean wondered if Jack had used his grace to build it.

He waved the to the other side and pointed to the 'garage'. "Look inside!"

Dean knelt down and looked into the sand garage. He’d built Baby, almost to perfection. He drew back. “Did you cheat?”

Jack tilted his head. "What do you mean by cheat?"

"He’s asking if you used your grace. Which is obviously not cheating because it belongs to your natural skill set," Cas replied with a smile. "This is really good."

“Grace _ is _ cheating,” Dean defended as he clapped his hand on Jack’s shoulder. “Good job, kid.”

Jack's expression was a mixture of confusion and pride before he said, "I saw a crab go into the library."

Dean barked out a laugh. “Definitely something we’ve never had to fight.”

Jack handed him some sea shells with wide blue eyes. "If you want, you can help me decorate it?"

_ Damnit. _ Why was this kid so adorable? And he definitely picked up that puppy eye deal from Sammy. Maybe even Cas. He let out a sigh, but his lips still curled in a smile. Traitorous appendages. He took a handful of shells and got to work.

It could have been worse. Cas was sitting right beside him, softly stroking his back, and leaving a few lazy kisses on his shoulder, as he helped him decorate the other side. Jack looked incredibly happy and started laughing when the crab suddenly ran out of the garage with its pincers held high.

"I think it wants to defend its new home," Cas commented with a smile. "Maybe we should leave it in peace and eat something. Sam packed food."

“Whaddya say, kid? Want some gross healthy snacks?”

"Sam said healthy food can be very delicious," Jack replied with a serious expression.

Cas wrapped his arm around Jack's shoulder. "And Sam is right. I want you to eat healthy. I'm still very skeptical about Dean and Claire claiming that ketchup is a vegetable."

“It is!” Dean defended as he leaned in and whispered to Cas, “You should be on my side.”

Cas lifted his eyebrow again. One day it was going to be the death of him. "Why?"

“‘Cause you love me?”

“I do. That’s why I’m trying to get you to eat more healthily. I want to keep you for as long as possible.” Cas tilted his head. “That’s being on your side.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Hey, I’ve lived this long…”

"I'm looking out for your body," Cas grumbled before he pulled him into a kiss. 

“I bet,” he said with an eyebrow waggle.

"I'm very fond of your body," Cas murmured, his voice ridiculously low. It was crazy how that could still do things to Dean.

Dean hummed as he wrapped his arms around Cas’s neck. “I can tell,” he breathed out.

Cas raised his eyebrow again. The bastard knew exactly what he was doing as he leaned forward to growl, "I’ll show you my appreciation later, when we're alone again."

Dean groaned in frustration. Mostly because they’d booked a couple of rooms, which meant Jack was staying with them. Alone time wasn’t likely for a couple of days. Dean looked around before he leaned in for a kiss, slipping one hand between them to cup his boyfriend’s half hard cock.

The soft moan Cas growled into his ear was delicious. "Do you think they'll miss us if I fly us somewhere remote?"

Dean looked over Cas’s shoulder. Sam, Eileen, and Jack were pretty busy helping themselves to the rabbit food. He smirked at Cas. “They won’t even notice we’re gone.”

"And even if..." Cas didn't finish the sentence. But suddenly they were standing in a lagoon with turquoise water and the most beautiful lonely beach he had ever seen. He thought places like this only existed on postcards. "It's an island. There are no other people here."

Dean’s eyebrows shot up. “Remind me to send the Empty a thank you card,” he breathed out as he grabbed Cas’s hand and pulled him towards the waterfall.

"I think the Empty is probably asleep, and won't read any cards for the next few eternities," Cas replied dryly before he asked, "What are you doing?"

“We’re gonna have sex behind a waterfall.”

The surprised expression on Cas's face was incredibly cute. "That sounds very specific. Almost like something you’ve always wanted to do."

Dean smirked. “Can’t prove anything.”

Cas grabbed Dean's waist and lifted him into his arms as he walked them right through the waterfall. The water was cold, dousing them completely, and flattening Cas's chaotic hair. Cas looked up at him when their journey through the water was halted by a rocky wall. "You are beautiful, Dean Winchester."

Dean smiled and gently cupped Cas’s cheek. “And you’re sexy as hell.”

"You're still wearing your shorts," Cas stated before he let him down again. "Undress."

Dean loved how authoritative Cas could get. He obediently pulled down his swim trunks. “How do you want me?”

"Turn around," Cas demanded, sliding his hands down his side. "Brace yourself against the rock."

Dean spread his legs as he obeyed, clutching at a slippery ledge of the rock wall. “Like this?” he asked with a sly smirk over his shoulder.

He could see the pure lust in his angel's eyes as he grabbed his ass and spread his cheeks. A few seconds later he could feel Cas's tongue at his rim, expertly working him open.

“Oh, fuck…” Dean groaned. He remembered how weirded out he’d been the first time Cas wanted to do it… now it was one of his favorite things. 

He could feel Cas's finger coming in to play, touching him in all the right places before Cas pushed the slick digit inside to play with his prostate. His angel played his body like a violin. 

Dean gasped as he relaxed and slowly started to melt into the pleasure. “Yeah, baby… fuck me…”

"Two fingers," Cas growled in his ear as he worked in a second finger. He was a little rougher than usual, clearly desperate to fuck him.

They’d fucked earlier that morning. Hell, they usually fucked a few times a day, and he was glad that a vacation with their kid wasn’t going to eat into their alone time. Dean started fucking himself on the digits with a needy whine. “Come on…”

He could feel Cas's teeth at his shoulder as he removed his fingers and spread his cheeks again. "Dean," Cas gasped out before the head of his cock breached Dean's hole.

“Oh, fuck…” Dean groaned as that delicious pleasure and pain tightened the proverbial coil. 

"Do you need it hard?" Cas panted in his ear. Dean could hear how desperately Cas was holding back, stopping himself from just fucking into him. He loved that Cas reverted to such animalistic impulses whenever they fucked.

Dean nodded as he pulled Cas’s right hand to his lips and pressed a gentle bite into his palm. “Fuck me, angel.”

Cas growled and bit into his shoulder as he thrusted his hard cock deep, and started fucking him against that rock. It wasn't often that Cas used swear words, but he did when they had sex. "Fuck, Dean," he groaned. "I want you in every way under this waterfall."

“Don’t have that kind of time,” he gasped out between moans. 

There was a frustrated noise that fell from Cas's lips as he fucked him harder. But then he suddenly stopped, slowly pulling out of him.

Dean growled in frustration. “Babe…”

Cas teased him with shallow thrusts, his cock hovering at the brink of nearly being pulled out. His strong palms slid over Dean's arms before grabbing them and pulling them behind Dean's back. He was completely at Cas's mercy now.

Damn, he loved his boyfriend. “Yes…” he hissed as he lost himself to the animalistic pleasure.

"I want you to beg me," Cas growled, his thrusts still teasing his rim. "Beg me to fuck you."

“Cas… Castiel… please…” Dean turned completely pliant. “I need your cock, please… please fuck me.”

Dean knew how much of a turn on it was for Cas to hear his full name. He wasn't disappointed when Cas started to fuck him hard and fast again. Making Cas watch porn to learn new things was definitely paying off. "I'm going to fill you twice," he growled. "I want to watch it dripping out of you."

“Fuck…” Cas knew exactly which buttons to push. Dean’s dick twitched. If Cas’s aim was a little higher, Dean would be coming untouched. Something they started working on about a month into their newfound relationship. It only happened a couple of times, but they were his favorite orgasms.

As though Cas knew what he needed, he pushed Dean's back lower and grabbed his hips. For a moment, Dean thought he might fall over, but Cas held him tight. The different angle was perfect, the pressure on his prostate was constant. Cas groaned, "So deep, fuck, I'm coming."

“Fill me, baby,” Dean groaned as his vision started to white out from the hot pleasure encasing him, the way Cas’s dick hammered against his prostate.

Cas thrusted deep inside of him and stilled his movement, coming with Dean's name on his lips. Dean could feel his hot breath on his skin, panting hard before he started rocking into him again. He loved that Cas could do this, use his grace to stay hard and just continue to fuck him. "De-ean. You feel so perfect."

Dean moaned and craned his neck to try and reach his lips for a kiss. “Love the way you fuck me.”

Cas leaned forward to kiss him before he groaned. "Do you want to turn around? I could fuck you, holding you in my arms."

“Yes, yes…” he pleaded. 

Cas swiftly pulled out of him before he turned him around. Dean immediately jumped in his arms, while Cas used his hand to guide his cock back inside Dean’s waiting hole. Cas drew him into a filthy, open mouthed kiss as he started to fuck him again.

Dean would probably never get sick of how strong Cas was. “Yeah, baby. Fuck me, harder…”

Cas grabbed Dean's hips and fucked him faster and harder, by pulling him up and down on his cock like a ragdoll. The angle was perfect. Hitting his prostate every time his cock drove into him.

“Fuck!” Dean wasn’t going to last. “Fuck, yes… Oh, fuck…”

"I want you to come, Dean," Cas growled. "Come for me."

Whether Cas was magic, or had really good timing, Dean cried out his angel’s name as he painted both of their chests with his come.

A strangled curse word fell form Cas's lips as he came inside Dean a second time. Cas pulled him into a kiss before he growled, "I'm going to let you down now. I want you to turn around and bend over."

“Yes, sir,” he purred as he dove in for another kiss.

Cas kissed him back for only a moment before he let him down. When Dean turned and bent over, Cas roughly spread his ass cheeks and groaned. He could feel his finger toying with the seed running out of him, pushing it back inside. 

“Fuck, babe.” Dean loved the slightly painful tingle of Cas playing with his oversensitive rim.

"I love seeing you like this," Cas growled before he turned him around again and pulled him into another kiss, pressing him against the wall behind them. "I love having sex with you."

Dean chuckled. “That’s an understatement.”

Cas replied with a bright smile. “You make me forget everything around me when I’m with you. I don’t know how you do it.”

“It’s the smile, right?” he asked with a cocky wink.

"It's everything about you." Cas carded his fingers gently through his hair. "We should go on vacations more often."

Dean nodded. “I like the sound of that.”

**…. :::: :::: ….**

Of course Jack bombarded them with questions of where they had been, and Cas silenced him with a long look, and a cryptic reply about 'alone time'.

Sam and Eileen were shaking their heads in unison (as if they were any better) and Jack needed exactly two minutes and thirty two seconds before he realized what Cas had meant.

"Oh, you had sex."

“Yes,” Cas replied dryly before he looked over at Sam, who started packing up their things. It was getting dark and they needed to head back to their hotel. 

He pulled his t-shirt back on and started helping; folding their beach towels and shaking the sand out of Jack’s shirt so he could wear it again. 

“What about my sand bunker?” Jack asked slowly, staring at it with a melancholy look. “Do you think the crab is still in there?”

Dean looped his arm over Jack’s shoulder. “Come on, kid. Time for the best part.”

Jack looked up at him in confusion, but followed as they walked over to the sand bunker. Cas watched Jack looking inside of it before he looked up to listen to Dean tell him something. 

Cas couldn’t help but laugh when Dean suddenly roared and trampled the sandbunker. Jack was now following his example as they both started roaring and jumping on the structure, destroying the sand bunker. He shook his head in amusement as he exchanged a look with Sam. “What are they doing?”

“Dean calls it, ‘Godzilla-ing’. Anytime we found LEGOs, or enough dirt to build stuff, he’d have me destroy it by stomping it, like Godzilla.” Sam smiled as he watched them. “He did it so I wouldn’t miss losing it when we inevitably moved.”

His heart hurt a little when he heard that. He hummed, "Godzilla, yes. He made me watch a few of them. Now that you say it, he looks a lot like him when he stomps around like that." Cas tilted his head, watching them with a smile.

It was nice to see Dean spending time with Jack. He had acclimatized to his new soul, and they had started to be a real family. Everyone happy, together, and under one roof. It was really nice.

After the sand bunker was obliterated, Dean made his way back to them, arm draped over Jack’s shoulder again. “I’m afraid the bunker didn’t survive,” he announced to them.

"It looked like a Godzilla family stomping all over it," Cas commented with a soft smile as he handed Jack his t-shirt.

Dean pressed a kiss to Cas’s cheek. “You’re getting so much better at that.”

"I wish I could take the credit for that, but Sam explained it to me," Cas replied before he pulled him closer by his waistband and pressed a kiss to his lips. "But I remember watching those movies with you," he murmured. 

Dean flashed him a happy grin. Before he could say anything, his cell phone started ringing. Dean pulled out the device and looked at the display. He chuckled and answered the phone on speaker, “Hey, Jody! What’s going on?”

Jody sounded frantic when she said, “Dean! It’s Claire.”

Cas instantly froze. "What happened? Is she okay?"

“Claire… she found out about the Kaia from that fucked up dimension…”

Dean visibly stiffened. “What happened?”

Jody sighed. “She went looking for her… she hasn’t been home in a few days.”

Cas looked up at Dean in distress. They had decided not to tell Claire about mirror-Kaia. He couldn't even fathom what must be going on in Claire's head right now. "Dean, we have to find her."

Dean nodded to Cas and said, “Alright, we’re on our way to you. We’ll be a couple days.” He disconnected the call and looked at them all. “Do you guys wanna come with us? Or finish out the vacation?”

"Of course we’ll come. Claire is family," Sam replied, already tossing the rest of their things in the duffel bag. 

They walked back to Dean's Baby, and Cas offered to let Sam sit in the front because he needed more space for his long legs.

The sun was setting when they started their drive to Jody’s. Cas let his gaze wander over his family, everyone now in Hunter mode, concentrating on coming up with a strategy to locate Kaia, and hopefully Claire.

Although he was worried about Claire, he also knew that they would find her, and that everything would be okay. They were all hunters; saving people, hunting things. The family business. Their family was strong enough now to get anything done, and they would carry on to keep the world safe.

**The End**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Frankie here: You know the fun part about us being dickbags and making you guys wait four weeks for the final chapter? We get to do something uploading all at once hasn’t let us do in a minute. Commenter Shoutouts! I’ll be real here, even though we’ve fallen way way _way_ behind on replying to y’all’s comments, the fact that y’all love our stuff enough to send us your love is a goddamn miracle. You’re all little miracles, and so, in no particular order; massive destiel SPNFamily love, cuddles, x’s and o’s to:
> 
> Thefinalbreakdown, Babydeanbaby, Hectatess, Hannah_ruth_990, 4thgenCrowley, Valkyri, QueenMaire, tfw_cas, StellaOO, Margaretkate84, Eyes_of_a_Tragedy, Obscuradevreaux, DoctorVis, Zofo, Pandora_DeRomanus, Dragon67, Ana_Luin, Lost_Under_A_Willow_Tree, Karategrl80, wayward_2, Saiyajin_27, peterparkser, and CabinChick!
> 
> Seriously, we know how much energy and time it takes to leave a comment, and most of you have left multiple comments, so thank you. From the bottom of our destiel smut writing hearts, thank you for the love. We hope you like how we ended the series, and here’s to hoping the show doesn’t go down as the longest queer baiting in television history. LOL. (Honestly, at this point, I’d accept an It: Chapter Two-level reveal).
> 
> And on a more serious note, finding this fandom and becoming a part of it, all thanks to this wonderfully, and ridiculously fun show. It’s a helluva thing, and out of it we’ve made friends, we’ve found love, we’ve found acceptance, or ears to listen. Art, in all of its magnificent forms. There’s some drama and bullshit, sure, now that fandom life is a little more mainstream; but I don’t know, man. Life’s too short, and it’s all mostly good. It makes us feel good, you know?
> 
> Anyway, thank you for reading, thank you for the love, and keep your eyes peeled. We’re finishing up a few more fics, a couple others are getting beta’d by the amazing R2, and we’re wrapping things up to dedicate all of our writing time to a certain sequel some of you might be psyched for. ;)
> 
> <3<3<3<3
> 
> **Any here**: What she said.
> 
> Frankie: LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.


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